Page 89 of Booked for Murder

Too much exposure to the Hamptons had numbed me to the potential embarrassment, and curious about how the situation would play out, I glanced at Bradley.

“Why would I say anything? Why am I suddenly the one in trouble here? I haven’t even done anything.”

Bradley’s mother leered at her son. “Yet. You have not done anything yet. Given any leeway, you will. This is because you’re young, handsome, and single. Being young, handsome, and single often leads to the making of poor life choices, particularly when it comes to what is said in front of the mother of a young, beautiful, and single woman.”

I contemplated how much trouble I would get in if I tried to climb under the table. I peeked to regard the nest of pillows cushioning my cast, debating if I could convert it for full-body use. It would be pushing it, and I had no idea how I’d get down without putting too much weight on my cast in the process.

Damn it.

“If he marries her, I don’t care if he spanks her, as long as she consents to the spanking,” my mother announced.

I closed my eyes and wished I could disappear—or get told to get off my ass, retrieve my crutches, and go fetch a switch. A round with a switch would beat the way the conversation had played out any day of the week. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Anytime, Janette. That might teach you to run off without at least writing.”

It might, too. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

“That’s better. I’m tempted to have your father make you pick your own switch for that stunt, too.”

“I would definitely deserve it, and should someone retrieve my crutches, which were cruelly stolen from me, I will make my escape and return with a switch. I may just take some detours before my deserved punishment.” On crutches, how long would it take me to reach the Hamptons? Hiding with my cat, possibly under Bradley’s bed, seemed like a wise idea.

Nobody would think to look for me under any bed, especially not his.

“She’s not getting switched. She’s been punished enough.” My father sighed and shook his head. “Marrying her off is punishment on top of the punishments she’s already facing for that, too.”

Crap. Why had I expected everyone to keep hushed about that potential plan? “You’re going along with that, aren’t you?”

“Yep. He might be able to keep up with you, and he has zero issues with taking care of you even if your foot never heals right. You can also stomach him carting you around like you’re a wilting lily, so that’ll work out. He got you through the house with minimal complaints, although you did look ready to cry when you figured out you couldn’t navigate the hallways without help. You’ve got more pride than you know what to do with, little lady. Do you really think I’d be willing to allow anyone other than a proper gentleman to court you? Maybe we weren’t born rich or powerful, but nobody marries my little lady without taking the appropriate steps first. I’m satisfied you have sufficient ways out should you dislike the situation down the road. And I’m fairly certain the young man here understands he’ll be picking his own switch if he crosses any wrong lines with you.”

Ouch. While I would have preferred if my father hadn’t opened fire in front of my co-workers, I’d accept the reality of the situation with some grace. “Well, at least he didn’t pull a gun on you, Bradley.”

“Honestly, I’m more worried about the switch than a gun. I made the mistake of asking why you would immediately straighten your act out at even the mention of the switch, so I got a single swat with one from each of your parents to develop an understanding of how things worked in your household. I have emerged with a damned good understanding of why the switch is such a deterrent. For the record, your mother hits a hell of a lot harder than your father, but your father doesn’t have to hit as hard to make it hurt.”

“Aim matters with a switch. And Dad does it where he won’t even leave a bruise. It just hurts like hell and stings. You actually got my mother to smack you with a switch?”

“He asked me very nicely,” my mother replied, refusing to look at me.

“What did you do to my mother, Bradley Hampton?”

“I wouldn’t say I did anything. I was curious, and she grimaced when I asked about the switch.”

Right. “Mom, you need therapy. It was a spanking, not the complete destruction of my childhood. I even deserved it. I’m sure Bradley’s done plenty to have earned a few solid smacks with a switch, too. Just because you corrected me with a switch once doesn’t mean I’m going to go around and smack every idiot who crosses my path with one. Do we have any more distractions to attend to before we try to get serious business done?”

I should’ve known everyone would have something to say, and I sighed at the collection of raised hands. “Okay. The bitch gets to go first.”

With a worrying grin, Beatrice asked, “Are you going to marry him? We’ve discussed this before, but I feel it’s important I mention he’s hot.”

Under no circumstances would I betray my general agreement with her, as I expected Bradley would take advantage of any displayed interest, thus winning the entire war through the strategic removal of his clothing. However, as the subject could create problems later if left unaddressed, I replied, “I’m going to tentatively agree to sign the paperwork after I read it and make sure he’s not slipping in something nefarious, which gives me a minimum of three years to think about it. Mickey?”

“Do you need help running away from this madness?”

Well, I could count on Mickey to be somewhat reasonable, and I hesitated long enough Bradley grunted and muttered something beneath his breath. “While appreciated, no. You need help with your blood problem, though, so we can pretend we’re running away from the madness, when in reality, we’re going somewhere you can try to practice without having an audience when you faint. That’s probably not helping your general situation.”

Mickey huffed. “I was worried you’d say that. You’re even worse of a fixer than I am.”

Mickey tended to keep his problem fixing ways to anything other than bloodshed, which I could understand. “Well, I am an exsanguinator. Also, remember that talk we had about exsanguinators a while back?”

“The one where I fanboyed about you, directly to your face without knowing it? I remember with frightening clarity.”