Page 17 of Reforming the Rakish Marquess

“It was quite generous of Edward to protect you as he did. He must have loved you so much. I am so sorry that you lost him, and especially so young.” Hannah patted her hand, sympathy washing over her face.

“He was very dear to me.” Which was true. Her friend just didn’t understand the love between her and her husband hadn’t been as she believed, and how it was she had also been protecting him. Guilt rose inside her chest knowing that she kept such a secret from her friends. Perhaps she could explain it to them one day. But at least for the time being, it was best if they continued to believe her marriage hadn’t been one of convenience.

*

Jude set off on a walk to clear his head after the events of the afternoon. He still couldn’t believe that he agreed to the arrangement with Juliana. He should not have done so, but he also couldn’t regret his decision. Even if he left Carter scandalized when it came time to launder the breeches from that afternoon, it was the most satisfied that he had felt in a long time. It was laughable, considering she barely touched him. He could hardly admit it to himself, but he hoped Juliana would seek him out at tonight’s ball and ask him to sneak into her home.

Desire consumed him, overpowering the reservations he had. And he should have many. But it was his duty as a gentleman to honor a lady’s wishes, was it not? He would tell himself that at least, to stave off the thoughts of guilt, knowing that if their friends were aware of the agreement, they would believe he was taking advantage of a grieving widow. Who in their right mind could turn down a beautiful woman who begged for his affections? His physical attention, he mentally corrected himself. There would be no affection.

The tittering of a couple of ladies ahead of him snapped him back to his surroundings. He wasn’t sure of their names, but believed they both made their come outs this season. As he neared closer, he nodded his head towards them, but maintained the pace of his stride. He didn’t actually wish to speak with them.

He overheard their chatter after he passed them.

“Oh, isn’t he handsome? I know it’s him,” one of the young ladies swooned.

“Your mama will never introduce you. He’s far too scandalous.”

As the distance increased between them, he didn’t hear any more of their conversation, but he laughed to himself, shaking his head. He would be thankful that their mothers would keep the chits as far away from him as possible. They were probably nice enough, but he had no interest in the young ladies new to the marriage mart.

His thoughts drifted back to Juliana. He had met her during her come-out season and she didn’t giggle and titter as those girls had. She possessed a level of maturity and grace that far surpassed the other ladies, and he appreciated that about her.

Given what he knew of the nature of her marriage, she was one of the most loyal among young ladies of the ton, too. Few would have been as understanding and willing to protect the secrets of the late viscount. There were many men and women of society who enjoyed the company of the same sex in secret. While he believed people should enjoy the company of whomever they wished, as long as it was mutual, of course, it would take a long time for society to catch up to such progressive thoughts on things. Especially as long as it was still considered a crime to do so.

If society knew of what had occurred that afternoon, Jude would have to marry Juliana to save her reputation. He wondered if she was consumed with thoughts about what had occurred between them. With any luck, it lit a fire within her, which he would be more than willing to stoke this very evening if she were to ask. He shouldn’t feel that way, but he couldn’t help himself. As much as the situation was riddled with risk, something about being in her presence made him feel more at ease. And more intrigued and aroused than he had been in a long time.

When he arrived at White’s, he had worked himself up again and willed the twitching in his cock to subside. He struggled to push the mental images of the happenings from the afternoon out of his mind, and a wide grin spread across his face. He failed to notice Matt walking towards him as he entered the establishment.

“I know that grin, friend,” Matt said. “That’s about a woman.”

Jude laughed. “I won’t deny it.”

“I shan’t believe you if you did,” Matt said with a smirk, and patted him on the back.

The men found a seat at a table by the window, settling into high-backed leather chairs. Jude held up two fingers to the attendant, and within a few moments, they each had a snifter of brandy in their hand.

“So, are you going to tell me about this woman?” Matt asked.

“Come now, won’t you hear about it from a scandal sheet soon enough?” Jude jested. He wasn’t certain how the scandal columnists got their stories, since not all of them were true by any means. Sometimes he would put out false stories to see if they would make it to the columns, and they always did.

He wasn’t nearly as wild or as exciting as the ton believed him to be. But he was more than happy to continue to allow them to believe so, since his notoriety kept him free from the matchmaking mamas. It also gave his friend something to jab at him about.

Matt took a sip of his drink. “You don’t think I believe everything they write, do you?”

“Of course not,” Jude said, “but let the ton have their fun.”

“Quite generous of you to sacrifice your reputation for the amusement of society, friend.” Matt assessed him from behind his glass.

Jude shrugged. “I will never marry, so what does it matter to me?”

“Are you in love with some lady of the night?” Matt narrowed his eyes on his friend.

“Come now, you know better than that,” Jude scoffed, waving him off.

“Do I?” Matt asked.

Jude drained the contents of his glass and set it on the table. “You are well aware of my rules. No women of the ton, no love or marriage, no kissing, and take care not to create a babe.”

Matt shook his head and finished the rest of his brandy before signaling the attendant to bring another round. “I daresay you are always at risk of creating a babe.”