Page 19 of Catnapped

Darlene winked at me. “Give it a few months, and you’ll be just as crazy as we are.”

“Heaven help me.”

The Devil grinned. “Watch what you wish for, Diana. You might get it.”

Six

The Lord of Lies often used honesty as his weapon of choice.

While I possessed vague memories of an archangel coming to the hotel room and conferring with the Devil and his wife, someone had pulled the plug before I reached the holy fire portion of my evening. My phone’s alarm going off to warn me I needed to go to work clued me in I’d somehow gone to bed. A rather persistent and uncomfortable pressure and ache in my chest reinforced someone had done something to me. The Devil, assuming he’d spoken the truth.

The Lord of Lies often used honesty as his weapon of choice, but he spoke falsehoods when it served him. Without my memories of the night before, I’d have to trust in his word—or not—as I saw fit.

I grumbled curses, winced, and rolled for my phone, colliding with a rather warm and male body.

Right. Darian.

Between my phone and being jostled, he woke up with a startled cry, launched out of bed, tripped over the bedding, and crashed to the floor. Grimacing, I sat up, stretched for the nightstand, and tapped the button to silence the damned thing. “It’s only partially my fault you were moved from the couch to the bed, but really, Darian. Sleeping on the couch is bad for your back, and there’s no reason to let half a good bed go to waste.”

He groaned from the general vicinity of the floor. “Are you a demoness?”

“Not yet at any rate, but that’s up for potential debate. I’m sore, that’s what I am.” Putting on a bra would test my patience, and upon peeking into my top, I discovered someone had performed an act of bondage on my poor breasts using self-adhesive bandages.

Interesting. I prodded at one of the more tender spots, which was located near my arm pit. The burst of pain indicated a wise woman did not poke, prod, or otherwise touch the tender bits until further notice.

“Ah. The Devil had started cursing and mentioned you had a health problem he wanted to address immediately. Then he laughed at me, told me the same, and I got my ass handed to me.” Darian got to his knees and rested his elbows on the bed near my feet. “If you’re sore, tell me what you need handled, what your limitations are as you figure them out, and I’ll take care of what I can. Lucifer had mentioned early cancer, and that’s nothing to joke about.”

The Devil might be the death of me one day if I kept letting him interfere in my affairs. Worse, I needed to put up with it, as the mundane treatments for cancer would be far worse. I could handle showing gratitude to Lucifer. I’d promised to listen to his job offer. I’d give it serious consideration, too.

I nodded. “It’s nothing some coffee can’t conquer.” Even if the coffee didn’t conquer it, I would pretend, as I had no time to sit around and complain about being in pain. “How are you feeling? You had some troubles, too, or so I heard.”

“I got a scolding to go along with a kick in the ass. Since I know what’s good for me, I’m not going to complain over any lingering aches and pains, nor will I breathe a word of this to any of my parents, who will not take any form of ailment I might suffer from with even a scrap of dignity.” Darian lurched to his feet. “I deserve a little pain and suffering for my idiocy, and we’ll leave it at that. I consider myself to be educated on the error of my ways. What would you like for breakfast? I’ll order something for us.”

Someone knocked at the door, and Darian’s eyes narrowed.

“Darlene was involved with this. There’s probably enough breakfasts for five people at the door now, and she’ll expect us to eat it all. Darlene gets upset when hungry—and she gets even more upset when she thinks others are hungry.”

Darian grunted and headed into the other room. A moment later, he yelped. “Damn it, Lucifer!”

Some things couldn’t be missed, and I ignored my aches and pains to get a good view of the show in the sitting room. Darian faced off against the Devil, his body tense, his back straight, and his arms crossed over his chest. Darlene waved from her spot by the door beside two carts loaded with plates.

“We brought you breakfast.” Darlene grabbed one of the platters, took it to the coffee table, and pointed at me before pointing at the couch and snapping her fingers until I obeyed. “You need to eat, and you need to eat a lot. You need to eat a lot. You, stubborn thing you are, put up a fight. I swear, you’re just a delight, and it disgusts me I have to side with my husband on this. You’re almost as good at giving him a run for his money as I am. Also, don’t panic that you can’t remember it. His brother wanted to spare you the trauma, and when his brother gets fidgety about something like that, it’s best to just give him what he wants. You are only missing a bunch of cursing, screaming, and threatening to rip my husband’s dick off and feed it to him if he didn’t stop trying to incinerate your breasts. I shouldn’t have laughed at your suffering, but once you decided you’d had enough, your curses and threats got vicious.”

Well, I didn’t regret missing the screaming and cursing portion of my night, but as making such a statement fell outside of my normal behaviors, curiosity ate away at me. “Did I actually do that?”

“You actually did that,” she confirmed. “Lucy even asked his brother to protect him out of fear for his life. Or his prowess. More for his prowess, really. He’s a vain creature.”

“I’m pretty sure any man would be concerned in that situation,” I replied, grimacing at the thought of having been that vehement. “I apologize, Lucifer.”

“No need to apologize. Sit down and have your breakfast. Anyway, I am who I am, and I find that thing to be quite attractive. I took my frustrations out on Darlene later, so don’t you worry yourself any.”

With a sly smile, the succubus ferried more platters to the coffee table. “Thank you, I had a wonderful time, in case you were wondering.”

“Not particularly, but you’re welcome. I’m glad one of us had a wonderful time.” I pointed at my chest, which still hurt. “What’s the deal with the bandages?”

“My wife demanded ‘we keep them from bouncing’ while healing, thus converting you into a mummy. Bouncing would not be good right now,” the Devil replied, taking a seat on the arm of the couch near me. “Bouncing would really not be good right now, and not a single one of those lacy bras you brought will do a sufficient job of breast bondage, so you got bandages. You are to leave them on for three days. Shower or bathe without removing them. My brother is a far kinder being than I am, so they’ll stay clean until it’s time for them to come off.”

I appreciated that. “Thank you. Please thank your brother for me, too. Just don’t tell me which brother. It’s bad enough I run a high risk of encountering Raguel. I’ve reached my limit of divines for the week. Introduce me to more divines next week.”