Page 31 of Dragon Her Heels

I narrowed my eyes. “I will need to ward my place against theft, it seems—especially the theft of my livestock. If anyone does anything to my animals, I’ll be earning a trip straight to hell for some discipline.”

The Devil’s wife laughed. “You’re going to have to try harder than that if you want a round in the dungeons as a fucking asshole. However, arrangements can be made if you want to be the discipline.”

I sucked in a breath. “If someone hurts my animals, I can discipline them in hell?”

“Absolutely.”

“I want first crack at animal abusers, please. Can you get that written into my performance bonuses? If I do a good job, I relieve some of my frustrations. I’m sure I can be violent under the right circumstances.”

The first and last time I’d socked someone, a boy in my class had kicked a dog. I’d knocked his lights out, earning a suspension for three days. Upon learning the kid had kicked a dog, he’d gotten a ten day suspension and a day in court for animal abuse. My suspension had been stricken from my record. His had been upheld, and he’d been given a warning he might spend some time in juvie should he continue his unbecoming behavior.

Darlene made a satisfied sound. “There is always room in the dungeon for those wanting a round with the animal abusers. I’ll make certain that incentive is written in for you. Have you had dinner yet?”

“I was about to start making something. What that something is is to be determined.”

“How does pizza sound?”

“Pizza sounds like I don’t have to cook.”

“I’ll be over in ten minutes, and I’ll even bring the lout and put him in one of your corners so you can enjoy his downfall, too.”

Before I had a chance to say anything, Darlene hung up.

Having ten minutes to work with, I accepted she’d be meeting me at my worst, took the time to wash my face and hands again, and pulled out three plates and cups, and went to work making a pot of tea. With five minutes to blow, I went out to the chicken coop, retrieved the frizzle, and decided to indulge the pullet until dinner was over.

A few moments after I released the beast on the kitchen floor, Lucifer appeared with a succubus with spotted, feathered wings and a snow leopard’s distinctive tail. The succubus held a box of pizza up in the air as though it were a priceless treasure.

The pair stared at the chicken, who waddled over to them and threw herself against the Devil’s feet.

“I will rip your horns off if you steal my bird,” I informed him, placing my hands on my hips. “That chicken is mine.”

The Devil stared down at his feet. “What are you doing to your animals? Animals should not like me.”

“You abused your brother so she’d feel better. Why wouldn’t she like you?”

“I am the Devil, Crystal. Most animals don’t like me all that much. I took precautions at the feed store to minimize the consequence of my presence.” He eyed my frizzle. “What the hell kind of chicken is this? She looks like she stuck her beak in an electric socket. I thought my brother healed those wretched fiends.”

“She’s the frizzle, Lucifer.”

“Right. I forgot about the frizzle. I just wasn’t expecting her to look so…”

“Frizzled?” I suggested with a grin.

He sighed but nodded.

Darlene laughed, headed to the counter, and set the pizza box down. “Don’t mind him. It’s been a long day, and he’s been trying to unravel future possibilities for most of it. His brain probably looks a lot like your chicken right now. She’s wretchedly ugly yet adorable, though. I’d be bringing her inside, too.”

“She cried when I left her in the coop. I’m going to have an indoor chicken at this rate, and I don’t have a bed for an indoor chicken.”

With a hiss, Darlene turned to her husband. “Indoor chicken bed, now.”

The Devil wisely teleported away in a flash of golden light.

The succubus smirked, bounced over to me, and engulfed me in a hug. “You’re a delight. You’re new, and you’re already driving Lucy absolutely wild. I can’t wait until you’re fully settled and can join the rest of the minions. He’s told me it’ll be a while, though. I’m not sure why, but I’ve learned to accept it when he fully puts his foot down. He’s being secretive about you, and I’m not sure why.”

“Secretive? How? He’s just showing up in public and threatening to send people to hell if they piss him off.”

Darlene bowed her head and sighed. “He’s always like this. He’s either sullen, energetic, or chaos incarnate, and he’s being chaos incarnate today. Dare I ask what else he’s done?”