Page 9 of Grave Humor

A siren, shrill and headache-inducing, dragged me from the peace I’d found in rest, tearing me away from the line until it became a wall I couldn’t climb. I cracked open an eye, and Eoghan leaned over me, his lips curving into a smile. “I won.”

What an asshole. “Your loss. There are far better prizes to be had,” I whispered, unable to find the strength for anything more than that.

“Gordon tells me this age has a place called a hospital, where the sick and injured are treated. We’re taking you to one. As night has fallen, he will accompany us. The militia—”

“Police,” I corrected.

“Police,” he spat in reply, and he scowled at me. Good. He needed someone to put him in his place. “I told them the director of this place had meddled with magic he didn’t understand, meaning to kill you to perform his working. I find it odd this means your care is his responsibility. You are mine now.”

When everything stopped hurting, I would have to have a long talk with the psycho antique. “Money. He has to pay money.”

“It’s a fiscal responsibility?”

“Yes.” I sighed. “Why aren’t I dead yet?”

“It is exactly as I told you, Miss Nash. You’re not dead because you, without a seed of doubt, chose his life over yours. To a vampire, there is no better nourishment. You live, for that is one of the paradoxes of magic. Try not to think on it too much. I’m far older and have seen many ages, and not even I understand the full truth of why magic works as it does. Have no doubt, however. You do belong to me. That was our deal. Of course, I would have won regardless. A single cut of my arm would have brought your vampire to me, for mine is the sweetest of vintages for his kind. That would have secured your life.”

Damn. That was one hell of a card he’d kept tucked up his sleeve. “You bastard.”

“You’ll find out soon enough just how right you are, for I have already found an enemy for this age, and I look forward to destroying him.”

Three

I was surrounded by assholes.

Eoghan and the newly reassembled vampire sat beside my bed while a pair of nurses drooled over them. I figured their primary target was Eoghan; the vampire was a little worse for wear and wore a rather disconcerting amount of blood. I assumed some of it was mine, and I didn’t want to know who the rest had come from. I had a few candidates among the funeral home staff who deserved such a fate, and Director Hammel took the top spot.

I was surrounded by assholes. Everywhere I turned, an asshole surely waited for me. As far as the assholes in my life went, Eoghan made up for his failings in the looks department. I could work with the latest jerk in my life being an attractive jerk, although I’d have to do my best to establish some boundaries while restraining my urge to drool all over him like the nurses.

The two women took turns revealing the wonders of their cell phones to the men, who regarded the devices with open suspicion. The vampire took the bait first, accepting the offered device. I watched with amusement as they demonstrated what a phone was and how it placed calls.

The cell rang, playing the opening theme of a television show.

Eoghan jumped in his seat while the vampire bolted across the room, dropping the phone. The nurse caught it before it could crack into the floor, and both of them giggled.

My laugh emerged as a rasp, and I wished I had money so I could give both nurses a tip for the entertainment. “You’re scared of a phone.”

Eoghan relaxed, and his smile made both nurses blush. A better woman would’ve warned them they flirted with an arrogant ass, but I needed to stay on my guard. A smile like his meant trouble.

I had enough trouble already.

Well, maybe I could use a little trouble to keep things interesting, but only a little. My life needed some nice spice, and I’d already landed myself into a huge mess. I’d need to find a lot of silver linings to get through the next year of my life.

Surrounding myself with good-looking men counted as a silver lining, right? I bet even the vampire would turn heads once he got cleaned up.

Blood was not a good look on anyone. Especially me. I did a quick check to confirm I no longer wore my own blood. I didn’t.

If I had money, I would have tipped the hospital staff for that. The last thing I needed was to wear my own blood. It needed to stay in my veins where it belonged for a while. “How much blood did I lose, anyway?”

“Too much,” Eoghan replied.

I rolled my eyes at that. “How much is too much?”

“Enough you required something the nurses called a transfusion. Our blood is the same type,” Eoghan announced. “This pleases me.”

His proclamation startled me into staring at him, my mouth hanging open. “You donated your blood?” I blurted, unable to comprehend why any arrogant asshole like him would do something like donate his blood to a stranger.

After rolling up his sleeve, he showed off a bandaid. “I offered, so they used this fascinating beeping box to perform a test. The doctor deemed my blood is safe for your use, so they took mine and gave it to you. According to him, we’re rare vintages.”