Page 59 of Taint My Soul

The memories burn hot and unyielding, twisting with the heaviness in my stomach. My chest heaves, something vile coming to life inside of me. Something I have always avoided my whole life.

“I hate you.” The words taste like venom on my tongue.

“Well, the feeling’s fucking mutual.” He retorts, nose flaring.

“I hate you.” I shove him again.

He doesn’t utter a word for some seconds. I expect him to. But his eyes are on me even though his lips are closed tightly. “You love my violence. I see it in your eyes. I see it now.”

I lean away from the wall and step aside while he turns around and faces me. “No, no. This is not about me. This is about you.” I yell at him, chest tightening with restraint and frustration. “This is about the things you feel.”

“I don’t feel anything.” He advances toward me, and I stagger back.

“You’re a liar.”

“I don’t feel anything for you.” He says so calmly that it sends an ice-cold feeling down my spine. “I’ve done this for you twice.” He grits.

“Twice? I’ve never asked you to protect me.” I shake my head, gaze bouncing around the wall.

“I killed Kurt for you. Buried him alive without hesitation because he dared to put his hands on you. I cut off that man’s tongue for you because he couldn’t listen to one simple fucking word.” He steps closer and closer, and we walk in circles until he traps me against the wall. 6’4 height towering over me. Strong arms caging me against the walls.

“I try to be good,” I whisper to myself. Because Vincent asked me to. Because I don’t have any other choice. “I have tried to be there for you so many times, and yet, you find a way to push me away.” Maybe because I want to. He wasn’t supposed to let me go at the docks. Some form of punishment would have been enough to keep us apart. But he turned a fucking blind eye and let me walk away.

He steps back. “Because I’m not supposed to need anyone. Not even you!” He reveals, voice vibrating as he roars at me. The words break out of him with heightened intensity. “And I hate that I need you. I hate that ever since you stepped into that fucking suite, I could never get you out of my mind. I hate that you’re everywhere,” his voice strains, teeth biting on his bottom lip. At every declaration of his scalding hatred, he slams his fist into the wall, eyes holding mine. “I hate what you do to me. Because no man has ever done that to me. And I have never felt this way with any man. And I hate myself for it. I hate that I’m weak. I hate that I’m sick.” He grabs my shoulder and shakes me, voice trembling. My breathing tightens when I realize what he means by sickness.

His journal. All those horrible things.

“Is that enough for you?” He says breathlessly.

“If you hate me so much, why don’t you fire me?” I wait for an answer. But all I hear is the sound of his heart slamming against his ribcage. The aggressive breathing that matches mine.

My hand slides into his pocket, and I pull his knife and lift it to his throat. “Get your hands off me!” He lifts his hand and backs away, and we exchange position. I hold him captive with the knife tight in my trembling hands.

He smirks.

He doesn’t fight me.

He stares at me. Eyes filled with luminous intensity.

Fear. Hate. Anger.

All of it.

And I don’t look away because I can’t.

For some reason, his eyes hold me captive. They’ve put me in chains, and I won’t fight it anyway.

“We are alike, little devil.” He grins at me.

Little devil?

He must see something. He must see the evil inside me. An evil I have hated for the past fifteen years. The monster I have kept locked inside me.

He’s seen it so easily.

“I am nothing like you.” I growl at him, hand tightening around the blade. I place it on his neck. The thrum of his carotid artery rattles over the silver steel, flowing into my veins. A sharp breath escapes me. “I don’t feel anything for you.”

“I know you hate me. You have to hate me. Hating me makes it all easier.”