Page 68 of Grave Humor

Oh boy. I recognized a lost battle, so I searched online for what made a good stable, and we wasted more time looking at stalls, the equipment needed to care for a horse, the cost of care, and how much horses cost. I whistled at the price tags of the animals, which ranged from as much as a month’s rent to costing more than my parents’ home.

“I have a pair of horses for you,” the devil announced. “My wife has informed me if I do not give them to you for bothering you so much, she will surely find a way to kill me this time.”

I hadn’t even managed to call the devil’s wife yet, and she was already out for the devil’s blood on my behalf?

I loved her, and I only knew her name.

“How did Darlene find out Eoghan wanted a horse?”

“My wicked brother told her. Did you really have to involve him? My wife has taken over our bedroom and bathroom to make herself pretty for your play date. She’s wearing her spots, and I wasn’t invited to count them. I was invited to make sure the house sale went through, but my brother is currently—”

“—has taken care of the preliminary phase of the sale,” Michael announced, also from behind me.

Why did archangels and their devil of a brother insist on manifesting behind me?

“It’s more fun that way,” Michael admitted, and he reached around me to set a stack of papers on my table. “As I’m a most benevolent being, I have managed to streamline the sale of your home to be concluded by this evening. It will cost an additional fifty thousand dollars to complete the signing as soon as signatures are ready, but the bank manager was willing to play ball for a fast-tracked sale. It amuses me how legalities can be dodged with the right monetary incentives. It also helped that your parents were willing to abandon everything in the building. It seems they have already removed everything they perceive to be of value from the property.”

Huh. “Is hell freezing over, Lucy?”

“It often is. My wife loves her air conditioning. She is a snow leopard, after all. There’s even a room in the house that has snow year round for her enjoyment. I figured if I wanted to survive my marriage, I needed to cater to her special needs, and snow leopards without snow get very pissy. Pissy kitties like hurting people. Usually me.”

“I wonder why,” I muttered.

Michael snickered. “However much fun it is to watch my brother lose verbal spars, There are a great many papers to sign. Eoghan, to simplify matters for you later, I have taken the liberties of making you and Anwen joint owners of the property. I have also taken the liberty of inquiring with neighbors regarding additional acres, discovering you can add an additional seventy-five to your property, and that property includes a barn in tolerable condition for the housing of your horses until you have made your main home habitable. That will take sixty days to close, but I have secured it for you for a hundred and fifty thousand, which is above market for this area. The couple is older, and the property has become too much for them to readily manage. To them, this offer is a miracle.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Smithy?” I asked, aware of the older neighbors, who’d tried their best to be kind to me despite my parents.

“Yes, that is the couple.”

“They’re nice people.”

“Nicer than most here,” the archangel agreed.

“Is that a good purchase, Anwen?”

“For your horses, yes. Your bank accounts won’t miss the money, either.”

“Understatement,” Michael muttered.

I jabbed the archangel with my elbow. “If you’re wanting to build a future with horses in it, the extra acres will give them a better home along with enough room to do whatever else you want, including operating a farm if you’d like.”

“I would not enjoy a full farm, but I do enjoy a garden.”

“You’ll have more than enough space for a garden,” I promised.

“Then we will do this. Show us where to sign, Michael.”

It took almost an hour to go through all the paperwork, as Michael had to teach Eoghan how to sign his name and read the important clauses to him, explaining what they meant. It amazed me the antique approached the task with infinite patience, showing no sign his lack of understanding of English bothered him.

I supposed it had become a way of life for him, having to navigate a world without understanding the written languages every time he awoke. That bothered me.

The devil patted my shoulder. “Don’t worry yourself over such matters. Within a year, he will be reading every book he can get his hands on, and you will find the easiest way to keep him at home will be to provide him with a new book.”

Huh. Catching a man and keeping his attention might be easier than anticipated.

“It’s all about having the right bait,” the devil agreed. “I’m sure my wife will help you with the finer points.”

I hoped so. “What’s the next step?”