Page 5 of Catnapped

“Yes,” the Devil agreed. “Perhaps too well.”

Claudine grumbled. “Would you stop that?”

“No. She’s far too entertaining. Do continue. I’ll try to mitigate my interruptions to the bare necessities.”

The woman huffed. “I do try to stay on my meds. Mostly, Raguel shoves them at me and stands around until I take them. Last time I was off them, I wandered all the way to Bermuda before these louts caught up with me. I get distracted by bright, shiny objects. I had never been to Bermuda before, so I just kinda wandered out of the house and went to Bermuda.”

I needed to be a little less responsible one day, after my cat was safely recovered, and wander out of the house to some foreign land.

That sounded like the right type of excitement for me.

Belial sighed and straightened his blue tie, which contrasted against the black of his suit and shirt. “Diana, I am impressed you don’t doubt Lucifer’s claim. Most do.”

“Lying is too much work when he’s already on track to get the bargain he wants, so he’s better off remaining honest, as he knows lying to me over something like that will just piss me off. I’m in no mood for his stupid little games. I’ll just call Darlene and have her take over the show. He knows I’ll do just that, so he’s acting in his interest. Now, here’s the deal. Some fucker busted my place up and stole my cat. I want my cat back, and while I won’t bargain away my soul, everything else is up for debate, but if someone suggests I bargain off my body, you better make it worth my while.”

The archangel laughed, stretched his wings, and rolled his shoulders, something I always found to be disconcerting. The lack of a head did me in every damned time, and that was even with the general understanding of why angels shrouded their true visages from mortal eyes. He said, “You are surprisingly well educated for a human. Where did you learn of the shroud?”

“A book.” Of course, the book I’d been poking my nose in fell into the forbidden text category, but I hadn’t spent years learning how to read several dead languages to not use my knowledge when an opportunity presented itself.

Raguel circled me, and he tucked his white wings, which were banded with shimmering silver, close to his back. “Is this your doing, Lucifer?”

“Oh, no. I would never do anything as unscrupulous as to teach some mere mortal forbidden lore. Come on, Raguel. I have a little more class than that. It’s more fun to drop hints about where the forbidden lore is at and have them get themselves in trouble all on their own. In this case, I had nothing to do with her acquisition of the book or her ability to read it. She was bored. I’ve learned there is nothing more dangerous than permitting Diana to become bored. The CDC has learned this, as they keep her busy for as many hours of the day as possible. I’m trying to convince her she could become a devilish general of my army.”

“No,” the archangel replied.

“Well, that’s rude. She’d make a fantastic devilish general.”

“The answer is still no.”

I observed the pair with interest. “Are they always like this, Belial?”

Belial shrugged, and his expression turned thoughtful. “Of Lucifer’s angelic siblings, Raguel has the most robust understanding of his role in the many hells, and he is supportive in his own way. Raguel would prefer if his brother finished being rebellious and went home, but that would leave an unfortunate gap in the power structure. Lucifer will not leave Darlene, so the heavens would be taken over by a rather troublesome feline.”

“You’re stuck ruling hell, Lucifer,” I informed the Devil. “But perhaps we should set up some familial visitations, as it seems you benefit from exposure to your angelic family. I obviously need an excuse to call you every single day until my cat is found. Alive and well, mind you. I would be satisfied with sufficient clues to help me locate the culprit, as it does not seem I will be getting any real assistance from the police.”

“No, you won’t. Enough for insurance purposes,” the Devil replied, shaking his head. “But they have no interest in learning the fate of an unwanted cat.”

“He is not unwanted.”

“He is unwanted by anyone other than you.”

The Devil’s words hurt, and I considered popping him in the nose for daring to wield the truth like a weapon. I pointed at the unnamed tall, dark, and handsome son of the triad destined to turn my life upside down. “How does he help me find my cat?”

“He’s a wayfinder,” he replied. “His specific bag of tricks isn’t often useful, but he has the ability, and while he can’t locate living things, he can lead you to the clues you need to find your cat. If you enter another bargain with me, I can take some steps to safeguard your cat’s life.”

Every bargain with the Devil came with consequences, and I turned to the one being in my house who could help me negotiate without paying too steep a price for what was on offer. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t enter this bargain with your brother, Raguel?”

The archangel’s laughter reminded me of chimes dancing in the wind. “However strong your affection is for your pet, who has seen much hardship in his life, he is but a small, fragile beast in the grand scheme of things. Such a bargain would be a small thing for my brother. Part of the price would be understanding my brother would know of your pet’s fate and would be unable to speak of it to you, but he can persuade those who have him to do no harm to the animal upon striking the bargain. It is a door you can open if you wish. Your soul will not be in peril.”

I eyed the Devil with interest. “What is so special about me or my cat that you would enter such a bargain with me?”

The Devil’s dark smile chilled me even more than the moment I’d realized someone had stolen Mr. Flooferson. “Much like my little cupcake, you’re the kind of woman who changes the world when properly motivated. For her, it took the right man at the right time. Don’t tell her this, but I’m quite fond of her man. He suits her, much like my darling suits me. You’re an odd one, as you’ll change the world for a cat, but you were always an odd one. It would be foolish to expect you to change.”

“Well, he’s my cat. That’s reason enough for me.”

“Belial? Try to convince your boy he needs to keep Diana from taking anything over. The instant she decides something is hers, that’s it. You may also want to keep a close eye on your boy. If she decides she’s taking him home with her, that’s it. He’ll be lost. You’ll be out a kid, and then your wife will get upset, and then you’ll have to have another child.”

Belial regarded his son with narrowed eyes. “I never liked this one all that much anyway. You live here now, boy. Be gone with you. You may visit at the appropriate holidays to appease your other father and your mother.”