Page 35 of Hoofin’ It

“I said the wrong thing to a woman. I learned my lesson.”

“Maybe I should test you for rabies.” The surgeon fiddled with the meter and did another pass. The device remained silent. “Your assailant doesn’t appear to have been rabid.”

“Riddle me this. Why do you have to switch the settings on your meter when you test for something? Couldn’t you check for everything at once?”

“I could, but it loses sensitivity doing bulk scans. By testing for one thing at a time, I can detect trace amounts. If I did bulk scans, you’d be giving me a semen sample to send to the lab to check for the lycanthropy virus. This meter cost the hospital over fifty thousand, but saves us a great deal of time and money since we don’t have to use lab testing.”

“So quality versus quantity.”

“Correct. And since I have the damned thing out, let’s do a full scan. I may as well earn my overtime pay, and I can make your insurance company weep since they can’t refuse to pay for the testing.” Dr. Harting chuckled, changing the settings on the device. “This beauty is also a magic rating scanner, and it can detect benchmark magic levels for all sorts of things. We’ll be at this for two to three hours, but considering you’ve had several hard hits to the head, substantial trauma, and an infusion of highly magical blood, it’s entirely possible something happened as a result. And frankly, burning out the lycanthropy virus as fast as you have is odd enough to warrant a second check. So far, I’ve tested you for lycanthropy, rabies, and a full complement of sexually transmitted diseases. I’ve also done a fertility scan and will be passing a recommendation to your lady friend to have a pregnancy test done.”

Marian was not going to be happy, and I had no idea what I’d do if I were to become a father in nine months. “She said she was on birth control and that the incubus and succubus had an agreement with the nightclub to prevent the workers from becoming pregnant.”

“You already asked?”

“Well, I mentioned the lycanthropy virus first…”

“I may have to change my opinion of you, Mr. Gibson. Good. Should there be a pregnancy, you’ll have the option to transfer responsibility to the state.”

I clenched my teeth and took several slow breaths to calm my nerves. “No. I’ll discuss the situation with Miss Peterson should it become an issue. I’m not going to dodge responsibility.”

“Well, it’s my responsibility to let you know your options. With your fertility rating, you may want to consider a birth control treatment should you be anticipating any casual relationships.”

“I don’t do relationships, period.”

“At least intentionally,” my surgeon muttered.

“Point.” After three lectures on sex in one day, celibacy was sounding pretty good. “One day I do want to settle down and have a family, but I don’t want to engage in one-night stands or short-term relationships.”

“Well, you won’t have any difficulties on your end when you wish to start a family.” Dr. Harting changed the setting of her scanner, pulled off a small panel from the back, and revealed a tiny needle, which she sterilized with an alcohol pad. “This specific meter can handle blood testing, which is far more sensitive than the proximity scan. This first test takes about thirty minutes and requires several blood samples.”

I held out my hand. “Stab away.”

“A mere prick will do, Mr. Gibson. This test is designed to scan for any diseases detectable in the blood. You should be clean, as the results of our tests in Lincoln showed nothing obvious, but this will give me a comprehensive result.”

“Please tell me this test will cost my insurance company a small fortune.”

Dr. Harting grinned and jabbed my thumb with the needle. “This session will cost them about five thousand dollars. Due to the nature of this examination and their approval of your exposure to the lycanthropy virus, they can’t penalize you in any form. They already agreed to any treatments required. Better yet, they won’t even be able to cancel your insurance on any pre-existing conditions clauses, as you’ve tested negative for the lycanthropy virus.”

“I don’t suppose I need any other fiendishly expensive tests, do I?”

“I sense a desire for some fiscal revenge.”

“Well, they were cheap bastards about the eye replacement. It’s the cheapest one my policy allowed.”

“Typical.” Dr. Harting made a thoughtful noise in her throat while she watched the meter. “Your white blood count is through the roof. Not surprising, as the lycanthropy virus classifies as a parasitic infection. Your body’s response to the virus hasn’t stabilized yet. Considering you were technically infected within the past twenty-four hours, it’s not a cause for concern yet.”

“Only if it stays elevated?”

“Correct. Your body has developed an antibody to the lycanthropy virus.”

While science hadn’t been my major in college, I remembered some of what I’d learned in biology. “The lycanthropy virus doesn’t have a vaccine or cure, though. Couldn’t antibodies be used to treat lycanthropy?”

“No, for the same reason that neutralizer and other magical treatments can’t purge the virus. It’s been tried—and it’s still being studied. In reality, the lycanthropy virus is a pretty potent form of magic. No one knows why some people form defenses against the virus while others don’t. With the high amount of exposure you’ve received, I’ll be submitting the results to the CDC for immunity classification. That might ease your path in certain career choices in certain locations, such as Chicago.”

Had I still had two eyes, the news would have left me giddy; I’d still face prejudice due to my low magic rating, but an immunity classification would erase much of the prejudice about exposure to lycanthropy. I wouldn’t be a contagion risk. “What level of immunity rating?”

“Well, I can confirm it took around forty-eight hours for the virus to be eradicated by your immune system. Considering the nature of your operation and your virus levels prior to your release from the hospital, you’ll rank fairly high. You’ll need to go to the CDC for some basic training, but you have some good options open to you, options that don’t require visual acuity minimums.”