Page 15 of Catnapped

The Devil chuckled, and I couldn’t tell if he laughed at me or Darian—or at both of us. I suspected both of us. “I’m sure your fathers will keep your mother appropriately distracted. I’ll send somebody over to meddle with your mother when your fathers aren’t looking to make sure you get the result you want, but you’ll have to sit in on the life advice session with Diana. Also, you can thank your dad for your future brother or sister later, as he finds fatherhood much to his liking for some reason. Somehow, I got yet another damned defective devil running around my hells, as that’s what he’s become.” The Devil sighed, held out his hand, and snapped his fingers. A leopard print suitcase appeared. “My wife enjoys reminding me she has spots, so she insists we should purchase spotted things. To torment me with constant reminders they aren’t her spots. You are under no obligation to give this back. Darlene insists on buying a new one every time she goes out and one catches her eye. I’ve given up asking why.”

I heaved a sigh and grabbed the handle of the suitcase. “Thank you.” I dragged it to the pile of dead clothes, opened it up, and eyed the survivors. “Pick your favorite color, Darian.”

“Blue.”

Well, he was in luck. The thieves hadn’t destroyed most of my blue lingerie, and I grabbed it off the bed and tossed it in the suitcase. As my work clothes tended to blend together, I went the route of efficiency, snatched enough for a few days, and chucked it in with the lingerie. After a desperate search through my closet for surviving shoes, I found an intact pair of black heels and a pair of flats to tide me over until I could get to a clothing store to purchase more. I tossed them into the suitcase. “All right. You can fill the rest of it with whatever you want. I’m ready to go.”

Both the Devil and Darian stared at me as though I’d lost my mind. Then again, I probably had. Before someone had stolen Mr. Flooferson the Magnificent, I’d been fairly stable. Now, I counted as a crazy cat lady, and I’d tear apart the heavens and the Devil’s many hells to get him back. “What?”

“Wouldn’t you prefer if you picked your own clothes?” Darian asked. “You’re the one who has to wear them.”

“No. If I preferred to, I would have. I had you pick a color so I wouldn’t have to decide. The sooner this is done, the sooner we get to this hotel and start looking for information about my cat. Better yet, we’ll be looking for my cat.”

With a shrug, the tall, dark, and handsome son of a triad grabbed the remainder of my panties and bras and dumped them into the suitcase. “I regret to inform you that your pajamas were among the casualties, but hopefully these will suffice.”

“I can go buy new pajamas.”

“But why?”

I grinned at his tone, which strayed between disappointed and curious. “Well, you’re the one who said you wanted to start your adventures with women using a succubus. As such, I need pajamas.” And birth control, and however long it took for the birth control to start doing its job. After that, I’d need to actually get to know Darian, see if he was worth sleeping with, determine if I had time to actually sleep with him, and otherwise explore the uncharted waters of having a relationship with someone outside of work.

Damn. I needed more help than even the Devil could provide.

“Or a single trip to a brothel,” Lucifer stated.

I aimed a kick at his shins, but the bastard dodged me while laughing. “You are pure evil.”

“Thank you. I do appreciate when my work is noticed and appreciated. To address your other thoughts, that can be arranged for immediately, and yes, at some point in the future, you will have time, but you won’t have time until you’re satisfied on other fronts, which you’ve already considered, accepted, and plan to address.”

Huh. “Since when are you actually useful without driving a bargain over it?”

“I already have you for an hour and forty minutes of life advice. At that stage, I figure I may as well balance things a little in your favor. You really are getting the short end of that stick. I know me. I’m an asshole. I’m just one of many assholes in my family, and I have dedicated thousands of years of my life to mastering my craft.”

Arguing or questioning the Devil would only waste time. “Okay. Now that the cops are finished here, where are we going now?”

“We’re going to California,” the Devil announced.

“California? They shipped my cat from California to Florida before putting him up for adoption? Honestly, I skimmed the part about the lab where he came from. It didn’t matter to me.” I frowned. “That’s a great deal of expense. Pet transport can’t be cheap.”

“The shelter you adopted him from volunteered as an overflow. The lab had so many animals they couldn’t all be cared for in California, so they shipped cats and dogs wherever they had space. More information on this will cost you twenty minutes.”

“Give it to me,” I ordered.

“Bargain made. Have Darian use his magic to find the drug testing facility used on Mr. Flooferson the Magnificent, using fur from his brush as the focal point. Look for information on the animal shippers they used for the labs. That may also provide you with information. But the drug testing facility with your cat’s fur as the focal point will get you to the right part of the lab. I recommend you do a cage count, and then look into similar pet thefts and determine why someone would want your cat. Darian can’t direct you to your cat, but if you pretend you’re a detective out to solve a crime, you’ll learn important things. While the lab has been shut down, much of it is intact.”

Finding tufts of my cat’s fur took me all of ten seconds, as he tended to leave it everywhere. I set my briefcase on my bed and shoved the fur into one of the inner pockets. “I know nothing of being a detective, Lucifer. I’m a secretary.”

The Devil smiled. “You don’t right now, but your tall, dark, and handsome here does. Darian, is there anything you need from your home? I have a few succubi and incubi who must pay back some favors, so I will have them teleport in with what you need.”

“Apparently, I’m going to need my good laptop, my briefcase, my notepads, my pens, and appropriate attire for this venture. Since I’m being signed up for putting up with you for at least two hours now, add anything to the list you’ll think I need but I don’t know I’ll need.”

“Clever boy.” The Devil held out his hand with his palm turned up. “I am not as gentle with teleportation as my brothers. It would cost you more time and money than you like to get there in traditional fashions, so I’m sure you’ll forgive me in a few hours. Darian, she will not handle teleportation well, so you can decide how to handle it. Me? I’d let her hit the floor, but the only women I tend to catch when they fall include my wife and daughter. The rest of them can learn not to fall the hard way.”

“Darlene lets you do that?”

“Let is such a strong word. She struggles so delightfully, which is half the fun. And don’t ask what my cupcake does. It’s simply not suitable for polite company.”

“You’re polite company?”