Page 61 of License to Kill

Shit. Acknowledging me wouldn’t help me drive him off. “I hate your parents.”

“I know.”

Double shit. Fine. If he wanted to play hardball, I’d play hardball. “I hate wolves.”

“I know.”

Damn it all to hell. He wasn’t helping. At all. “Knowing that, why are you still here?”

“I need you.”

Why did Jake always break down my walls? Every time I thought I could stand up against him, he found the one crack in my defenses and brought everything crumbling down. He turned my strengths into my weaknesses. When I surrendered and trusted him, he could turn my weaknesses into my strengths.

How could I have let any one person burrow so deeply beneath my skin?

It hurt.

The difference in our heights made it possible for me to lean my forehead against his chest and beat on him with my fists, too tired to do anything other than silently communicate the anger and frustration I’d carried around for so long. When I gathered my flagging courage, I asked, “Then why did you drive me away?”

I had left of my own free will, giving me half the blame for there no longer being an us. No matter how I looked at it, the story always ended the same way.

I’d left because I’d given everything I had and needed the one thing he couldn’t provide.

I needed a pack, too.

I needed a lot of things, and upon discovery of what I lacked, I’d become obsessed with belonging.

I’d become our downfall as much as him.

“I’m a stupid idiot who put my parents in front of my mate and wife. If you can never trust me with anything else again, trust me with this: I’ve learned my lesson. You will always come first from now on, no matter what. If I have to cut ties to prove it to you, I will.”

I shook my head. The scars inflicted from my ma reminded me each and every day of the price of cut ties. If I had been a better daughter, if I had stayed human, so much would have been different. “You need your pack.”

“I need you more.”

“No.” The thought of forcing him to remain alone like me woke sickening anxiety.

Jake pushed me away and cupped my face in his hands, leaning down so he could be eye-level with me. “Karma, calm down. It’s all right. Take a deep breath.”

I tried to shake my head, but he held me still with a firm but gentle touch. “You can’t leave your pack.”

“There’s an alternative. Several, actually.”

Tensing, I backed to the door. He pursued me, planting his hands to the wood on both sides of my head, still bent so he could look me in the eyes. I whispered, “What alternatives?”

“We pick a place to live and petition to join a pack. If the Alphas don’t agree to take us both, we move on until we find a pack who will. West coast packs have humans and witches in their packs. They’ll take a fox. That’s our first option.”

I wanted it so much it hurt, and I doubted my heart could withstand another disappointment. I fought my tears, refusing to harbor hope I might get what I needed and rediscover what it meant to be truly wanted by those around me. Amelia had promised such things, too, but our plans had changed. She’d been caught up in her dream of having a pack, and I’d been tossed to the wolves.

I couldn’t blame her—and wouldn’t. “And option two?”

“We fight for dominance and the winner takes all. If I win, I bring you into the pack. You’ll have to put up with my parents, and they’ll have to put up with you. It’ll inevitably piss them off, and I’m certain they’ll put me into the doghouse until I die of old age, but you’ll be in the pack where you belong. That’s a fight I’m willing to deal with, as long as you all are fighting within the pack. And if they kick us out, well, we’ll go together, and that’s that.”

If only life could be so simple. “And if you lose?”

“I wasn’t intending on losing.”

His answer didn’t surprise me in the slightest. Jake remained Jake, although I’d long lost sight of who I was. The new me, tired and worn, couldn’t keep up with the asshole even if I tried, and I found it difficult to try at all.