Page 36 of Up in Smoke

“You, too. I’ll see you tonight, then.” Sandro gestured for me to come up onto his porch and head inside, which I did. “Don’t leave the entry,” he whispered.

I got out of the way enough he could bring the wagon inside and shut the door, watching him through narrowed eyes.

Then, continuing to whisper, Sandro recited a poem by Edgar Allen Poe. The Raven had always been a favorite of mine growing up, intriguing in its darkness and complexity. I had no idea what he intended with his poem, but I listened, marveling he’d been able to memorize the entire thing. Once finished, I heard several pops.

“What was that?”

“I just made certain that all those bugs that Mansfield installed while I was gone would only record a faint replaying of Beethoven’s music, all of it from his first to his last, into eternity or they decide to replace them—and should they replace them, they will explode.”

“That sounded all nice and pleasant until the explode part,” I said, unable to contain my laughter. “Pleasant, good music, plus explosions when people mess with someone else’s home. Sounds like a good idea to me.”

“I’m pretty sure Mansfield wants to confirm my magic is intact. I do like making his bugs create these cute little pops when they detonate. They’ll just be a little more forceful this time. Oh, I didn’t mention what they’ll explode with.”

“Aren’t explosions fire?”

“Oh, no. I don’t want to burn down my own home. That would be foolish, Jade.”

Right. It would be. “What will it explode with, then?”

“Glue and glitter, my dear wife. Glue and glitter.”

My eyes widened. “Okay, that is evil, I love it, and you have nothing else to prove. You can marry me now.”

Sandro laughed. “I appreciate that. And I’m sorry I must play that game and call you my wife here despite knowing full well you have a say in the timing of our relationship. It protects us both.”

“I’d figured that much, and I don’t mind. If you get to call me your wife, I get to call you my husband, and you know my fox. She’s possessive, and she likes you. She’s happy with this.”

“Ah, but are you?”

“I will be until we run out of condoms, and then I will be very unhappy.”

“I have at least a hundred condoms in my pack, Jade. I think we’ll be all right for a while.”

“But what if we’re not?” I had gotten a lot more than a hundred condoms crammed into my bags, although I’d let him discover that for himself later. “Obviously, the solution to this problem is to finish here so we can return to the land of endless condoms.”

Sandro chuckled. “Does it say anything bad about me that I’m delighted you’re determined to have children one day and want to avoid the options that might result in infertility?”

“No, it just means you have acknowledged my ears and tail are perfection, and that the idea of having a bunch of little fox children really is the best idea, especially when they get to have your parents for grandparents. Mine are not allowed into the equation. I’m banning them.”

“I see you are smitten with my parents.”

“I really am. Your dad cooks.”

“So do I, Jade. You’ve had my salsa.”

I drooled at the mention of his salsa. “You both cook. Do you know what that means?”

“I can make some guesses, but I want to hear what you say.”

“I am the luckiest vixen. I can make you both feed me.”

Sandro laughed. “Let’s go see what sort of canned goods you had in your cellar. If we have the right stuff, I’ll make you salsa tonight.”

“Some people might call me crazy for this, but being an uncontested courtesan is really working out for me.”

“It really is. Now, if only all courtesans were as fortunate as you.”

I nodded at that, and I allowed myself to turn my ears back. “And that will be why when it’s our turn to rule the Morettis, we will bring that practice crashing to the ground, where it will burn.”

“I look forward to seeing what you do,” Sandro replied, dragging my wagon into the sitting room. “But for today, let’s take stock of our home and wait to see what Mansfield has to say tonight.”

“That sounds like a good plan to me.”