Page 68 of Reforming the Rakish Marquess

Until recently, he had never considered being a father. Not until he fell hopelessly in love with Juliana, and allowed himself to consider a normal life. He patted the ring in his pocket and closed his eyes. Juliana.

Jude crossed the room to his desk and poured himself a brandy, dropping into his seat. He downed it in a single gulp and refilled the glass but left it sitting untouched on his desk. He captured his head in his hands and rested his elbows on his thighs, falling more and more into despair.

“Juliana,” he let her name escape his lips in a whisper before a single tear slid down his left cheek, followed by another on his right.

He couldn’t subject her to the scandal that he faced. They hadn’t even finished resolving the scandal she faced, and he couldn’t subject her to another one. She would have been thrust into the spotlight already if she agreed to marry him, but once the ton learnt he had a child sired out of wedlock with a woman not of their class living in his home, the scandal would ignite a fire within the ton. Jude may no longer be invited to social events, even as a marquess.

There was no question that he was in love with Juliana. She was the only woman he would ever love, which was why he couldn’t ask her to risk a life with him that may be outside of society. She was far too kind and would sacrifice herself for him, and she had already done so once before to marry her first husband. He loved her too much to allow her to sacrifice her future again.

He was a fool to dream and believe he might be able to marry. He had it right the first time when he declared he would never marry. Jude could never marry, unless it was to Juliana.

Rose needed her father, and he couldn’t send her away to be raised by someone else and pretend she didn’t exist to save his reputation and marry Juliana. That notion would never be an option. He had a responsibility to be a good father to Rose, and he already missed out on the first few years of her life. She was his flesh and blood, and she deserved a true father. He may not have loved her mother, but he would love Rose and ensure she never wanted for a thing, including his attention and affection.

Jude downed the drink that he had poured and slammed the glass back on the desk. The tears flowed down his cheeks in streams. For the first time in his adult life, he allowed himself to break down. He wept for the future with Juliana that would never come to pass. He would hold their time together this afternoon in his heart for as long as he lived.

Grabbing two pieces of parchment, he dipped his quill in ink and began writing. Once he finished, he sanded and sealed each missive. With tears in his eyes, he reached for the bell pull.

By the time Abbott arrived, he had gained control over his emotions and dried his face.

“Abbott, I am departing to the country. I will inform Mrs. Jones and Rose that we will all depart to my country estate right away. So please ensure we are packed, and the carriage is ready as soon as possible. I am uncertain when I will return to town.”

Abbott offered him a soft smile. “Yes, my lord.”

“Also, please have this sent to Lady Gordon, but wait to do so until after our party has departed.”

Abbott took the missive and gave him a small nod before taking his leave. Jude took a few steadying breaths and urged himself to depart his study and ready them all for their departure.

The faster he could put physical distance between him and Juliana, the better. He wasn’t certain that if he remained in London that he could maintain his resolve not to go to her.

Chapter Twenty-One

Juliana was almost giddy after what she had transpired between her and Jude. He hadn’t said the words, but she knew things had changed between them, in the best ways. She tried to keep from watching the clock, eager for him to return for dinner.

She sighed and stared at the embroidery in her hands. It was the best she could come up with to pass the time while she waited. He should arrive in a couple of hours, if she was lucky.

“My lady, you have a visitor.”

She jumped, not realizing Drummond had entered.

“Lord Demming,” Drummond said.

Juliana set the embroidery aside. “Send him in.”

She rose, ready to greet Nate. He strode into the room and took her hands in his. “I hoped you wouldn’t mind me calling. I had to get the details of what occurred after I left earlier.”

Laughing, she motioned for him to take his seat. “Not at all. I’m glad you did. I am going crazy watching the clock. You are a welcome distraction.”

“Happy to oblige, my lady. I must say, I did not know your gentleman friend was society’s favorite rake. I am sure he is delightful,” Nate said, casting her a knowing glance.

She sighed. “Indeed.”

Drummond must have requested tea on her behalf because a maid came in with the tea cart, then departed. Juliana poured out for each of them while Nate selected a couple of biscuits and placed them on a small plate.

“Your gentleman didn’t seem to appreciate my presence here,” Nate said once they both had their tea.

“I’d never known him to be the jealous type, but I believe his affections are strong.” She paused, contemplating if she would speak her thoughts and hopes with her friend. “Actually, I believe he will propose this evening,” she said, unable to stop her wide grin.

“That is wonderful news. I am so happy for you, and I hope we can continue to be friends.”