Page 32 of Grave Humor

Eoghan made a thoughtful noise in his throat. “Have you stolen food?”

Being honest only hurt my pride, so I shrugged and replied, “No, but I’ve thought about it.”

“That is something you will not have to worry about anymore.”

“After we get a new phone for me, I plan on hitting a grocery store.”

“Your refrigerator has been fully stocked. Gordon took care of that last night.”

“But did he stock my refrigerator with honey rocks?”

“With what?”

“They’re a type of melon, and I swore the next time I got extra money, I was buying them for myself.” I marched to the doors, ignored the pink shine covering everything, and pushed my way inside. “If you think the mall is bad, wait until you see the grocery store.”

“Should I be concerned?”

“Only if you get in the way of me buying my damned honey rocks.”

“I’m concerned that you want to eat rocks.”

“Melons, Eoghan! They’re a melon.”

“But what are melons?”

I stopped, turned, and faced him, my mouth dropping open. He’d never had a melon before? I would blitz through the mall, acquire what I needed in record time, and rectify the situation. “We are going grocery shopping when we are done here, and we will go to every fucking store in the city until I find honey rocks.”

He smiled. “If that makes you happy.”

“Fixing that travesty will make me happy,” I muttered. I spun and pointed. “To the cell phone store!”

“We should also go to a proper computer store. I have been told a laptop is a good system for travel, but you deserve a desktop. We may also need to acquire you a desk while we are in the store.”

Ugh. More shopping. With only a few hours before closing, we’d have to hurry—and then I’d have to settle with late-night grocers for melons. “You’re going to need stuff, too.”

“I have been told that.”

With Lady Luck on my side, I could buy everything and haul it home without issue, and Eoghan could do the lifting so I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting my arm. “All right. Phone first, and I’ll look at tablets while I’m there. Tablets can be useful, and I’ve never been able to afford one.”

“Then get a tablet. I’m certain I can afford it.”

“You could afford to buy one of everything in this mall and not miss a cent.”

“That seems wasteful.”

“It would be.”

“Let’s not do that. I will insist you purchase the best phone you can. I have been told there are brand wars when it comes to these things, and that I should encourage you to buy the brand you lust for the most, and get the best one of that brand.”

I needed to thank the CDC for giving him good advice. “I can do that.”

I knew which brand I wanted, as I sometimes blew time shopping for things I couldn’t afford during the down times at work. It would take me less than ten minutes to pick out my desktop, too. If I went for gold, I’d get a television, a gaming console, and a player so I could get all the movies I missed being unable to afford to go to the theater.

With my arm out of commission, I could blow through a lot of hours watching television.

As expected, the mall at night was a zoo, and an entire pack of lycanthropes in their wolf form took over the center food court along with a bunch of centaurs of varying species. Eoghan sucked in a breath, and his eyes widened. “Centaurs? What are those others with them?”

“Also centaurs.” I nodded to the lion centaur who was lounging beside one of the wolves and taking a nap. “Centaurs indicate any quadruped species that blends animals and humans without the lycanthropy virus.”