Page 76 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“He thinks he is.”

“Rejected, and I don’t even care if he’s hot.”

“I’m hotter.”

“You’re Satan. You’re hotter by default. You live in the middle of a lava field, and you happen to have a perfect chest. It’s hard to compete with perfection. Are you going to be needy?”

“I am a very jealous man. He has hurt you once, and he is willing to hurt you again.”

“That has nothing to do with jealousy. Jealousy would be getting upset if I said hello to him. Also, my hello may be communicated with my fist or a knee to his groin.”

“Jealousy is a good word. The other word is filthy.”

I rolled my eyes and sipped my coffee, debating which word he took offense to. “Protective.”

He made a show of shuddering. “Such a filthy, positive word.”

“Overprotective is a negative. You can be overprotective, but if you’re too overprotective, you may lose access to my spots until you’re protective rather than overprotective.”

“I don’t like that rule.”

“You weren’t supposed to like it.”

“Why must you make me say positive things? I have a reputation to maintain.”

“Your reputation is thoroughly ruined. First, you tucked me into bed and provided iced coffee because you know I enjoy it.”

“I have an ulterior motive involving sex.”

“That does not change the fact you tucked me into bed and provided iced coffee.”

“Cruel,” he complained.

“You recruited your devils and demons to make sure I had a nice office with beautiful tanks solely because you understood it would make me happy. Your reputation is ruined. Completely destroyed.”

“I am lowering your guard so you’re enchanted and compelled to marry me.”

I raised a brow. “My daddy would kick your ass if you even thought you’d despoil me without the intent to marry me. He was a pastor, after all. Granted, he would’ve been okay with you if you meant to marry me. He was surprisingly liberal on that front. He was even the one who gave me and Jonas the talk when we were little. He didn’t trust ignorance to keep us safe. Of course, he was pretty religious before the emergence, and unfortunately, the emergence itself ultimately did him in. Magic challenged too many of his beliefs.”

“Yes, I suspect your father would have been inclined to do his best to teach me what would happen if I abused his little girl in the slightest. And he would have pushed for me to hold off on despoiling you until after we were safely wed. I would have been forced to play mortal, being aware of his nature, but I clean up nicely. I would have even catered to his ideal image for what he wanted in a son-in-law.”

I wondered what my father would have wanted in a man for me, but I decided against asking. Knowing wouldn’t bring my father back, and I suspected I’d be happier in the dark. “See? You can use filthy words. I made you use two so far in this conversation.” I grinned at him. “Will it upset you to know that I’m so undesirable among most men that I’m very much inclined to accept the posturing of the first serious man to cross my path with an interest in marriage? It’s the ears and tail.”

“I am upset because you’re beautiful, and you should have been treated as among the most desirable of women. However, I am not upset over your inclination to accept the posturing of the first serious man to cross your path with an interest. However, I’m the Devil rather than just some mere man, so you will have to compromise on that front. You can even convince me to engage in mortal customs should they please you. While your family is small, mine is not, so you can have as elaborate a ceremony as you would like.”

“I don’t require a fancy ring, but I require a ring. You can get it out of a cereal box for all I care. You will also require a ring, which I will acquire for you as soon as I figure out your ring size and where to get the money. I’m pretty sure I’ve been fired by now.”

“You’ve been hired as my wife. My brothers have taken care of that situation, and they have spoken to your employer, who is aware you are not feeling well and may not be returning to work. Michael wanted to handle the matter, but Gabriel took care of it, including finding someone deserving who needed the work to take over your position. You can always trust an angel to complicate things. Anyway, your interview was concluded in our bathtub, although it seems I need to create a more strenuous interview process. You’re able to walk. You’re also able to talk back. I’ve noticed you really enjoy talking back.”

The Devil amused me. “I’m feeling pretty good now that I have coffee, and it’s definitely helping my throat, which is a little sore. I’ll survive.”

“No comments on having been hired as my wife?”

I made a point of looking at my left hand. “Do you see a ring?”

“I see you are going to be stubborn about this.”

“Absolutely. I don’t require a fancy ring, but I require a ring. I will look into the money matter so I can acquire your ring.”