Page 20 of Murder Mittens

“An unfortunate audience of a ridiculous number of individuals invested in your good health.”

“Welcome to my life. It’s very frustrating, really. And they don’t understand why I might want to remove the scars from my face, as they’re deluded and will consider me beautiful even if I had no nose.”

“You would not be beautiful without a nose.”

“See? I can’t even get mad at you for that. It’s absolutely true. This face without a nose? It’s not pretty. This face without scars? It’s actually almost pretty. I got to see a reconstruction at a recent appointment with a surgeon. They did the bone rebuild to see what I should actually look like. It turns out when you’re not missing a chunk of your cheek, your face looks really different. But I’m almost pretty with a proper face. I’m trying to figure out how your offer is too good to be true. It has to be too good to be true.”

“It’s a dangerous job, you’re their kind of target, and you’re a single female lycanthrope. That puts you at a high-risk during a high-risk job, so you’re being paid accordingly. If he’s not taken out, there will be many more people hurt. That’s why I’ll be accompanying you. If it wasn’t illegal without consent, I’d microchip you.”

“I’ll listen to your pitch to microchip me, but it better be a damned good offer and involve your enslavement. I would get to hold your leash. For every day I’m microchipped, I get to hold your leash.”

“It would be a permanent microchipping.”

My virus perked up at the thought of keeping Sebastian permanently, as she could get to hear him roar daily. “Then I would get to permanently hold your leash. You can sign over your freedom to me at your leisure. Otherwise, you don’t get to microchip me.”

“Damn it, Wells!” While his complaint didn’t count as a roar, my virus purred over his display of annoyance.

A few more jabs might do it. “You’re pretty enough I’d take very good care of you, my new pet lion.”

“You are a menace,” he snarled.

“I’m a delight. You just can’t posture and get me to do what you want, so your male lion ego gets terribly bruised. Usually within five minutes of exposure to me. You know you love me because I’m such a delight.”

For the first time in our relationship, I stunned him into silence.

My virus took her time considering his new reaction to my mouth, and maybe with a jab or two, I’d get a two-for-one special, knocking the furry pervert out, right along with the egotistical male lion.

Sometimes, life treated me well, and I wanted nothing to change.

I pressed the button on the navigation panel, which began instructing me on how to reach the seamstress’s shop, a two-hour drive away with traffic.

Stupid traffic.

“It’s simple, Sebastian. If I let egotistical males drag me down, I would be a pampered princess in an ivory tower, safeguarded by a ridiculous number of moody, overprotective male cats. While there are days I wouldn’t mind being a pampered princess, I’d rather not drown in moody, overprotective males. As I’m a lycanthrope, I might be convinced I should tolerate one overprotective male, but he’d have to be spectacular.” I listened to the navigation system’s directions, muttering curses at the ridiculous amount of traffic for so small an area.

I expected the gridlock in somewhere like Chicago, not in Fargo.

“I have underestimated the amount of suffering you have endured. A single female lycanthrope would find a lone egotistical male cat to be vexing. How many of your brothers are mated?”

“Not enough of them,” I muttered. “It’s my fault. They don’t want to settle down while they have a sister to protect. I might get into trouble.”

“Might?”

“They really aren’t very good at keeping me out of trouble. It’s true. I almost feel sorry for them, really. They make me check in. They’re convinced my face will drive me to doing unacceptable things.”

“You mean like working as a bounty hunter to pay for your operation?”

“Exactly. Unacceptable things like that. It’s ridiculous. Why can’t I be a bounty hunter if I want?”

“It’s dangerous.”

“And? It’s good work. I’m usually paid well for it.”

“You earned your way up like everyone else, which is why you’re paid decently for it.”

“I work in customer service as my day job, Sebastian,” I reminded him. “It pays well compared to that.”

The lion frowned, staring out the window. “You take unnecessary risks because you’re not paid well enough at your day job?”