Page 28 of Grave Humor

“Vampires rest lightly, and any foolish enough to enter your home will find themselves in an unfortunate position. I have been told a donor or two will come by tonight to offer him sustenance. He’ll be thirsty by then, so I believe your home will be safe enough.”

“I was less concerned about the house and more concerned about him, but that will work. Did the CDC say how I’d be paid?”

“You have been put into a payroll system they manage, and they have access to one of the accounts to draw your wages from. They are also handling the tax issues. Taxes,” he spat. “There’s no escape from those wretched things, not even after a thousand years.”

“Then I guess I’ll call a cab. I’m sure you can afford it.”

Given two weeks and my first pay, I’d be able to afford it, too.

Whomever said money couldn’t buy happiness needed their head examined, because it’d been a long damned time since anything had made me quite as happy as knowing I could afford dinner.

Then again, after stealing a few peeks at Eoghan in his suit, I could think of a few things that’d make me pretty damned happy, and getting him out of his shirt for a look topped my list. After I took him car and phone shopping, I needed to get my head examined.

I’d just blame Gordon. The blood loss had gotten to me. Then again, small-town life and no men up for grabs had gotten to me, too.

Until the town’s single women figured out Eoghan was around, I’d enjoy the scenery. Then I’d contemplate murder because no matter how much things changed, they stayed the same, especially in a place like Sunset.

The instant Eoghan spotted the black Chevy Silverado, he stilled, his eyes widened, and I understood the war had been lost. Men loved a big, powerful truck, and the Silverado delivered. My driveway would barely fit the workhorse, and Eoghan would become the talk of the town, as everyone around wanted the biggest, baddest Chevy money could buy.

Even me. No, especially me. Every time I rode in a big truck, the sense of invulnerability and power went straight to my head along with a healthy dose of security.

The men would be after him and his truck more than the women would be after him and his money. On the way home, I’d buy extra popcorn, as I couldn’t buy such entertainment anywhere. I’d enjoy the show, as Sunset had an unfair population of handsome men, and they’d congregate on my lawn.

Forget the milkshakes, the truck would bring the men to my yard. Best of all, with the help of an angel and an incubus, I’d figured out Eoghan really was the jealous kind, so my truck would result in a peacock display from the antique.

For once in my life, things were looking good.

While Eoghan drooled, I hunted for a salesman, pointing at the Silverado. “We want that one. How long until I can pick it up and drive it home?”

“It’s already ready. The original buyer backed out right after we got it onto the lot and ready for them. He was going to pay upon delivery, but it didn’t work out. It’s not quite fully loaded, but it’ll do just about anything you want except pull a fifth wheel. If you need to pull a fifth wheel on it, we’ll need a day to set it up.”

That worked for me. “We don’t need a fifth wheel. Any miles on it?”

“Two, which came from a test drive around the block and on and off the truck.”

Huh. Good luck rained down on me, and I took a moment to thank whichever benevolent divine had decided to be nice to me for a change. I might even give up my agnostic ways for a few minutes as a gesture of gratitude for my changed fortunes. “Can I drive it off the lot today if we’re paying cash?”

“If you’re paying cash, I can give you a discount while I’m at it. You’ll have to run on dealer tags until tomorrow, though; the DMV is already closed. You’ll need to provide insurance information for the vehicle. Assuming you have everything in order, we can process the sale of the truck within an hour. The manager is available to sign off on it.”

Ugh. Insurance. Fortunately, any insurance company worth its salt would cover me over the phone, although I didn’t look forward to explaining why I was getting a truck when I was the assistant of a rich man. Then again, it beat getting a truck while I was working over at the funeral home.

“Just give me the paperwork, and I’ll take care of that tomorrow and return the dealership tags as soon as its official plates are on. I want to be out of here as soon as possible. I want the best warranty you’ve got on it, and if it hasn’t been rust-proofed, I need to know how long it’ll take to apply it.”

“It’s rust-proofed and has an extra layer of protective coating on the paint. The initial owner was planning to make it earn its keep, but the money didn’t work out. A pity, because it’s a good truck.”

I glanced at Eoghan, who prowled around my new truck. If a man looked at me like he looked at the vehicle, I’d be set for life.

Oh, well.

Lucky truck.

“Can you ask one of the salesmen to wax eloquent over the truck while I fill out the paperwork?” I’d be able to put Eoghan’s debit card to the test, but I’d have to call someone at the CDC to unlock the account to pay for the vehicle. Someone would laugh at me before I finished, that much I knew. “Preferably someone who can convince him that the truck is the best thing ever to walk into his life.”

“I think we can manage that, although it looks like he’s doing a good job of convincing himself that truck is all he ever wanted.”

“Just wait until the salesman figures out he has no idea how trucks work,” I muttered. “It’s my truck, I’ll just be driving him around.”

“Lucky man.”