Page 66 of Murder Mittens

While Sebastian put my new presents in safe keeping, I wiggled deeper under the vehicle to reach the final two padlocks. When the chains finally fell away, sugar and confetti rained down on me along with several more boxes. “I see a bunch of dead cats!” I yowled. “You will all perish for this, you evil, wicked felines. Sebastian, kill them all.”

“No,” Sebastian replied, and he crouched nearby. “Your car gave you more presents. Hand them over. One of your brothers informed me there should be seven in total from that batch.”

I groped through the sea of sugar and confetti for the boxes, and after a few minutes, I located all seven, and I passed them to the lion. “There’s wrapping paper under the cloth thing.”

“That’s a canvas car tarp, meant to protect your vehicle’s paint when it’s parked and not in use, especially if you happen to park beneath a rowdy tree.”

“Those damned trees, turning their sexual exploits into public events.” I tore at the wrapping paper to expose the undercarriage of my new baby. “There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I see car parts!”

“How fancy. Let me go put your presents somewhere safe. They’re probably expecting you to open these after you finish purring over your car. Try not to get into trouble without me.”

I liked he wanted to get into trouble with me, and I crawled around the car, freeing it from its paper prison. Once certain there were no more surprises underneath the vehicle, I escaped to discover three of my older brothers, the entirety of the first litter, had come to pay me a visit. One of them held a bucket.

“What’s that?” I demanded.

“Water, which I intend to fling all over you should you stop purring for our enjoyment upon revealing your present.” As they were triplets and had bothered to coordinate their clothing, I had zero chance of identifying if I spoke to Alan, Alex, or Andrew.

I scowled at my eldest brothers. “That’s coercion!”

“We need to hear your purrs.”

For fuck’s sake. “What is it with you? You don’t need to. That’s ridiculous. And anyway, you heard me purr earlier! And I purred for at least thirty minutes while I worked on the first layer of the car trap.”

“We need to hear you purr,” my brothers chorused.

“I can’t just purr on demand.”

Sebastian laughed from the porch and returned. “You do for me, Harri.”

Damn it. “I purr under very specific conditions. Anticipation on seeing my new car is one of those conditions, although I’m reserving my purrs for once I actually get this stuff off without damaging the paint. A certain lion roaring might result in a purr.”

“Would you like me to roar for you, my little lynx?”

“As I don’t want to get a bucket of water thrown all over me so I become wet and sticky, yes.”

The lion frowned and narrowed his eyes. “I’m not sure which side I’m supposed to be on right now. There are a lot of benefits to you being wet and sticky.”

Damn. My lion was a pervert. “I might catch a cold if I get wet.” Lycanthropes rarely got colds, but I had a track record of getting them, although I usually flirted with illness at the end of my mating season. I blamed my inability to hunt men. Would Sebastian put an end to my yearly colds? I hoped so. And if he didn’t, I bet he’d bring me soup so I wouldn’t have to do it myself. “I get one or two every year, and it sucks. You don’t want to deal with that.”

Sebastian looked me over head to toe before he turned to my brothers. “Use a hose. A bucket might not get the job done sufficiently. If she catches a cold, I get to call in and work from home to care for my little lynx, as nobody wants to deal with a moody lion upset he can’t take care of his little lynx at home.”

Traitors surrounded me, although the one roared nicely. “You are such a lion.”

“I am. I really am.”

With a smile and a shrug, my traitor brother shrugged and tossed the bucket my way, hitting me in the face with it. I sighed and took it, spluttering and spitting water out. “Thanks, asshole. I don’t even know which asshole you are, but the entirety of the first litter falls for this, as you bastards are the first litter.”

The asshole with the bucket snickered. “I am Alan, the eldest ruler of the Wells litters, and you will get the hose if you fail to purr for us. One day, you might remember which one I am. One day.”

“You already gave me the bucket. I do not need the hose. And anyway, how am I supposed to tell you three apart? You’re identical triplets. Identical triples. At least I knew which litter you’re from. That’s good for me.”

“Your lion wants to take care of you, and it seemed wrong to deny him of such an opportunity. And anyway, you don’t get catch your colds until the end of your mating season. During it, you’re just a hormonal tyrant. Had we known how serious your lion was about taking you home with him, we would have bought him some presents to show our gratitude.”

My face flushed. “Damn it, Alan.”

“What? It’s only fair to warn him what he’s getting into. He’s not a lynx, but he dresses well. Uncle Henry confirmed he makes his own suits, so basically, he’s perfect for you, and we can’t argue against perfection.”

I eyed my lion. “My brothers seem to have developed a crush on you. What were you doing in the house? How did you seduce them all into adoring you? What dark magic have you been doing to my family?”