Page 50 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“They don’t have spots.”

“I’m sure they could apply spots to their persons for you to enjoy.”

“It’s not the same as enjoying naturally occurring spots.”

“You got kicked out of heaven because you’re a pain in the ass.”

“I got kicked out of heaven because I’m disobedient, but me being a pain in the ass was a factor.”

“I’m not sure I have enough spots to teach you even limited obedience,” I muttered.

“You’re probably right,” he agreed with a smirk.

“Should you revoke spot access, you have an infinite number of spots to work with,” Gabriel stated. “It would be prudent of you to revoke spots when he indulges in disobedience and other unwanted behaviors.”

“You’re not helping, Gabriel.”

“I am not supposed to be helping you in this matter.”

“That’s just cruel of you. I’m surrounded by cruel beings. What did I do to deserve such cruelties?”

I couldn’t tell if I loved or hated him for being such an annoyance. “You’re the Devil. Perhaps your very existence is the reason you are deserving of such cruelties. You might also be a masochist in addition to being a sadist.”

“I’m definitely a masochist, especially if it results in access to more of your spots. If no one has told you this, your spots are lovely.”

“Were you dropped on your head as a baby?”

The Devil huffed. “He would never accidentally drop a baby, although He does not tend to keep His angels young long. I was undoubtedly the cutest of the babies in the heavens.”

“Which tells me He dropped you on your head when you were a baby quite on purpose,” I countered.

“Your cruelty knows no bounds, I see.” The Devil sighed. “Michael, why did you encourage her to storm my gates?”

“She needed no encouragement. She decided to without any intervention on my part, and she did not have any interest in being deterred, so I aided her cause for His reasons.”

“That’s one of the sexiest things I’ve ever heard.”

Great. The Devil viewed my invasion of his home for my nefarious purposes as sexy. Then again, I could use that to my advantage, as I’d never had much interest in learning how to flirt with anyone, mostly due to the general belief I was diseased thanks to my prized tail and my ears. “I think you’re confused and possibly desperate for positive female attention.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m confused, but I will not deny my desperation for positive female attention, but only if the positive female attention includes your spots. I can be very focused when I wish to be.”

“Most people call that obsessive.”

“I would be pleased to be appropriately obsessive over your spots.”

Why hadn’t anyone warned me the Devil was in serious need of therapy? “When is it ever appropriate to obsess over my spots?”

“Always. It’s always appropriate for me to obsess over your spots. I want them.”

“You’re like a child but worse.”

The Devil shrugged. “I know what I want, and I want your spots.”

“But they’re my spots. You can’t steal my spots.”

“If I steal you, then your spots become my spots.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I’m already the owner and operator of what used to be your many hells. You can’t steal me. I already stole you and everything you own.”