Page 2 of Whiskers on Kittens

I’d never gotten to do actual time in prison before. I always kept my mischief to misdemeanors that wouldn’t influence my ability to work.

I’d driven half the prison staff insane by the time I’d been released a few hours before the trial and sentencing, testing the limits of their patience and rules to evaluate how they treated prisoners. I’d also gotten into three different fights with idiotic male lycanthropes who thought it was a good idea to visit the women’s section of the prison.

One had gone back to his cell with his tail between his legs. The other two had gone to intensive care.

I’d emerged with bruised knuckles, a broken toe, and a healthy helping of praise from the prison security for defending myself and the other women in my section of the prison.

Judge McMurphy really should have given me at least two years of community service.

The angel chuckled. “No, she is not a child, but she loves children and would shave her fur off without hesitation or regret to save them. As this was her nature before her lycanthropy virus matured, it is amplified in her. That is why she is here. Her punishment will be an act of service, rescuing a litter of kittens stolen from a lycanthrope couple. They have the cougar strain, and as they had some assistance from demons, the couple had a girl and four boys. These kittens are six years old and were taken from their home with the intent of trafficking them. This is where you come in, Officer Dannell. Your assignment is to, working with Kelsie, recover the kittens. The parents have requested a miracle for Christmas, and He has chosen you two as the vessels for His working. As He is a supporter of free will, however obnoxious free will can be, you may opt out of doing the work, but He is confident of your success in this matter.”

As it was mid-November, we would have a little over a month to track down the kidnappers and safely rescue the kittens. “I thought community service was supposed to be a punishment, ma’am.”

If some angel wanted me to steal kittens back from some thieving assholes, I wasn’t going to say no. That I would have to work with the disgruntled cop sent my virus for a loop. With everything right in her world, I foresaw a fulfilling few weeks that concluded with bloodshed and holiday cheer.

If work came calling, I would pass the assignments off to a few skilled people who could do almost as good of a job as me to earn some favor in my field. When possible, I’d find out about the job first, and if it helped put me in a position to bust the kidnappers, I’d mix work and pleasure in ways I hadn’t before.

If I found out any of the corporations knocking at my door were involved, I would burn their entire operations to the ground.

On second thought, it seemed only fair to warn my new partner of the reality he would soon endure. “No offense intended, Officer Dannell, but you’re going to have to arrest me for numerous acts of violence when we find these kidnappers and the kittens are safely recovered. I’m also accepting responsibility and will present myself for arrest for every damned crime I pull along the way, because if I need a car to get somewhere, and one isn’t provided, I will steal one to see these kittens home for the holidays.” On second thought, I’d just buy a car if I needed one as grand theft auto would create problems for my work life. To make it clear what I thought of him, I stared into his eyes and said, “Keep up, Mr. Goody-Goody, or be left behind. No kittens are getting trafficked on my watch.”

The cop raised a brow although he said nothing.

The angel’s laughter reminded me of winter bells tinkling in a light breeze. “And this is why He wishes for her to participate in their safe recovery. Officer, she has enough motivation for both of you, and while you will not approve of her methodology, you will be able to mostly keep her on the right side of the law. Mostly. I’m sure she’ll be back here for more community service hours as the law is merely something in the way of her doing what she wishes. Well, for this matter. I am sure she can navigate the legal waters with grace and skill, knowing which lines to toe during this mission.”

Judge McMurphy rummaged through the briefcase, nodded, and pulled out a stack of papers, handing them to me. “Here is the information on the kittens. You’ll need that. It includes the transcription of the interviews with their parents. Officer, welcome to the big leagues. You’ve always been by the book, which is an excellent trait in law enforcement, but it’s time you learn about the other side of how this world works. Our attorneys are both aware of how this works, and they were specifically chosen to make certain Miss Winfield’s latest caper resulted only in community service. Good work to both of you, by the way. Miss Winfield helped, as her honesty and sincerity allowed me to go for the minimum community service time the crime permits. Had the value of the mouse been less than several million dollars, I wouldn’t have even given her service time, although it is useful in this specific case. Kelsie, I was asked to speak with you regarding your wicked ways.”

