Page 52 of A Whisper of Cinders

He looks up again, all serious now. “I am not.”

I swallow, although there isn’t anything to swallow away, my throat is completely dry. “I’m…I’m sorry Aramis, I didn’t —”

“No, please don’t apologise, it’s just…” He sighs heavily, searching for the right words to say. “When I left you last night, I thought you were fine. I know the first day can be scary, but it seemed as if you were having fun.”

“I was, I really was.”

He smiles, although it isn’t the smile I got to see yesterday just yet. “I’m happy to hear that.” His smile falters. “I came back an hour later, just to see if you wanted to grab something to eat, but I heard you crying. I knocked, but you didn’t hear me, or maybe you wanted to be alone, which is fine of course.”

Oh. I do not like where this is going. I do not want to relive last night. “Aramis…”

He doesn’t hear me. “I decided it might be a good idea to come back later, give you some time to let your emotions out without a stranger barging in. So I did, that’s when I heard you screaming.”

Another sigh leaves his lips and I want to reach out a hand to comfort him. I don’t. It’s against my nature to do so. “I know we’ve only met yesterday, but I felt your pain, Maily. Really felt it, and it took everything in me not to open the door and try to cheer you up or hurt the one who caused you so much pain.”

He has no idea what his words do to me. My emotions rise again and I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to distract myself from what is coiling inside of me.

His jaw tightens and he looks towards the large windows on his right, as if his emotions make it hard to speak as well. “I decided the only thing I could do, the only thing that felt right, was to stay with you while you went through your personal hell. I sat outside your door and waited, waited until the screaming stopped.”

Time moved weirdly yesterday, but I know my voice was gone when I was…me again. It was light outside when I entered my room, but pitch black when Aramis put me to bed. It must mean he was out there for…hours?

“Enver, a friend of mine, came by,” he continues. “I begged him to get Mrs Delalune. I didn’t want to leave you all by yourself, maybe I should’ve, I don’t know.” He runs a hand through his golden waves. Gone is the confident male I met yesterday. His gaze finds mine and what I see is raw, real emotion. My breath catches in my throat. “She arrived mere minutes later, right when your scream started to fade. I nearly tore the door of its hinges, fuck the consequences. Even if you’d hate me for it.”

“I could never hate you,” I say without hesitation. And although it surprises me, I mean every single word of it.

Something shifts in his expression. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Aramis is more than good looks and kindness. His soul is genuine and his heart is in the right place. I don’t deserve it, none of it, but he is truly concerned for my wellbeing. It’s so unexpected, I’ve never had this before, only with Ami. “But…we’ve just met?”

He lets out a soft breath, it sounds like a laugh, but there is no amusement to be seen on his handsome face. “Believe me, I know. I don’t fully comprehend it either, but what I do know is that I felt your pain as if it was my own, it cut through me like a knife. I wanted…no, needed to help you, but I didn’t know how.”

Without giving it a second thought, I reach out my hand to cover his, noticing how cool his skin feels against my burning fingers. A tingling sensation travels up my arm and surprise lights up Aramis' eyes for a second. “But you did help me, Aramis. I had drifted far away, but somehow you brought me back. You broke through my haze. Back at my previous residency,” I say, steadying my breath as I talk. “There was someone who would pull me through my darkest moments, just like you did. You remind me of her in some way. I needed her at times like these and…I guess I needed you too yesterday. Thank you for that.”

A slight blush colours his cheeks and for a moment he is too stunned to speak. But he recovers quickly and carefully squeezes my fingertips. “How are you feeling today?”

“There is still a gaping wound in my chest and I’m not sure if I will ever properly heal from it. But Ami wouldn’t want me to shut down, she’d want me to live life for the both of us. To explore what else is out there and have fun whilst doing so.”

His smile wavers for a second, but kicks up in full force instantly. My heart makes a little loop at the sight of it.

“That sounds like a great idea.”

I smile back, feeling my cheeks burn a little. Only then do I notice we're still holding hands. I clear my throat and slowly let go, as if my body doesn’t want to release the one who anchored me. “Now, I’m sure my scrambled eggs will taste fine cold, but I think I prefer them while they are warm.”

He laughs, breaking any lingering tension and continuous eating himself. “Yeah, you better eat as much as you can. You will need the energy.”

I raise a brow. “It’s a self-defence class, the basics, I assume. How hard can it be?”

He stops mid-chew, staring at me as if I just declared I can fly. “You’re going to regret saying that.”

I pick up the napkin and clean my mouth. “What do you mean?”

The grin he gives me is one of pure mischief. “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough.”

He winks and eats the last of his oatmeal. It can’t be that bad, now, can it? It’s not like they will let me fight immediately. Or…that’s what I’m hoping for.

Only once Aramis is done eating, I notice I actually managed to finish everything I asked for. It might be because I didn’t eat anything last night. And all of the crying I did can be draining too.

“Are you ready?” Aramis asks, standing up and holding both our trays.