Page 66 of Up in Smoke

“What if I find something interesting?”

“Scream in a way that does not indicate panic.”

I snorted at that. “But what if I don’t want to scream?”

“Walk over and swoon dramatically? I’ll enjoy catching you.”

“Why would I swoon?”

Sandro shrugged. “I’d enjoy catching you. Your ears droop when you’re particularly sleepy, and I bet they’ll droop when you swoon, so frankly, I’m interested in catching you when you swoon.”

I’d seen many crazy things in my life, but Sandro talking about my ears drooping took the cake. “Did you hit your head?”

Sandro sighed. “No, but I’m damned tired of finding bodies that are likely the responsibility of that shithead in Asylum. I’d say cut me some slack, but I’m sure you’d find some way to make me regret it.”

Ah. I understood. The stress had gotten to him. Once upon a time, the stress of bodies had gotten to me, too, but I’d seen so many over the years that I’d grown resigned to them. “Just don’t fall into the hole. Once we check the perimeter, we’ll decide if it’s safe to go down—or if there’s any hope for survivors. Ideally, I’ll find something in the debris that gives us a better idea if there are survivors. I’m not sure we’re going to be able to get them out if there are.”

“I can get them out, but you won’t like what’s involved with the process.”

“Explain,” I demanded.

“Essentially, I’ll create a twister that will pick up the debris I want and remove it. The eye of the twister will be fairly still and quiet, and I have a refined enough control over the zone where you could be standing nearby and I could rip your clothes off without hurting you. And no, I will not demonstrate that here. Perhaps the next time we travel and you have extra clothes.”

“You can rip my clothes off with a poem-made tornado without hurting me?” I blurted.

“It’s all about intent with poetry, so yes. If I need to do this, though, I’d send you a safe distance just to be safe. With this sort of magic, if something goes wrong, it tends to go really wrong.”

“What do you mean by really wrong?”

“While I’d be safe enough, I could end up summoning a swarm of twisters like Tulsa has been facing. Then I’d end up trapped in a pocket of rubble and pissed over it, then I’d have to rest for a day or two and bust out with more poetry. That’s basically the worst-case scenario on this one. I have a very healthy desire to live.”

I had a healthy desire for him to live, too. “Wouldn’t it just be better to try it, then?”

Sandro sighed. “That depends.”

“On what?”

“It depends on how good of a liar you are.”

The more Sandro said, the more concerned I became, and my fox sided with me. She wanted me to drag him home and keep him quiet and contained in bed. While I agreed with her, I also wanted to swat her with a rolled-up newspaper until she relaxed for a few minutes and stopped attempting to concoct ways to get the man out of his clothes. “Explain, please.”

“It could take a day or two for me to clear out this place. It wouldn’t be safe for you here, and people expect us in Asylum. You’d have to venture back to Asylum without me, tell some lies about scavenging something in the wrong direction, and make sure nobody comes looking for us until then. And if we do find survivors, we need to get them out of here. We’re on a time limit that would make that a bit of a problem, so we’d need to concoct even more lies. Now, I do have email access, so I can cite a family emergency, and as my wife, you’d follow me back to the South, which is the closest access from here. That might work, especially if I delay in Asylum for a day to make better plans for his reinforcements. I could also inquire if we have supplies for some horses to get us back here faster; he does have a stable in Asylum, although there aren’t any animals there right now.” Sandro frowned. “It might not take that long, but what if we find survivors? That’s the problem. Those survivors cannot be seen in Tulsa.”

Damn it. I hated he was right, especially about what we’d do with any survivors if we found any. “Could they stay here until we’re finished in Asylum enough to prevent suspicion? If we make it habitable and provide a way for them to escape?”

“That’s possible—and might be our only option. But realistically, if there are survivors, they’re in that one building, and there won’t be many of them. We might be able to hide them in a cellar closer to Tulsa until we have an opportunity to get them out. If they want to get out. They might not want to, Jade. That’s a possibility you’ll have to be prepared for. It depends on if Mansfield brainwashed them or not.” Sandro resumed crouching, staring down into the crater. “It would be more efficient to just do this now. Tell me, Jade. How good are you at lying?”

“I don’t know. I do it when I need to. I’d rather not.”

“I’m going to give you the other key to the house, send you on home, and have you do a nice little rant about how I’m an egotistical, annoying man, and how dare I send you home so I can acquire a proper present for you. I will take that little jewelry box you found, put it in my bag, and bring it back when I’m done here. If I find anyone alive, I’ll take them to a safe cellar, then I’ll return to Asylum. I expect two to three days, and you can spend the time cursing about me. Just remember it’s probable there will be bugs working in the house until I’m home, so you have to watch your every word carefully. Once I return, I’ll recite you a pretty poem to comfort you, my angry and concerned wife. I’ll even find some sickly sweet love poem that will give anyone listening in a really nasty surprise, especially the next time they go to set bugs.”

My tail twitched. “What sort of nasty surprise?”

“I think I’ll drench them with literal honey to punish them for listening in on my honeyed words to you.”

I shrugged off my pack, retrieved the jewelry box, and handed it over. “Set out some jars so we can collect any excess honey that might happen to fall into them. It seems a shame to waste perfectly good honey.”

“I’m sure I can handle that request. Mansfield’s bugs are usually in easily accessible locations, so I can put a jar or two down.”