Page 20 of A Whisper of Cinders

I swallow down the bile that rises and take a couple of deep breaths to chase away the dizziness. “Strong…enough.”

Ami sighs and turns away, filling up a small bowl with lukewarm water. She cleans away the blood that ran down my back with gentle strokes. “You might want to put that strap back in your mouth, I have to disinfect the wounds.”

She moves the piece of leather in front of my mouth and I bite down. She starts with the less deeper cuts, those are the ones I can breathe through. She applies a strong scented ointment that numbs some of the pain, and I breathe a little easier.

Fingers run through my hair and the feeling makes my eyes heavy. Ami lowers herself until our eyes are on the same level. “Most of the wounds have been treated and covered up, but…” I know what she’s about to say. My eyes shut down and it takes longer than before for them to open. “Three cuts run very deep, Mai and I have to stitch them up.”

“…o-kay.” Even my words sound broken.

“I’ll try to be as careful and gentle as I can be.”

I know she will, she would never find pleasure in hurting me. Cool fingers touch my burning skin where I assume one of the deeper wounds is located. “That feels…good.”

The feeling is gone in an instant and instead replaced by lava rushing from my back through my whole body. “I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

I try to lay as still as possible, but pushing a needle through your skin without sedation is not a pleasant experience and my teeth dig into the leather. My breathing becomes irregular, the pain too high to escape from. Thinking about flowers and birds, longing gazes and pleasant conversations can’t help me right now, so my mind eventually shuts off. It has had enough.

The sharp sting of pain follows me into the hazy state I am currently in, but eventually, it becomes somewhat steady. No highs, but no lows either. Maybe it’s why it takes a while for my brain to notice there are people around me. Talking about…something.

“…can’t stay here any longer.”

Lying on my bed does sound very appealing right now. I’m just not sure if I will be able to walk there myself. So, maybe I should stay on this table, it’s not that uncomfortable.

“This…drains everything out of her.”

Yes, I am tired and healing a wounded body takes time, especially if it’s this injured. Who is Ami talking to? “My bed sounds…nice.”

Quick footsteps move towards me and the same cool fingers - Ami’s fingers - stroke the wet hair away from my face. “Of course, my angel. Let’s go to bed.”

“Thank…you.” I smile and close my eyes, and when I open them, I’m in my dark, grey room.

A featherlight kiss is placed on my forehead. “Thank you for being my friend, I wouldn’t know what to do without…you.”

“I will always be here for you, Mai, don’t you ever forget that.”

Her words strike a sensitive chord, blame it on the pain and drugs, and a single tear escapes from my eye. Because even though I am all alone in this world, she is my everything and I am nothing without her.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Sleep swallows me whole, blocking out all the panic and hurt, and yanks me down in a void so deep, I don’t believe dreams could ever find me.

Yet, warm light chases away the darkness and I find myself standing in a meadow I’ve only been once before. Wildflowers surround me, their colours more vibrant than anything I’ve ever seen.

It smells like nature here, something I haven’t had the chance to experience in real life. A warm breeze stirs my short locks and picks up the tiny petals, twirling them around me.

The fact that I am actually standing this time is one thing, but the pain that is surprisingly absent here is a very welcome surprise.

I take a hesitant step forward, bare feet sinking into the soft grass. How I wish I could do this in real life too, but frostbite is no joke and it’s definitely not worth losing a toe over.

My legs take me to the shimmering river nearby, its surface catches the sunlight like shattering diamonds, and the sound of water flowing creates its own serene melody.

Although I still can’t remember if this place belongs to my past or if it’s something I have conjured randomly from my mind, it feels so right to be here, like I finally belong somewhere.

I halt where the land transitions into the river, water runs over my toes, the water surprisingly warm. The river stretches for as far as I can see. I close my eyes, and enjoy the peace and quiet, losing myself in the beautiful nature.

“I’m relieved to find you back here.”

I’m not surprised by the voice, knowing it’s somehow connected to this place. “I wasn’t expecting it either, especially in the state I’m currently in.”