Page 61 of Lifeline

I opened my mouth, and then he blurted out in misery, “And now my brother won’t fucking tell me what’s wrong with him and what if that’s because he can’t help but remember the time I locked him out of my life? What if he…can’t forgive me?”

I leaned forward and kissed him, ignoring the way he jerked back in surprise and holding onto him. When he finally settled, I broke the kiss, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze to show I was still there. “You and me…we’re figuring things out. I’m not saying that to make you feel better, or not just to make you feel better, but because it’s true.”

He swallowed thickly. “Yeah.”

“We are,” I assured him, leaning down to make sure he was looking me in the eye. “We’re not going to figure it out overnight, or next week, or even next month. You’re still going to be upset with me for what I did to you, and the same goes for me. I’m still going to feel guilty and ashamed of how I wronged you, and you’re going to feel the same way for the things you did wrong. But we can’t constantly beat ourselves up either. There has to be a point where we can look at those feelings and say, ‘Yeah, you still exist, but you don’t control my life.’ We’re never going to be anything but miserable piles of humanity if we do that.”

“True,” he said in a thick voice, but his smile was genuine. “Christ, sorry, I’m being⁠—”

“Don’t say dramatic,” I cut him off. “You sound like me when you do that. And Reno? I wouldn’t worry about him too much.”

“He’s my brother,” he said in annoyance, which I took as a good sign. “A pain in the ass, but he’s my brother. And something is happening, I know it.”

“And you’re not going to hear me argue,” I said, giving his hands a squeeze. “But maybe…just maybe, it’s a good idea to let him sort through the things he’s got going on right now and worry about your own problems, eh? He seems not to be worrying about you like you’ve hinted at him doing before, so maybe he’s letting you do your thing while he’s doing his.”

He eyed me suspiciously. “Do you know something?”

“I have a suspicion,” I said slowly. “But I’ll only tell you on one condition.”

“What’s that?” he asked warily.

I grinned. “Take a shower with me, but I get to soap you up.”

His eyes went wide. “Are you ready to go again after that?”

“I’m ready to get ready to go again. I’m thinking…a free day with you where we can taunt and tease until we take it out on each other. I’m thinking my ass this time,” I chuckled, kissing him. “Because even with all the complications and feelings we still have to sort through, I want to be here…with you.”

He sighed. “Well, when you put it like that…it’s hard to say no.”

“Then don’t,” I chuckled.

“And I won’t,” he said as he stood up. “C’mon.”

And so we went, naked and not caring because we were happy, and I was able to shove away the squirming guilt of my sins for the moment. I would talk to him and tell him the truth soon.

Until then, I just wanted to be happy.

10

MIKA

“Alright, boys and girls,” came the deep rumble of Xander’s voice over the walkie. “Get your asses to the dining hall; we’ve got a meeting. Now.”

I had barely stood up from my table, where I was going over data, when Cait’s voice crackled over the airwaves. “Girls?”

Xander’s exasperated voice followed. “Lady.”

“I’m no lady,” she said, and I snorted at the mental image of Xander’s expression as he once again caught shit from Cait because she felt like it. She was one of only two people who felt comfortable enough to give him hell, and it never stopped being funny to someone who wouldn’t dare give him a hard time without backup.

His voice was irritated when he came back on. “Mika, do you have what I asked for?”

“Not yet,” I said after snatching up the radio. “Almost.”

“Fine, how long?”

“Dunno.”

“That’s not fucking helpful.”