Page 164 of Taint My Soul

“Hey, hey.” I pull him closer, so he rests his head on my chest, caressing gently over his back. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“I tried to be strong. I held it together downstairs.”

I pull back and look into his eyes. “You don’t have to be strong when we are alone. I’m not going to see you as less.”

“But the syndicate…” he trails off.

“It’s yours now. And you’ll rule the fuck out of it because it’s your birthright, and you deserve it.” I link our hands together and smile. “I need you to understand that I’ll always be by your side, and I don’t care if you’re a mess. You’re all mine. Every single part of you.”

He nods and leans into my chest. My hands tighten around him, and we stay in that position long enough for his breathing to even out.

“And you don’t have to be alone anymore. Come on, let’s get you to my room. I’ll help you finish up. We can stay together, okay?”

“Okay.” He gives me a quivering nod as I help him up to his feet. I lead him out of the bedroom, and we walk down the hallway with him in my arms. “Should I leave the door open?”

“Yeah. Open’s fine.” He grunts.

“Alright.”

I help him sit on the bed and finish up the dressing. “Here you go.” I smile at him. “Does it hurt?”

“Only a little.” He affirms.

“You know, while you were unconscious, I was learning how to play the guitar,” I tell him. He glances up at me with warmth in his eyes. I get off the bed and stride over to the nightstand, lifting the guitar into my hand.

I sit beside him and hold the guitar, running my fingers over the strings. A soft tune floats through the silence. Before I can go far on the melody I’m trying to play, he extends his fingers over the mark I made on the guitar. S and E.

“You marked it with our names?” He asks without taking his hands off.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Elio, the things you’ve done for me…”

“I did it because I couldn’t let you rot in there.” I set the guitar aside and pull him closer. “I was born into this world. My mother was a cleaner. My uncle was a hitman. I didn’t know how it worked, but I know now. And I’d be damned if I’d lose someone so important to me.” I place my hand on his cheeks. “I’m strong now. I might not have been my whole life, but I am now. And you don’t have to be strong because you have me. I want to see every part of you rest assured that I’ll never shame you for it.” I promise, voice laced with a certainty I have never had my entire life.

He looks into my eyes with tenderness.

“And when it comes to the syndicate, I’ll stand by you while you run it.” We lean on each other’s foreheads.

“You have given me a gift, little devil.” He brushes his hand over my cheek. “I thought that everything about me was wrong, but you’ve made me understand that I’m whole. That wanting affection isn’t something I should be terrified of, and I appreciate that.” Voice gentle, his fingers run all over my skin. “I have carried the weight of all this all on my own. Being with you makes me realize there’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t want to walk the rest of my life with that burden. I just want you.” He presses a kiss to my chest.

“And you have me, my darling.” I press a kiss on his lips. “My heart. My soul. Everything.”

“Always?”

“Always, baby.” I reassure him.

We stay the same way for hours. In the heavy silence. And like this, with him, it gets easier every second of the day. Him in my arms. I’m in his. That’s something I never thought I’d crave this way.

Want and love were never part of my goals. But here I am, letting myself want this broken, dangerous man. Letting myself fall for all of him. And he is here with me, not running, not too terrified of the silence, but with me.

“I might need to see Dr. Khadija.” He whispers.

“Sure, baby. Whatever you want. I’ll be there every step of the way.”

As the rest of the week goes by, Saint has his first session with Dr. Khadija before we both drive to Queenstown to visit my parents’ grave. I haven’t seen them since I left. It had been seventeen years without them, and I felt relief when I dropped those pretty rose flowers on their grave. To see their names on the gravestone brings back memories. Not just the bad ones, but the good ones.

After our time at the graveyard, we return to Kingston city, but make a stop where I used to live before it all started. I get some of the important things I have had for years. Pictures. Journals. Things I had sorted out through my parents’ boxes and had while growing up.