I raised my brows at the judge’s commentary. “I mean, I didn’t know the mouse had been worth that much when I’d gone in. And I really believed it was rhinestones for a toy. But knowing what I know about who dared me to do it, I fully realize I deserve the six months for being stupid. And really, that mouse should be confiscated. That quality of nip and dust cannot be legal.”

Judge McMurphy snickered. “It was a newer strain of catnip, and it’s particularly potent on lycanthropes and shapeshifters. The pixie dust is a low grade, and it was legal for their personal use. Officer Dannell, if you require your new partner to behave, simply give her a toy with the catnip and dust. I will make certain you have a supply.”

“Partner?” the cop growled.

The angel joined the judge in snickering, the only warning I needed that my day was about to take a sharp left turn.

“I don’t know about you, Mr. Goody-Goody, but that is the sound of you finding out something awful the next time either speak. You have made a mistake. If you hadn’t asked, you wouldn’t be getting an answer right now. I promise you, you are not going to like the answer to that question.” To help him understand his situation better, I dug out my phone, returned to me after having done my time in prison, pulled up the PDF of my various educational accomplishments, and handed it to him. “My problem is boredom. I’ve already paid off the debt for that education, because when I am working, I’m good at my job.”

The cop accepted the phone although he stared at me rather than investigate my qualifications. “What, exactly, is your job?”

“I’m a negotiator for corporations. When two companies want to make a deal and need a third party to help them with the negotiations, I’m called in. I go over the legalities of their deal, check for potential monopoly snags, and otherwise bring common sense to the table in a corporate landscape completely lacking in common sense. As I charge a rather horrific amount per hour, corporations prefer if they finish their negotiations quickly. I also work as an arbitrator for legal disputes between corporations and customers. I put in significant pro bono hours helping certain class action lawsuits get a good start on spanking corporations as well.”

Then, as I did have a wicked side, I smiled. “Illinois, New York, California, New Jersey, and Delaware do not debar attorneys for misdemeanors and criminal mischief. These are the states I’m currently licensed to work in. As I don’t typically make any appearances in court, and I do not advertise my status as an esquire, I get called Miss Winfield rather than Dr. Winfield, Esquire, or one of my other titles.” I eyed my phone, which the officer still held. “I’m sure I have more titles from those various degrees and pieces of paper.”

The judge snickered. “When I’d gotten your file, along with a note to kindly keep your status as an attorney under wraps, as it had no relevance to your criminal mischief, I’d gotten a good laugh out of it. Your rap sheet is a work of art. I did the research while you handled that business in the prison for me. Thank you for that, by the way. Your information was quite useful. Some of your observations illustrated some issues, which are in progress of being resolved.”

“You planted her in prison?” the cop growled.

The lycanthrope male bristled, which intrigued my virus. However, as I had my fair share of street smarts, I recognized that he viewed me as a defenseless female. Of course, most lycanthrope males tended to forget a lycanthrope female did not need some man protecting her. “I had a great time. It was a new experience, and I think that all attorneys, law enforcement, and judicial employees should do at least three weeks in the slammer to have a better and fuller understanding of the system. I learned a lot.” I leaned forward, took off my shoe, and showed off my wrapped toe. “I thought the lycanthropy virus would heal broken toes right away, but I’ve had the tape on for a week, and the swelling is just starting to go down.”

“How did you break your toe, anyway?” Judge McMurphy asked. “I saw in your file you had gotten into a dispute with several other prisoners, but there was no record on how you managed to break your toe. The bruised knuckles did not need explanation.”

“Well, when a boy likes a girl and the girl does not like the boy, things sometimes get violent. As I did not want that scum sucker’s blood anywhere near me, I decided to shove the entirety of my foot halfway down his throat. I used sufficient force that I happened to break a toe.”

“While wearing shoes?” the judge blurted.

To my amusement, both attorneys grinned.

I assumed they’d gotten access to the files and had already asked their questions about my injury, liking what they had learned.