Page 4 of Murder Mittens

In the wee hours of the morning, twenty minutes after I’d started tidying my home and packing my bags for the week, my cell rang. I checked the device to discover my father’s number. Drawing a deep, steadying breath, I answered, “Hi, Daddy.”

Calling him my daddy calmed him and his damned, overprotective virus—and tricked him into believing there wasn’t anything amiss. With how my life tended to go, if he’d rubbed his damned brain cells together with even a hint of vigor, he’d see through my bullshit.

My daddy was an idiot sometimes, but I loved him anyway.

“How is my little kitten this morning? I hope I didn’t wake you, but I wanted to catch you before you leave for your trip.”

“Pretty good,” I lied, grateful my father couldn’t sniff out the truth over the phone. “The boss is happy with me because I performed well on the phones today. I got an extra unpaid day tacked onto my vacation, too, so I’ll be out of town a little longer than planned. Please don’t panic while I’m enjoying my stay out of town.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, and I’ll make sure all of your brothers are aware. Will you be visiting us before you head off to your resort?”

I’d given myself two days to get to my destination, which I intended to use on scouting, as I had three good targets not far from the resort deep in the heart of Cincinnati, Ohio. “I could be talked into visiting, I suppose. Delaying for a few hours won’t change my drive much.”

“Your brothers have been whining.”

“Which ones? There are a lot of whiners in the family, Dad. Some days, you happen to be one of them.”

“Pretty much all of them. I’m definitely one of the whiners, and I’ll be very happy if my little kitten comes home for a visit. It’s been over a month.”

For fuck’s sake. In my planning, I hadn’t anticipated my entire family melting down because I dared to take a week off to go to a luxury spa—on my family’s dime, as a customer service representative couldn’t afford a stay at a resort or spa, let alone a luxury one. My father, through careful conning of my herd of brothers, had made them all contribute to my vacation, thus resulting in me staying somewhere nice rather than my initial plan to stay out on the streets while a lynx when I wasn’t doing my work. My stay at the resort pleased them—and gave me a good cover for being in Cincinnati for so long. “Which one hasn’t been whining? Put that one on the phone, please.”

“I suppose Jace has been whining the least. Hold on.” My father drew in a breath, and I held my cell away from my ear while he screeched for my younger brother. While I waited for the yowling to quiet, I checked my list of brothers.

Ah, right. Jace counted as the clan’s keeper of the peace, as nobody was brave enough to piss off the attorney who enjoyed making certain hardened criminals remained behind bars. Of my brothers, Jace would freak the most if he discovered his little kitten of a sister killed people for a living. It didn’t matter I’d been born three years before him. As the only girl of the lot, I would forever be the little kitten of the family.

Mom and Dad needed to have a litter with at least one girl so I wouldn’t be stuck as the little kitten forever.

The yowling stopped, and I returned the phone to my ear.

“Hey, Harri,” my brother greeted. “Looking forward to your vacation?”

“Yes, I am. For the record, I will resent if anyone prevents me from going on vacation.”

I needed an escape from customer service. I needed the money to fix my face. Another bad call at work would break me if I didn’t get out of town for a while. The first kill bounty I got my grubby paws on would be performed mercifully but with excessive force.

My virus needed an outlet before I went mad. After I had the scars removed, I’d worry about my other problems, which involved men. My virus wanted to open hunting season. If my virus had its way, the first poor bastard to turn my head would be stuck with me permanently.

If my brothers and father had their way, I would die a virgin.

If I ever got around to finding a mate, the battle between him and my family would be worth televising as a pay-per-view event. The poor man would need therapy upon learning how many brothers I had, who were all determined to keep me as safe as possible.

I didn’t make things easy on them.

Jace made a thoughtful sound in his throat. “We’re concerned.”

“About what? The hot tub rising up to get me? I’m going to a spa, not a cage match. I swear, can’t I go to a spa and pamper myself just once without the entire damned clan getting on my case? Okay, so fine. Driving there doesn’t please you worrywarts. Deal with it. And so help me, if one of you twerps talked to Uncle Henry, I’m going to come over there and kick every last one of you in the ass and steal your lunch money.”

“Otis is the one who talked to Uncle Henry,” my brother confessed.

Damn it. I couldn’t beat one of the kittens. Not only were the quintuplets wretchedly adorable, they did a good job of distracting everyone in the family from my general activities, as they redefined trouble whenever there wasn’t an adult keeping them somewhat tame and behaving. “Who conned him into doing it? He’s four. And yes, I’m coming for your lunch money, so you feline assholes better have cash in your wallets when I show up, you hear me? You’ll have between one to two hours before I show up, and I will be mugging you all for your lunch money.”

“Mom did it.”

“Traitor!” my mother screeched in the background.

I sighed. There were worse fates. My mother could have started making calls to one of the other lynx clans trying to sell me off to the highest bidder. Every year, at least one clan came calling, resulting in a cat fight that made the news and amused the neighbors. The neighbors, uninfected humans with heightened levels of curiosity, loved everything about my psychotic family.

They loved cats, one and all. The old man who lived in the little brick house with the white picket fence down the lane had us figured out; catnip and milk would bring everyone except me out, and lynxes high on nip didn’t mind when bold humans petted them.