Page 72 of Hoofin’ It

“It tickles nicely.”

“What have you gotten me into?” she hissed.

“I suppose introductions are in order. Ernesto, this is Marian Peterson, an FBI agent investigating a sex-trafficking operation. Her last assignment went sour in New York City, resulting in a rather memorable evening in a nightclub in Des Moines. Marian, this is Ernesto Saven.”

“Shane?” Marian nudged me with her elbow.

“Yes?”

“Are you friends with one of the FBI’s most wanted?”

“Friends? That’s far too small a word for what we share,” Ernesto replied, flashing his pointy pearly teeth.

“I think you have a lot of explaining to do.”

“It’s simple. The CPD can’t get anything on Ernesto. They try, as do the local feds. Ernesto likes the game. Few in the CPD are smart enough to figure out how to play it.”

“And you are?”

“Oh, dear girl, he was the first. Chicago has been my home since its birth, and he waltzed into my domain like he owned it, kneecapped me, and demanded the location of his partner. He didn’t even knock. He let himself in right under my demons’ noses. It was poetry in motion. I would call him son if he let me.”

“Breaking and entering plus assault?” Marian demanded. “Him? He wouldn’t.”

“Oh, he would. My dear boy is such a charmer. He speaks my language.”

If I let Ernesto continue, Marian would leave thinking I was as much of a crook as the vampire. “He left me an invitation in my partner’s blood on the hood of our cruiser, so it’s not breaking and entering. As for the assault, is it really assault if he likes it?”

Ernesto threw back his head and laughed. “You’ve stayed away for too long. I’m a vampire, Agent Peterson. I’m old. Of course, at the time, he was his mother’s son, and my ladies had had their way with his partner. I think of it as justifiable aggression.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“The first step to wisdom is acknowledging one’s ignorance.”

“He likes thinking he’s clever. Essentially, Mom gets really pissy when someone fucks with her partner. I do, too. I might not have liked the bastard, but toothy here sent a few of his children and one of his succubi out to play catch the cop, and I took offense.”

“And he knows of your mother?”

“Of course he does. He can’t be a big bad scary vampire without doing his homework, and after I kneecapped him the first time, he decided to learn more about the cop the other cops shunned. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knows more about me than the FBI does.” I shrugged. “That’s what vamps with too much time on their hands do. They annoy me, toy with the local police force, and otherwise play a complicated game of cat and mouse. Haven’t played much with the vamps?”

“No. I tend to take sex trafficking cases.”

“Well, in Chicago, if there’s organized crime, it’s usually run by a vamp or a rat. The vamps do a better job of it since the rats like to gloat. So while the rats gloat, the vamps cover their tracks and make it look like they haven’t broken any laws, when in reality, they are among the worst offenders. To them, finding loopholes in the law is almost as satisfying a hunt as getting a good drink from a human. If the vamps aren’t involved in the crime rings, they’re lawyers or judges, playing the game from the other side of the field. Ernesto prefers to be a solo player against many, so he prefers the illegal side of the fence.”

“You flatter me, dear boy.”

“Do you want your elbows shot out next?”

“Yes, please.”

Marian giggled. “How many laws am I breaking by just sitting on this couch?”

Ernesto rested his elbow on one of his ruined knees and feigned a heavy sigh. “None, and it disgusts me.”

Shifting to get to my Ruger, I drew it and made a show of checking it over and popping the magazine in and out while eyeing Ernesto’s elbow. “You’re bored, aren’t you?”

“Deathly. Terribly. Morbidly. It’s been so boring since they shifted you to traffic patrols on the surface. Then to give you that awful bauble instead of a proper eye so you can’t come play with me again? I’m offended. I hope your lawyer eats that rat and his client for breakfast.”

“The clients are the CPD and my former insurance company.”