Page 12 of Dreaming Without Heartache

“Did I say something wrong?” Sam asks. The small crease between her brows says it all.

“No, I’m sorry.” I rush to reassure her. I don’t know what I looked like just then. “I was just thinking that you’re really beautiful,” I say candidly. Sam’s cheeks flush pink as she glances down at her hands. I can’t look away. Normally I’m not this blunt unless I’m at a bar and looking for a good time, but I truly just mean it with no expectations. “Thank you for saying those things. Most days I feel lost when it comes to Kara. And it’s weird because we used to be so close.”

“You’re still close.” Sam tries to reassure me, but I know better. “I feel like I should know this, but do you have any other siblings?”

“No.” I shake my head. “We were taken from our mom at a young age. Luckily, we got to stay together because a kind woman fostered us both. Mrs. Ashwood treated us like her own.”

“I didn’t know that about Annie. She never said. I wish I had asked more questions. She was always there for me, especially during my divorce.” Sam looks down at her hands again, like she’s ashamed. We never know when our last moment will be with someone. We take life for granted and the people in it. I know I did.

“We never liked talking about it. To be honest, we were lucky to have turned out the way we did. Our mom was a drug addict who eventually overdosed. I feel fortunate that we didn’t have to witness that. I was six and Annie was eleven when we were taken away, but Annie, being older, was always so protective of me.” It breaks my heart to talk about Annie in the past tense.

“Is Mrs. Ashwood still, um…” Sam trails off, but it’s clear what she’s asking.

I shake my head. “She passed away before Kara was born.”

“It seems like she was good to you both. I’m glad she kept you together.”

“Me, too.”

“What about your dad?” Sam asks.

“All we know is that he left when he found out mom was pregnant with me. Child services couldn’t find him. We’ve never looked. What’s the point, right? He didn’t want us.”

“I’m so sorry,” Sam says softly. She leans forward, refilling her glass, her eyes still on me. “It’s Friday, and I have no one at home.”

The air grows heavy with the weight of real conversation. I feel uneasy talking about the sad parts of my life, so I usually don’t. I’d rather people feel comfortable and happy around me. The way Annie and I grew up, I learned to keep things to myself. She was the one I confided in, and I was hers, because we were the only ones who truly understood each other. We never wanted anyone to feel sorry for us.

“Hey, no need to explain to me. I’m definitely feeling my whiskeys. My exes would be in shock with me talking about my past life. I don’t usually do it.”

“Oh!” Sam says, holding her wineglass between both hands. She seems very interested in what I’ve just revealed. “How many exes are we talking about?”

I laugh. “A few.”

Sam sips her wine. I watch her full lips embrace the glass between them. She tips her head back. My eyes roam the expanse of the long, smooth skin along her neck.

“Maisie’s asleep,” Steven announces, startling me as he steps out onto the patio.

“That was fast.” He sits to my right. “Did you happen to see if Kara was still up?”

“I think she’s watching TV in her room.” Steven takes his glass of wine from the table. “So, Sam, did I miss any good gossip?”

“Well, we did broach the topic of Allie’s exes, but it didn’t go far.” Sam grins at me, showing off her amazing smile.

“Steven.” I point at him. “Don’t.”

“Moi?” He touches his hand to his chest. “I would never tell Sam about your exes. I mean Jenny was kind of a psycho, but Leah was the controlling sweetheart who—”

“Okay!” I reach over and cover his mouth with my hand. He licks my palm. “Gross!” I wipe the saliva on his shirt.

Sam laughs. “I would love to hear those stories.”

“Why don’t we tell her about Aaron instead.” I give him a stern look. “He was a real keeper.”

“Go for it.” Steven crosses his legs as he leans back in his chair. He gestures for me to continue. “At least I know how bad he was.”

I roll my eyes. “Please.”

“This is getting good.” Sam looks between us both.