Page 62 of Playing with Fire

“You should buy them some snacks, too. They keep feeding me stale chips. That can’t be healthy.”

“You’re trying to bankrupt me, aren’t you? First you threaten to kill Suzy, now you want me to buy snacks for the station? It’s a fifteen story building. That’s a lot of law enforcement personnel.”

“Maybe if you were a better police chief, you wouldn’t have to bribe your officers to like you.”

“You might be right.” Quinn herded me into Perky’s SUV. “Chauffeur, take us to a store that sells good coffee machines. The Calamity Queen herself has declared it.”

“Shut up, Chief Queeny.”

I suffered from a case of sticker shock so severe Quinn took the terminal out of my hand, swiped my bank card, and held the device for me while his hand covered the display. “Just tap in your pin, Gardener. Ignore the number I’m covering with my hand. The number is a lie. You can actually afford the money you’re spending. You reassured me twenty times you intend to spend this money so you can murder my precious Suzy. You even called the bank to make sure the transaction would clear.”

My pin. Right. I had one of those. If I hit the little black and yellow buttons on the device in the right order, it became my pin. I pressed the buttons. The machine made a happy pinging sound. The police chief took over, pressing a few more buttons on the terminal before handing it to the cashier.

A whimper escaped me.

How could a coffee maker be so expensive? Why had I purchased fifteen of them? I turned to Perky and made a choked sound in my throat. “What have I done?”

“I’m concerned, Chief. I think you broke her.”

“It’s not my fault she has a problem with Suzy.”

“I just spent five thousand dollars on a coffee maker. Why didn’t you stop me, Perky?” I swallowed. Why had I spent so much on one coffee maker? No, on fifteen of them, one for each floor of the police station.

Quinn slipped his hands into my coat and retrieved my wallet, slipped my bank card back inside, and returned my wallet to its proper place. “Fifteen of them.”

“I just spent five thousand dollars on a coffee maker.”

“You’re so tired. Yes, you spent a lot of money on coffee makers. The entire station will idolize you now. You’ll visit, and your worshippers will line up and feed you stale chips and bow before you.” Placing his hands on my shoulders, Quinn turned me around and marched me out of the restaurant supply store. “Suzy really was doing fine. She has served faithfully for years.”

“Suzy dies.”

“You really have it out for my poor Suzy.”

“The bitch dies. Her coffee’s terrible, and you pay too much attention to her. My coffee’s better. Deal with it.”

“But I’m going to miss Suzy.”

“I’ll shove Suzy so far up your ass you’ll need an operation to get her out. So help me, if she’s still there the next time I go to the station…”

We left the store and headed to Perky’s SUV, which was parked right outside the building. While I fumed, Perky and Nilman cracked up laughing.

“Just get in the damned car, Gardener.”

I yanked open the door and scrambled inside. “What have I done? I just spent five thousand dollars on a coffee maker.”

Perky twisted around in his seat, reached back, and gave my knee a slap. “It’s okay, Gardener. I know you’re not used to performing charitable acts. You did a good deed, and I promise it won’t kill you.”

Did buying coffee makers for sad cops count as a charitable act? “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” everyone chorused.

Quinn grabbed my seatbelt and buckled me in. “One more stop, Perky. I need to swing by the Plaza and get something out of my car. Then we’re going for a drive.”

“What about your phone? You threw your phone in the toilet.” Oh, I sounded all slurry. Damn it. I really was tired.

“I better get some coffee first, Chief. We might lose Gardener if we don’t get some java down her throat.”

“Might be wise. Three stops, then. Coffee, Plaza, replacement cell phone. Nilman, you’re on coffee duty. If you run in, Perkins can drive around the block. You need the exercise.”