Page 96 of Dragon Her Heels

TWENTY-THREE

“The only thing better than pie is watching someone floor Lucifer.”

I needed to remember that Lucifer cheated whenever he could whenever he wanted.

Rather than drive to the livestock sale like sane sentients with trucks, after we reached a quiet stretch of road not far after leaving my street, the bastard opted for mass teleportation. Fortunately for me, there were no animals in the back, as I’d left Joy alone with her black rooster of a suitor so I might have some frizzle babies.

Unfortunately for me, I panicked, slammed the brakes, and smashed my forehead directly into the steering wheel of my truck.

Sometimes, being short and small benefited me.

Others, it resulted in a lump on my forehead, a bloodied nose, and literal tears.

Yuless held a handkerchief to my nose, checking it every now and then to see if the bleeding had stopped. After ten minutes, rocking bumps, bruises, and a black eye, he declared I’d probably survive.

As he lacked common sense, he went after the Devil like he meant it and cold cocked the bastard.

“You may take me on a date now,” I announced. “The only thing better than pie is watching someone floor Lucifer.”

Darlene nudged her husband, who whined and groaned about the unfairness of it all. “I warned you, you idiot. I know you wanted to surprise them, but you surprised her straight into busting her face on her steering wheel. You’re lucky you had the foresight to teleport us to the lot, you’d arranged for the lot to be cleared for us, and that they’re holding the start of the auction for us. I’ll call your brother. You clean the blood out of her truck. And don’t you dare heal that black eye, you little bitch. You deserve it!”

I loved Darlene. “Why can’t I marry you?” I complained.

“We’d beat each other up every day, and you don’t swing that way. I don’t swing that way either, although I do love a good pair of breasts. Yours are pretty, but they’re on the small side.”

I stared down at my chest, which proved her point and revealed how much I’d bled all over my shirt. “Do you think his brother can remove the stains?”

“Absolutely. You’ll just have to do some light bargaining for it. I’ll call Michael. He’s a good sport, and he can issue some burns to the idiot.”

Lucifer bounced to his feet, got into his rig, and moved it out of the way before stealing my keys and moving my truck. When he returned, he herded us in the direction of the building. “Welcome to Keeneland. As soon as my brother fixes your nose and cleans your shirt, we shall go in and the auction will begin. I am confident that you will be able to find the perfect little friend to take home today.”

I wanted to cry; Keeneland was the auction thoroughbred owners with a hatred of money went to so they could add a beautiful animal to their lineup—an animal that might, with the right training and care, become a Triple Crown contender. “You’re evil.”

The Devil burst into laughter and nodded. “I really am. And as you did a horrifically good act at personal cost to yourself, I have selected several rewards for you. And as I have lured you here, and we cannot teleport back because of the precious cargo we will be hauling, I have taken advantage of the opportunity to continue the renovations on your barns, arena, and basement.”

“Wait, basement?”

“I noticed your food hoarding tendencies, and I have hired the best workers to ever exist to build everything I have decided you are receiving while I’m providing this most excellent distraction. Thank you for playing right into my hands, Yuless.”

The tall, dark, and handsome sighed. “Please tell me you were serious about the date, Crystal.”

Hope sprung eternal. “You’re even getting two dates, because I’m totally counting this as a date. You cold cocked the Devil, and he has been forced to accept your prowess. I mean, I’m going to be honest here: any man brave enough to sock the Devil in the eye is winning a date.”

Darlene nodded, and she paused long enough to send a text on her phone. “It’s true. If I hadn’t already hitched this bitch and happily handled the whipping, I’d be offering you a date, too. I’d even agree to share my date with Crystal. For some reason, women are far more likely to attack him. Men tend to chicken out.”

A flash of silvery light announced the arrival of Michael, who laughed at the absurdity of the situation. “I do not require a bargain for this, my dearest sister. The scales have been balanced as it is. Brace yourself, Crystal. This does hurt some.”

I tensed, braced as ordered, and waited for the archangel to prove the truth of his words. While it hurt less than smashing into my steering wheel, I yelped. Blue-white light flashed over my vision, and when it faded it took the blood with it. “Thank you.”

“I shall also attend to your truck, as your air bag should have deployed. It will be corrected by the time you are ready to haul your share of the purchases. Brother, do hurry. They are waiting for you to begin the terms and conditions of the auction.”

Lucifer sighed. “You’re going to make me do it, aren’t you?”

“Do it,” Darlene ordered.

“Thank you,” the Devil muttered.

“You are welcome, my brother.”