Page 113 of Dragon Her Heels

“Easily done. You can even have raw milk if you need it. Whatever you need to make me cheese, it will be yours.”

“I take it you like bread and cheese.”

I nodded. “They’re defeated only by pie.”

“Honestly, I thought pizza was your favorite, judging from how you fight Darlene over the last slice.”

One day, I might understand why I lost my mind when it came to Darlene and that precious last slice of pizza. “Technically, pizza is a pie, so perhaps I understand we are waging war over a most sacred object.”

He snickered. “I’m just going to bring an entire extra pizza in the hopes I tame you two gluttons if pizza is involved in anything I’m arranging. You seem to be fine if there are two pizzas for you to fight over. If there’s only one, all hell breaks loose, and even Lucifer struggles to separate you.”

“She’s a safe outlet, and unlike my boss, I have no desire to actually punt her into the lake.”

“May I ask why you like punting him into the lake so much?”

I giggled, opened the menu, and began the sacred tradition of searching for my next conquest. “I will answer only if you swear not to tell anybody how much I’m planning to gorge on tonight.”

“Your gluttonous secret is safe with me. I also plan on gorging, as it has been a long time since I’ve gotten to go to such a nice restaurant.”

“Then it’s settled. We are united in our need to eat so much Lucifer is going to have to retrieve us. We will not be capable of walking.”

“That sounds like a great plan.” Like me, he checked the menu, and he made a pleased sound in his throat. “I will be opening the show with the mussels, and mine will have bathed in hot wine and spices.”

“A most excellent choice.” I browsed the available appetizers. “I am going to explore the seafood appetizer meant for two, and I might even be inclined to share it with you.”

“Clearly, I better order two of the mussels, as I have noticed they are not present in the seafood exploratory dish.”

It amused me we were both angling for seafood in a steakhouse. “My boss makes this delightful squeal when punted. It’s this sound of purest protest, and then it dies with the smack of him hitting the water. I am going to cry so much when my punting days are over. I mean, my punting days will likely end when he gets tired of my shit, decides to show up in his larger form, and eats me for my impertinence. Right now, I’m useful to him. That is quite probably preserving my life.”

Yuless raised a brow. “It is worth noting that your boss continually allows you to punt him.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s because he has sworn vengeance and will conquer me come hell or high water, or some nonsense like that. It’s basically in his signature to any email that he sends to me nowadays. I keep telling him no, and then when he annoys me, I punt him. It’s not my fault he keeps coming back for more.”

“I can’t say I disagree with you. So, you like punting him, he tolerates being ejected from your property and into the lake, and everyone is happy.”

“I wouldn’t call it happy. Every time I punt him, he goes up on his spire to indulge in a sulk. I get a lot of work done after he’s been punted and he’s sulking, as he’s not bothering me. I get a lot less done when he’s bothering me. I’m concerned, however. We’re almost at the stage in some of his negotiations where we have to travel together. My boss? He is draconic perfection and does not indulge in human shapes. The other dragons? They’re willing to use my kitchen while human. My boss? He walks around my counters and tries to bake while a tiny dragon. And the other dragons play fetch for him. It’s shameful!”

Yuless, who had done a stint or twenty in one of my kitchens, snorted on a laugh. “I can explain that for you. It’s because he was the first awake. That, plus he bites.”

That I believed; I’d witnessed him chomp on his fellow dragons more than a few times, and I’d punted him into the lake a time or two over his poor manners. “All the dragons infesting my property are male. Where are the female dragons?”

“There are no female dragons.”

Well, that explained more than a few things, including the sad state of the flock. “Why are there no females?”

“I believe it is because dragons are creations of the Universe rather than a natural species. Dragons predate humanity and were brought into being not long after the Universe created the divine. I am not certain if dragons are true immortals, but unlike the divine, dragons only exist in times of prosperity.” Yuless shrugged. “I’m guessing reproduction was not part of the Universe’s plan for dragons.”

“The Universe had a plan?” I blurted. “Have you seen what the Destroyer of Georgia did to those three cities? Did the Universe plan on how to feed so many dragons?”

“Only the first awakened tends to eat quite that much. I believe a herd of cows is sufficient to tame their hunger when they first awaken.”

Maybe if I spent more time in the kitchen listening to the dragons chatter, I might have a better understanding of their society. “And there are more than twenty-three dragons? Because let’s face it, twenty-three is an insane number of dragons as it is.”

“There are more, although how many will show up remains to be seen, I suppose. But I can tell you there are more.”

I worried for my sanity if even more dragons showed up. “I should start charging them entry fees.”

Yuless laughed, and the waiter chose that moment to appear, beginning the tedious process of selecting the appropriate adult beverages to add spice to our evening, order our feast of appetizers, and listen to the restaurant’s evening specials, which did a good job of making me drool.