Page 87 of The Flame Game

“I wouldn’t call it hate. I call it correcting some unfortunate past events barring you from having entire flocks of children. Upon my close and careful evaluation of the situation, I have decided you want entire flocks of children. I recommend adopting a few to help boost your flock numbers. Adoption is great. I managed to convince Quinn we really needed to adopt a young gorgon lady yesterday. Her name is Annie, and she’s coming home with us because she is too old to go back to her father’s hive, so we’re going to keep her until she’s placed with an appropriately nice gorgon gentleman.”

“Seriously, Bailey? Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Goodness gracious. I took you on a single road trip, and you evolved into a terrifying demoness capable of taking over the world. I am so proud of you. You hoodwinked me!”

“I think my gorgon-incubus doohickey did the majority of the hoodwinking. I’m innocent. I didn’t find out anything until after. I’m just claiming credit because that is totally something I would do, given a single opportunity.”

“You really would. Arthur was all smug with me yesterday. The bastard knew, yet he made me freak out and go to the hospital because I threw up at the smell of wine.”

“Wine isn’t good for mommas.”

Perkette wailed. “My drinking days are done. Over. Gone, forever!”

“Only until after you breastfeed. Apparently, pregnant cindercorn care is ridiculously complicated. Sam asked me to call you because he needs your napalm recipe. Pregnant cindercorns require it. I run really hot and need the fuel to keep going. And when divines tell my husband I should be rationed napalm and poisons, apparently, he listens.”

“Poisons?”

“That part is easy. I just play with gorgon snakes until they bite me. We’re adopting a gorgon woman until we can match her with a suitable husband, so she can help with that. She was in a bad spot, and she’s too old to go back to her father’s hive permanently. The kids can also help once we get them back from his grandfather. My gorgon-incubus doohickey is only whining a little over how his snakes don’t get exclusive biting rights.” I regarded my left hand with a scowl. “Annie’s snakes had to do a lot of biting yesterday, so I’m a pincushion. I had a left hand. It’s now full of holes.”

“It sounds like you’ve had an adventurous few days.”

“Yeah. My asshole parents tried to light our house on fire, and the fuckers hurt my roses. They were arrested. My roses should survive, but it is taking an archangel and the Devil working together to make that happen. Don’t panic that we went into your house and took our car.”

“I had noticed the alarm was disabled, and we did see footage of the Quinns having their way with our house. Do we need to come back from Vegas?”

“It’s okay. We’re playing around in New England. I made Sam eat sea bugs! He liked them.”

“You actually got him to eat seafood?”

“Not only did he eat it, he liked it.”

My husband sighed. “You were right. Sea bugs are delicious.”

“I love when he tells me I’m right. Sea bugs are delicious, and I proved it to him. We had a really nice dinner last night. It included many varieties of sea bugs.” It had also cost a small fortune, but while I’d floundered, my husband had paid the bill without missing a beat. Had pixie dust worked on me, I would have taken a dose to get over the excess.

I’d even been aware of ordering ridiculously expensive food, but I’d been so excited to feed something new to him I hadn’t computed how much our gluttony would cost.

“Good. He needs some spice in his food life. So. Sam is the guilty party?”

“I fully support my husband’s decision to create mayhem in the form of unexpected children. I was too busy conspiring for twins,” I admitted.

“You were conspiring for twins when you haven’t gotten used to having two children yet, so you thought you’d have me deal with quadruplets?”

“I support his decision!”

My husband laughed. “Just route the phone through the speakers, Bailey. I’m man enough for this conversation.”

“If I hang up on you, it’s my fault. Quinn wants to join the conversation.”

“Okay.”

After some fiddling and a few curses, I managed to make the vehicle do what I wanted. “Okay. There. Can you hear me?”

“Sure can. You’re in so much trouble, Samuel Leviticus Quinn!”

“I volunteer my family to help babysit,” he replied.