Page 112 of Summer Holiday Lifeline

“We’ve talked about this. I have to do these things by myself.”

“What things? Wait and worry?”

“Untangle the shit in my head. You make it easy to just let it all go.”

“And what’s wrong with letting it go?”

“I need to—I can’t—” He huffed. “I don’t know. It’s part of me. I let it go, and what’s left?”

“Still you,” Steven assured him. “I promise.” He leaned against Myles, letting Myles take his weight, like he knew being able to support someone, even if just physically, just for a moment, let him feel like he was doing something.

Myles wrapped both arms around his shoulders. “There’s been this tangle inside me for so long.”

“You don’t know who you are without it.”

“Something like that.”

“Trust me, I know what that’s like. I was wearing this house around my neck like an anchor. Letting it drag me under. It took you falling apart being a bigger deal than it falling apart to make me see what was going on.”

Myles snorted. “Gee. So glad I could help.”

“You do, actually.” Steven planted both palms against his chest and pushed back so they could look at each other. “And sorry I characterized it like that, but⁠—”

Myles kissed his forehead. “Don’t be. That was a brutal day.”

“I hope you know you can have those and it won’t change how I feel about you.”

“I know.”

“Do you? Really? Do you know I can hold shit together some days so you don’t have to? I get the feeling you’re much more used to being the rescuer than the rescuee.”

“I’d say that was bullshit, but there are too many people around here who might call my bluff.”

“I suspect so, yes.” Steven sighed and leaned back in, for which Myles was grateful.

Holding him let all the unease flow around them and away without stopping to burden Steven down. It just let Myles feel like he was doing something other than fretting or abdicating.

“You know,” Steven said, voice suspiciously conversational, “all those people you mentioned. They’re here for you, too.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“As I understand it, you actually took the big step and asked them to help. Now you’re here, have been all summer, and yet you kind of still don’t let them do much for you without making it a big deal.”

“Eventually, I am going to have to go back to looking after those kids by myself.”

Steven grunted and pushed away again, this time right out of Myles’s arms and a few steps away. He busied himself straightening the precarious piles of cookbooks as he spoke. “If you say so, I guess.”

“Calgary is a long way away, Steven. Not much anyone can do across half the country.”

“All true.” He straightened and faced Myles. “I’m going to let you get back to your inventory. I have a few calls to make. You good?”

Myles stifled a frown but nodded. “Yeah. I am. Thanks.”

“Good.” Abruptly, Steven spun and headed for the front counter, where he fished out what looked like a small address book. “I’ll just be back in Dad’s office if you need anything. “

“Sure.” Myles took his seat on the couch and pulled his TV tray back where he could reach the tablet. When he glanced back up, Steven was gone.

It took a long time for the music to come back on, and when it did, it offered only a steady stream of the most twangy of country music. The noise slowly got on every last one of Myles’s nerves.