Page 68 of After Midnight

A look of concern crosses his face. “Why? Is the Jeep okay?”

“The Jeep’s fine. I just . . .” I draw the word out slowly. “I wanted to watch your plane take off.”

His concerned expression slowly morphs into a beaming grin, dimples and all. “You really are a romantic. I had no idea.”

Overhead, a voice comes through the speakers, making Sebastian sit up straighter.

“That’s my plane,” he says, then grabs his bag and stands up, the camera jostling around. “I’ll wave to you from my window seat, okay?”

I find myself nodding. “Okay. I’ll watch for you.”

His eyes soften. Behind him, people are starting to line up to board.

“Bye, Rem,” he says softly.

I bite my lip. “Bye, Seb.”

THOUGH I TRIED, I COULDN’T see Seb from the little oval windows when the plane took off. But I sat there in the parking lot until his plane vanished into the clear blue sky. Then I started the Jeep and drove home.

Now, I’m sitting at my vanity, makeup brushes and eyeshadow palettes spread out around me while DeathbyRomy’s Entropy album plays softly from my bedroom speakers. And though I’m trying to ignore it, there’s this loneliness following me around, like a shadow clinging to the corners of the room, there but quiet, only obvious when I look close.

Seb’s energy filled my condo until it felt like the walls might burst. Now, somehow, it feels empty, even with the lights on and music playing as I paint my armor on one brush stroke at a time.

I have to get my head straight. When I walk into Caliber, I walk in there as Mirage, not Remi. But right now, putting on Mirage’s face feels like I burden I don’t want to carry. Some nights are like this—some nights I just don’t feel like it—but this feels different. This feels more hollow, like Seb carved out a little spot in my chest and curled up there, keeping me warm. But now he’s not there.

He’s back home. I know, because he already texted me to let me know he’d landed.

With a sigh, I finish putting on my makeup and long false lashes, then plug in my straightener. While it’s heating up, I look into the mirror and notice something dangling from under the covers on the bed.

Curious, I stand from the vanity and pad across the bedroom, then pull the covers back. And one of Seb’s hoodies is lying there, perfectly draped across my sheets, like it was placed there on purpose for me to later find. I pick it up and bring it to my nose, drawing in the smell of it, the smell of him. A mix of joy and sadness goes through me. I was with him just a few hours ago; how can it be that I miss him this much already?

I grab my phone, snap a quick selfie of me holding up the hoodie, then text it over to Seb.

You forgot something.

I go to hang the hoodie in my closet, and my phone is already pinging as I return to the bedroom.

Guess you should put it on and fly it back home to me. c

My gaze tracks over the tiny words on the screen, and then I read it again. My straightener beeps, telling me it’s warmed up, but I keep staring at the phone.

Put it on and fly it home, I think, nibbling my bottom lip.

Did Seb just ask me to come to Cali? And did he leave the hoodie here on purpose, knowing I’d text him about it?

The thought makes me warm inside, almost giddy.

Could I go to Cali? That might mean taking time off from the club, and I really need to stay focused to get Riley’s tuition covered. Maybe a quick one-day trip? But we’d be in a rush the whole time.

Dread twists around inside me.

For the first time, I feel like I’m stuck here, when where I really want to be is in his arms.

With a sigh, I put my phone down, then sit at my vanity and start straightening my hair. I need to put Seb from my mind, at least until I finish my shift at Caliber. Because when I’m thinking of him, I’m thinking like Remi, not like Mirage. And I have to leave Remi at home; she’s not the one who’s going to walk through the curtain onto the main stage, adorned in glitter and heels, smiling like nothing can hurt her.

So I tell myself to get it together, and as I transform myself into the woman I have to be to do what I do, I push Remi down deep inside, where she has to stay.

chapter 29