Page 135 of A Whisper of Cinders

“Sleep, gorgeous. Promise I will be there in the morning.”

He drops a kiss on my forehead and my heart makes a little loophole. I don’t understand why I deserve this. Maybe faith is with me and it knows what I have been through.

I don’t mind, all I can think about is this happy feeling, making my heart flutter as sleep comes for me.

I wake up in the middle of the night, memories of what happened last night instantly come back to me, making me realise it was not a dream. My hand reaches out, but the bed is empty. I’m sure he will be back in an instant. My sleepy mind pulls me under again.

But when I awake a second time, the place next to me is still unoccupied and now feels cold. He hasn’t returned. What if something happened? Maybe he changed his mind?

“Aramis?” I call out softly, my voice rough from sleep.

Only silence answers.

I throw my legs over the edge of the bed, using a blanket as a temporary gown and march over to the bathroom. I knock and push open the door, thinking maybe he got sick. But the bathroom is empty and the uneasy feeling only grows.

I walk to my closet, about to get dressed and see if he maybe went to the sanctum when I catch the sounds of whispering voices.

“…doesn’t know.”

My fae hearing switches on and off all the time, so the fact that I can hear that conversation is pretty rare, especially since I wasn’t focussing on it.

“You have to tell her.”

Something deep inside of me tells me I need to hear this, and make sure no one notices I am eavesdropping.

“How, Ams? How do I tell her?”

Aramis. He is coming back to me, everything is fine. I quickly get back into bed, but keep listening because that’s what my inner voice tells me to do.

Ami sighs, why is she awake in the middle of the night? “I don’t know, but please, tell her. She needs to know. Her heart is pure, she will forgive you.”

Are they talking about…me?

“I can’t just go and tell her I was there the night her mother was murdered and I had to stand by and do nothing? No one would understand that, not even her.”

My heart stops.

“You had no choice.”

“You always have a choice, Amira. I just picked the wrong one.”

He was there? But how? I don’t remember him. But I don’t remember much from that night either way. A heavy feeling settles inside my stomach and my heart beats erratically.

“You’re not a bad person, Aramis.”

“I hope she sees that too, because plunging a sword in someone’s abdomen is wrong in every way, the reason doesn’t matter. Her blood is on my hands.”

My ears shut out their voices, this isn’t real. It can’t be. Not Aramis. He is no murderer. There is no way. I am dreaming, that’s it.

But deep down I know that’s not the case. How can I remain here with him next to me? Knowing what he did. I’m going to be sick.

Confronting him now is the other option, but I can’t. It will end in rage and fury. So instead, I take deep breaths, somehow knowing exactly how far he is away from me.

I try to steady my racing heart, close my eyes and pretend to sleep. My magic takes over, hiding away every emotion, every stumble of my heartbeat, every tear that is currently rolling down my cheek.

My door opens and Aramis enters, gets back into bed and places a kiss on top of my head. I want to scream, shout, demand for answers. But my fire is tempered, the façade of calm so real it almost convinces me.

Yet, when I hear his breath deepening, a cocoon of flames form around me and I scream until my voice gives out. I bury my face in my pillow that is soaked with tears and let the darkness take me.