Page 26 of Whiskers on Kittens

I spat feline curses, eyed the room for something to take my temper out on, and eyed my phone. As though sensing I was about to send it on a flight, Easton scooped it up, held it out of my reach, and waggled his finger at me.

Prowling his way, I yowled at him as I couldn’t roar even if I wanted to.

“With how you talk, I was convinced you were a lion, tiger, or lynx,” he stated, looking me over. “You’re some form of spotted menace, I see, although you seem to be rather diminutive in nature.” He graced me with a wolfish grin. “Big talk, teeny tiny little body. I could knock you across the street with a single swipe of my paw while a wolf—and I don’t mean while in my hybrid form.”

The wolf would pay for his commentary, and I swiped my paw at his leg, although I kept my claws retracted to prevent having to pay a bloodshed bill.

Neutralizer cost a fortune, and I would rather spend the money on more interesting pursuits, including securing the troublesome wolf as my territory. To show him I might be tiny but scored at the top for ferocity, I showed him my sharp, pointy teeth and hissed at him.

“I can pick you up without breaking a sweat. I will scruff you, little kitty.”

I flattened my ears at his threat and growled.

Easton prowled around me, looking me over from the tip of my perfect nose down to my tail. “I have no idea what you are, but you’re gorgeous. I can’t argue with your claims of feline perfection. You are some form of wild cat species, but outside of guessing you’re a leopard of some sort, I have no idea what you are.”

A flash of light startled me, and I spun, spitting curses. A rather amused Lucifer, dressed in a suit and sporting his horns, leathery wings, and forked tail, took his time eyeing the wolf. “She’s a clouded leopard. Once she forms a mating bond, she’ll increase in size a little, although she’ll always be on the diminutive side. I come bearing a gift of badges and authorization to do naughty things without it showing up on your record as long as the naughty things are to all the people on the list your little kitty got out of me yesterday. Dealing with ridiculous bouts of self-esteem problems will not get this job done in a timely fashion, and this matter needs to be handled before Christmas. We cannot have a Christmas reunion unless everything is tied off with a neat little bow on Christmas Eve. We all have places to be on Christmas, so I’m here to make sure this show gets on the road with the appropriate amount of haste. We do not have all week for you two to posture about the legalities of clearing out the properties of traffickers.”

As Lucifer could handle a few scratches and bites, I snarled and went for him, claws out. Before I could reach him, Easton snagged me around the middle, hauled me up, and struggled to contain me.

I hissed, and as I had sworn not to cost myself a fortune in neutralizer, I resisted the urge to rip the wolf the shreds.

“Don’t mind her. Her virus is quite active and ready to cause trouble.” Ignoring my antics, Lucifer snapped his fingers, and all evidence of our lunch-time slaughter vanished. He snapped his fingers again, and a brown cardboard box appeared. “I made an oversight while wining and dining your little kitty last night. If I sent you two to the CDC to get badged, you would be there for a week arguing with the paper pushers. As your little kitty does not have patience for paper pushers right now, I thought I’d cut through all the red tape so you two can get on the road tomorrow morning.”

“My little kitty?”

“Possession is nine-tenths of the law, and you have possession of the little kitty, so she is your little kitty. Personally, I wouldn’t put her down until she’s had a chance to calm herself. She is quite riled up. This issue has tested her limits and will continue to do so until Christmas. I do have an idea that will help calm her a little.”

Easton carried me to the bed, dumped me on it, and pressed his hand between my shoulders, pressing down until I cooperated and made myself comfortable on the bedding. He sat beside me, and once he determined I wasn’t going anywhere, he went to work petting my back.

My virus swooned, and I worried he’d take us both out if he went for the sweet spot behind my ears.

I regretted my inability to purr.

“Can we start with the badges?”

“Of course.” Lucifer went to the box, rummaged through it, and pulled out two leather badges. He displayed them, showing the FBI’s badge on the front with badge numbers. He opened one to reveal an information card displaying Easton’s information. “I recommended that education, past experience, and records be evaluated for both of you, indicated my father had recruited you for the work, and suggested that an entire trafficking ring might be closed down in a hurry if you two were badged. You have undercover operating rights. Kelsie, I took the liberty of having your latest range records pulled, which was sufficient qualification to be issued a firearm. After Christmas, you will be expected to go in for appropriate testing, but you will pass with flying colors—something one of my irritating brothers confirmed.”

Easton sucked in a breath but said nothing.

“While I’m the Lord of Lies, you’ll find me an honest enough fellow. If it keeps my father from whining, I’ll do more than wrangle some idiots over at the FBI. Leave your little kitty there and come meet your badge. Right now, you’re badged with both the CPD and the FBI. This can add additional complexity to your life, but I expect the FBI will come knocking to make you a permanent employee in due time. I took the liberty of negotiating your compensation for your work. While your little kitty won’t care about getting paid, you will, and the CPD will refuse to pay you because you aren’t in their jurisdiction. This will prove to be their final mistake, as it will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Your little kitty will have a great deal of fun tearing them down, resulting in a complete reorganization of the CPD. Should you opt to return to the CPD, you will enjoy proper treatment.” Lucifer smiled, and his expression disconcerted me. “I recommend you function as a CPD-FBI-CDC liaison. There aren’t many triple liaisons, and that would crank your value through the roof. It’ll make you quite comparable to your little kitty down the road. That’s far more important to you than it is to her.”

“I wonder why,” Easton grumbled.

“Don’t be surly. She couldn’t hold your income against you even if she tried. She reserves her fury for the greedy bastards who abuse the little worker bees. That’ll annoy you, too, although you’ll be more annoyed because of her fits of temper when she’s forced to negotiate compromises when she wants to beat the ever-living shit out of the greedy bastards.”

As Lucifer spoke nothing but the truth, I went about the serious business of grooming, starting with my front paws, as I figured that might keep the grouchy wolf from overreacting.

“Is it safe to let her go?”

“It should be, but I’ll remind you she is a cat. She really doesn’t want to pay a neutralizer bill, so she’ll just take swipes and posture. She hates paying neutralizer bills. That’s money she could have spent elsewhere.” Lucifer came over, reached down, and scratched under my chin. “Having a little kitty of my own, the chin scritches and the behind the ear scritches will get you out of most trouble. The butt rubs are a good way to earn her ire, especially as the little kitties really enjoy it, become embarrassed they enjoy it, get other ideas they’d really like to pursue, and become rather frustrated because you’re just trying to be nice. But if you want a good time, a vigorous butt rub will do the trick, especially if you scratch right where the tail meets her back. That drives my little kitty right up the nearest wall.”

I turned back an ear, as I had a tendency of swatting anyone who even thought about giving my butt a rub while in my divine feline form.

According to Easton’s expression, he’d clued in the Devil was short a few cans of a six pack. I waited for the moment the poor wolf realized the Lord of Lies was the kind of man I’d invite home for holiday meals.

Lucifer winked at me before saying, “So, I’d like to bargain with you. It’s nothing much. View it as a repayment for paving the way on this venture and saving you a week of red tape.”

I covered my eyes with my paws, aware I would need to apologize to Easton for failing to teach him about how to best negotiate with the divine.