Page 8 of Forever Flustered

“My Bode?”

Elijah froze.

Bode did the same - paling immediately.

Their eyes met a split second before Bode turned around, looking terrified. Whoever that voice belonged to, his brother didn’t want him to witness their argument. Bode was protective – just like their father should have always been… and a part of Elijah’s soul let out a cry of pain, silent and desperate. His brother was getting the chance to be a part of someone’s life, someone who had a child… and Bode was willing to tackle the role of father – but was it a mistake? Were they too messed up?

Sure enough – a child stood there, looking at them. Elijah wasn’t sure how old the kid was, but there was no mistaking that this boy was looking at Bode like he was his hero… and obviously confused because his hero was disappointing him. The pang of awareness was there and easy to see in both of them. He saw it in Bode’s eyes – the fear that maybe he was too much like their father after all, and Elijah knew in that moment that was never going to be the case. His brother might be a hothead, but he cared… he genuinely cared about this child - and that was the difference.

“Hi,” the boy began in a childish, confused voice, looking at them both but resting on Bode expectantly. “Is this your brother?”

Neither man answered.

Bode’s fearful eyes met his own careful ones as his brother looked back at him, wary and unsure of what to do next. He understood in a way that no one else would ever know.

“Fudge?” Elijah volunteered, pointing at the little boy with a faint smirk to break the ice. Someone had to say or do something at this point, and the longer they waited, the worse it would appear. You had seconds, if that, to rectify the situation before that impression was set in stone. They both knew this all too well.

“Fudge,” Bode repeated in obvious frustration, before scooping up the child and hugging him. He gently set him down on a pink roll-around cart that was stationed near the Cessna he was standing beside. He was so good with the little boy, and it felt like a miracle to Elijah – a miracle and a blessing that they were both long overdue for, he realized.

The child looked at Elijah again – and waved, fascinated. “Hi. I’m Austin. What’s your name?”

“Elijah Hall – and it’s nice to meet you, Austin.”

“My Mommy is marrying my Bode today.”

“I know, buddy. That’s why I’m here,” Elijah chuckled in amusement, marveling at this sudden and unexpected change in his brother’s life. Had being around a kid softened him, made him want more for himself? Bode had never really shown any desire for anything except irritating people or starting fights with them.

“My Bode calls me his ‘buddy’ too…”

“Oh, he does, eh?” Elijah melted, smiling and felt a strange wonder overtake him as he thought for a fleeting moment about his own life. He’d never even thought about having a future outside of the Air Force or what it would be like not to have to be responsible for someone out of duty – but because you wanted to be there. That thought seemed so… strange, he realized, and his brother must have seen something written on his face because Bode snapped at him not a moment later.

“Elijah, stop it and just spit out why you’re here, screwing around with my life again.”

“I came to see my only little brother get married,” Elijah began and hesitated. “We had a hard life growing up, and I thought things would get easier, but they didn’t. You went your way, and I went mine…”

“You sent me away!” Bode sneered and glanced at Austin before obviously trying to calm himself down for their avid audience of one. “You sent me away the first chance you got, and I was stuck being assigned to the base in Ghazni.”

“I had just been demoted,” Elijah admitted, shocked that this was coming up, and decided to admit what had happened to him. If it was such a sore spot, then it was time to clear the air… finally. “I got busted for being drunk in my uniform off base with ‘conduct unbecoming an officer’ – and when you caught me, I was pissed… and took it out on you.”

“And all the other times?” Bode shot back angrily, those wounds opening wide like a putrid infection being lanced – and it was about time. Maybe there was more than one or two grudges that Bode had stewing inside of him that he was going to have to face and deal with for them to get past their animosity.

“What other times?” Elijah asked bluntly.

“When we were growing up,” Bode hissed between his teeth. “D – A – D?” he spelled out, angling his head toward the child pointedly.

“He threatened to throw me out – so I thought the same would happen with you, after he broke your arm during that last fit, and Mom wouldn’t take you to the doctor,” Elijah raged in disbelief and remembered horror. He’d been so scared for his little brother, so threatened and afraid that someday he would come home and Bode would be dead or bleeding out on the floor – but how did you say that? How did you deal with those inner fears mixed with all the mounds of parental guilt and pep talks about duty to family?

Elijah was literally being torn in half and never said a word. Guilt, silence, duty had held his life together in a sick coping mechanism for so many, many years. Drawing in a deep breath, trying to keep from breaking down or screaming in frustration, he looked at his brother and spoke again, trying to remain calm.

“Bode, we grew up in a messed-up home, but you’re my brother. It doesn’t have to be like this. I only wanted the best for you and tried to protect you repeatedly, but…”

“But it backfired – repeatedly, I might add.”

“So what am I supposed to do?” Elijah cried out, his eyes blazing, ignoring the child and focusing on Bode. “Am I supposed to just give up? Give up on everything, everyone? Do you know how much it kills me to pay for their nursing home, to pay for their care, knowing that they couldn’t care less about us? That I lost my only family I ever cared about, and I’m stuck dealing with the half that I hate - but feel obligated to deal with? How’s any of that fair to either of us?”

And his brother reared back, looking like he’d been struck as his face paled under his tanned skin. Could it be he didn’t know?

“What?” Bode rasped, stunned. “What did you just say?”