Page 41 of A Chip on Her Shoulder

“Yes.”

“You won’t let me solve this problem with the appropriate usage of fire, will you?”

“That is how you destroy evidence, Lucifer.”

“I don’t care about the evidence.”

“I do.”

“That’s unfair.”

“I don’t care if it’s unfair.” I pointed at my vase of toxic roses. “They’re mine, they were given to me, and I will resent if you destroy them. That’s my evidence, damn it! I need the evidence to bring ruin and destruction to them.”

The Devil sighed. “Michael, why must she always argue with me?”

I wondered if the archangel would tell the Devil the obvious, or if I would need to remind the Devil I held the true power in our ridiculous relationship.

I controlled the spots, and she who controlled the spots controlled the man wanting access to the spots.

My spots held great power, and as I meant to earn my stay in hell, I would use my every spot to my advantage.

I waited, allowing myself a smile and taking a sip of my iced coffee, which had become the first of my trophies claimed from the Devil.

“She’s smiling at me, and I find this somewhat concerning. You, an archangel, notified her she was lethally poisoned, and she’s smiling about it.”

“Oh, stop being a baby. It’s not lethal yet.” I eyed the roses. “However, that said, my brother is teeny tiny right now, and I’m concerned the dose would be lethal for him far faster than it’ll kill me, so if you could ask Michael to escort some lovely police officers over and verify the toxins, claim the envelope, which is likewise poisoned, and otherwise start the wheels moving on that, I’ll probably be forced to owe him a favor. Pretty please.”

The Devil relayed my request with minimal adjustments, and it amused me he refused to say ‘pretty please’ to his brother. “I said pretty please.”

“I refuse to use those words. There are limits.”

I sipped my iced coffee. “Access to a fourth spot will be barred until you use those words in the appropriate order in a meaningful way.”

The Devil took his time thinking about it. “Michael, she’s making me say dirty words to gain access to a new spot.”

I laughed. “I’m such a cruel dictator.” I tilted my head to the side and pointed at a rather nice spot along my throat, one that made me purr whenever someone stroked it. “This is a particularly nice spot, and I may consider introducing you to it should you learn to use those words in the appropriate order.”

“I will help escort all of your enemies straight to hell for that spot. I will do so in a fashion so brutal mortals will quake in fear for a hundred years.”

“Pretty please are the words you need to say if you want this spot.”

“You’re really going to make me say dirty words to gain access to that spot?”

“And you can hire me, but you won’t be getting to meet any new spots until you use those terrible, awful, tragically dirty words.” I pointed at the spot on my wrist. “You will get this spot for all eternity should you fail to use those dirty words.”

“Ruthless,” the Devil complained. “Michael wants to talk to you again.”

I took the phone and placed it to my ear. “How can I help you, Michael?”

“He has not used the equivalent of please in a thousand years. It is not a part of his current vocabulary.”

“Excellent. He can demonstrate how badly he wants access to a new spot, then. What are the symptoms of this poison, if I may ask?”

“It is primarily neurological, so you will experience tremors in your hands, a weakness in your grip, potentially blurred vision, and a difficulty remembering things. You will forget people and names fairly early, although you will be aware of having a relationship with them. This will, frankly spoken, create some issues with my brother, as he will find your adjusted behavior intolerable. It will be like you are walking through a thick, dense fog. You will experience severe head pain, and by the time the meeting happens, you will be quite pained. Lorenzo Gallo meticulously planned the onset to make certain you fall into his hands when you are most pained and pliable, but before you reach the point of no return.”

“Well, that’s rude of him.”

“You are aware of his nature. This is nothing compared to the things he has done to others.”