Page 79 of The Flame Game

“I see you like your clam chowder creamy, and you have been convinced the only good lobster is one from New England?”

“Yes.”

“You’re something else, Bailey. But if sea bugs are what you want, sea bugs are what you shall get. I, on the other hand, shall pray for steak. Fortunately for you, we aren’t too far from New Hampshire, which in turn isn’t that far from Maine’s border, so I might even be able to get you sea bugs from Maine. But I shall pray for steak.”

“Wuss,” I teased.

To my endless amusement, while my mother answered the phone and did her best to talk to me, she was busy volunteering at an animal shelter in Florida, the pets wanted dinner and they wanted it now, and she couldn’t handle fending off a bunch of starving kittens while managing the phone.

I took mercy on her, laughed, and told her to call me back when she had a few spare minutes, with a reminder that if I happened to be passed out, my gorgon-incubus doohickey would love to speak with her. I hung up, shook my head, and smiled. “I see the relentless drive to help animals in need is genetic.”

“I am utterly shocked, I tell you. Shocked.” My husband chuckled. “While I am not quite the traveler my ex-wife was, I can tell you there is a good restaurant that serves the sea bugs you desire about an hour from here, along the New Hampshire-Maine border. It’s part of a hotel, so we should be able to have dinner and go to bed shortly after. However, you’ll have to contact the hotel and see if we can stay there because of our menagerie.”

“CDC certifications for our pets are useful in moments like this.” Within ten minutes, after regurgitating their license numbers, giving them a contact for the CDC to verify we were legally allowed to possess an Egyptian wolf and an ocelot, and promising to otherwise adhere to the rules of their establishment, I had reservations for us. Then, because miracles could happen, the hotel was able to book us in for dinner at the sea bug place, too.

Once I disconnected the call, I dropped my phone on my lap and clapped. “I handled that like an adult!”

“You really did. It’s like my careful training program has begun to bear results. You have successfully become an adult, Mrs. Samuel Quinn.”

Damn. My husband was on a roll. “I don’t know what has gotten into you today, but I really like it.”

“After witnessing me eat spaghetti, you would think you would understand how much I enjoy garlic.”

“Unless it’s in toast format,” I complained.

“And now that I know I can rile you up by refusing food with garlic in it, I will use this to add spice to my evenings as required. I win this round, Bailey. I especially win, as you then try to find things to cook containing garlic, and not only do I enjoy your culinary escapades, I get fed along with a fun show.”

“And you say I’m something else.”

“You are, but that’s exactly how I like you. As you will fret unless it’s addressed, what is bothering you about today beyond the entirety of the situation?”

“I mean, the entirety of the situation definitely bothers me, but Kendra seemed weird.”

“Kendra suffers from some mental health problems. She doesn’t really mean harm, but she goes through some pretty dramatic phases. She told me she liked when people just went with the flow, so that’s what I do with her. Audrey always kept trying to put her in little boxes.”

“Audrey was shit.”

“She was.”

“Terrible taste in women, Sam. So terrible.”

“It’s like you want me to take you to our hotel room and go through intensive corrective therapy.”

I spent all of half a second thinking about that. “Yes, please.”

He laughed. “Don’t worry about Kendra. She’s no threat to you, no matter how open she is about her past interest in getting in my pants.”

“I had noticed that.”

“She’s psychotic, but she’s a fun psychotic. That said, I have no interest in her getting in my pants. Some days, I did regret I hadn’t accepted her offer, as she would have made a far better wife than Audrey. I mean, when being honest about it? I would have at least been much happier on the incubus front, as Kendra is a lot of things, but she’s not a cheater.”

“I can’t even argue with that, but I’m glad I didn’t have to compete with a woman who would happily take you to bed every night.”

“I’ll admit, a few years ago, she was really good for my esteem. I couldn’t stand Audrey, and I had done a pretty good job of giving my self-esteem a beating.”

Huh. I struggled to imagine my husband struggling with any form of self-esteem problem. “Obviously, you need intensive corrective therapy tonight after I get to eat as many sea bugs as possible. Maybe we should invite her over for dinner once this settles down. Surely we have a single cop in need of a loyal albeit psychotic woman.”

“I’m not against having her over for dinner. It would be good for her, but we’ll both need a refresher on how to handle certain mental illnesses. It’s not her fault, and I’d rather not have dinner become something emotionally scarring for her.”