Page 90 of Stolen By the Duke of Stone

“I was tired,” she corrected. “I am no longer tired, thanks to you coming in and waking me up and informing me that you wish to speak to me. About what?”

This was not quite how he had imagined this conversation going. He dragged a hand through his hair and sat on the edge of the bed.

“About us,” he said. “The truth of the matter is I’ve been a fool, blind to what’s in front of me, and so caught up in…” He blew out a long breath. “I am not a man who is predisposed to happiness. Not from my childhood, and especially not after going to war. You must understand that… You will never be able to understand what that was like for me. I carry the remnants of the war around with me always. I lost good men out there, and I will never be able to look in the mirror and wonder what the world would have looked like if they had been the ones to return and not me.”

Her hand moved to his as though by instinct, her fingers wrapping around his. “Oh, Andrew.”

“I’m not saying that so I might benefit from your pity, but that you might understand why I… Why I have felt my entire life as though I am not deserving of the other joys my fellow men might experience. Marriage for me was never anything other than a duty, and our marriage was a means to an end. I meant to provide for William in the best way I knew how, but that way never involved affection until you. Of course, I harbored affection for him, but it was an affection born of duty, not oh…”

“Of love,” she whispered, squeezing his hand. “You do love William, Andrew. No matter what happens between us, you have been consistent in that.”

“I do, but I learned how to show it because you showed me. All this time, you have been so patient as I have been putting the pieces of my life back together. I see that, and I recognize it, and I appreciate it. But what you have never been able to see is just how… how broken I am, Jessamine. You want a husband, but I felt as though I could never step up and be that husband for you. What’s more, I felt as though I could never deserve to. I have failed more times than I can count—Rebecca and my friends and then you and William. The people most important to me, I have habitually failed to keep safe.”

“But that is not your burden alone, Andrew.” Jessamine sat up, placing both hands on his cheeks. “This may be a marriage of convenience and duty, but then let us both play our part in that duty. Let me care for you, just like you care for me.”

“That’s the thing, Mina.” He wrapped both hands around her one small one. This was not how he’d imagined the conversation going—he ought to have led with this. “I never intended to; I never thought I could in all honesty, but I love you. I am so in love with you, I can barely think about anything else. Keeping apart from you has almost killed me these past few days. I’m still scared of what might happen in the future, and all the ways I could fail you, but for the first time, I want to try.”

He looked at her, waiting to see if she would respond in any respect.

She merely looked at him, biting her lip. As though she could not quite envisage how this could be real.

“You love me?”

“Desperately. So completely, I can do nothing else.”

“But…” She fought for words. “You say you now finally want to try?”

“I should have come to that conclusion so much earlier, but I was a fool, my darling,” he said. “I was afraid of failing you, of hurting you, and I still might. You know a little of how broken I am. That may yet leak out and impact your life as well as mine. But if you are prepared to try, if you want to, then I am prepared to be here with you, too.” He gripped her fingers. “What do you say?”

She shook her head as though in a daze, like a dog shaking water from its ears. “You’ve been afraid?”

“Terrified,” he said wryly. “Does that strike you as foolish? I assure you, it strikes me as more so. I used to pride myself on being afraid of nothing, and yet here I am, being afraid of my wife and my adopted son.”

“No.” She shook her head, her hand squeezing his again, and a small smile dawning across his face. “You were never afraid of me, Andrew. You were just afraid of yourself.”

“Then I have become still more of a fool. The one thing a man ought never to be afraid of is himself.”

He took her hand in both of his, looking at her earnestly.

A weight had lifted from his chest. Finally, he’d given voice to all the things he’d been fighting for so long. Even if she decided not to accept his apology and not to allow him back into her life, at least he had tried. At least he had said his piece and told her exactly how he felt.

The blankets shifted, and she wrapped both arms around his neck. “Andrew,” she said, her voice catching on a sob. “I thought it was me that you didn’t want.”

“Jessamine. Mina.” He held her close. “You were never the problem. I’m sorry for making you wait.”

She pressed her face against his neck, and his stomach bottomed out in relief. “I ought to make you wait in return,” she told him. “I ought to make you grovel and beg.”

“Is that what you want?” He pulled back and sank to his knees before the bed.

The candles had almost guttered out, but they held enough light for him to look up into her perfect face, mahogany hair falling around her cheeks in loose curls, her mouth softly parted, her eyes dark and fathomless.

If he hadn’t already known he adored her, he would have known then.

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking up into her face. “I should have done better by you, and I regret not doing so. I would do anything to make it up to you. Anything at all. If you would make me kneel before you all night, then I will. All week.”

She half-laughed, covering her face. “Andrew.”

“You are the only woman I have ever wanted to share my life with, and I will do anything I can to make that life better. I love you, Jessamine. Every inch of you, for every second. Forgive me.” He hesitated. Begging did not come easily to him, but he had already offered her so much of himself; what was a little more? “I beg you.”