Page 50 of Forever Flustered

He already knew without a doubt that their time was nearing an end. “Maureen,” he started, “I’m so sorry that I ruined things, that I fell asleep…”

“Eli?” she interrupted, moving to cradle his cheek in her soft hands – and he immediately turned to kiss her palm without hesitation. Her eyes widened slightly before her expression melted, those beloved eyes limpid and full of sadness. “Don’t apologize for enjoying your time with me. I wanted you to – and you needed to be able to do just that in whatever fashion you needed. Never apologize for being yourself with me… please.”

He turned to kiss her palm once more, before laying his hand over hers. Meeting her gaze, his heart slammed in his chest. His soul screamed with an awareness, recognition of what she meant to him. In that moment, he felt absolutely devastated that he couldn’t act on those feelings.

He was leaving.

“You’re the best person I’ve ever met,” Eli began, but his words felt so weak, so empty. He wanted to say so much more, but this was so fast – too fast – and she would think that he was just some weird, crazy guy. She smiled tearfully, her other hand moving to hold his other cheek, now cradling his face in her hands… and he realized she might as well have been holding his heart.

“I’m yours,” she breathed tearfully, her eyes searching his as he swallowed the lump that threatened to choke him. “I’m yours – your friend, your pen pal, your buddy who will tell you like it is, and your confidant, should you ever need to talk to someone.”

“Maureen,” he said raggedly, his heart torn with the need to tell her that she was so much more than that – but he was leaving. That would be so warped, so sick, something twisted that his parents would have done. He’d learned the hard way that it was better not to give encouragement or words of love – not if they were followed by pain of any kind… and he couldn’t do that to her.

“Shhh…” she whispered, her voice cracking as she blinked several times, trying to keep from crying. “You’ve got about twenty minutes if you want to get a shower. I made some coffee and some toast for you. It’s not fancy, but it will keep you from being hungry.”

He nodded, his heart breaking, but she was right. Their time was up, and he was required back on base to complete his tasks, fill in for a flight, and then he had to address his lack of foresight and planning with Bradford. It would probably go in his record as a mark of failure in leadership… but right now, all of that felt so very wrong.

“Drink the rest of your water, flyboy,” she instructed, her eyes shining as she tried to be strong. Maybe she was trying to be stoic just like him, because his heart was devastated right now and there was so much pressure on his chest at the idea of leaving her, leaving here. “Be careful when you get to your feet, and I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a few. Take your time.”

Nodding once more, Maureen leaned forward and dropped the most fragile kiss on his lips that nearly shattered him into pieces. He heard her draw in her breath, saw her wipe her eyes, and still – his strong woman backed away like a soldier being given orders. She stood there, nodded once, and then left the room… and a tear slipped down Eli’s cheek.

Leaving Maureen would be like abandoning the best part of his life behind – and he knew it.

Getting off the flight in Kabul, Eli was wrecked.

He was trying to fall back into old habits, trying to push down all those thoughts about Maureen into a space where he thought he might be able to handle the separation a little better… and was failing miserably. He kept seeing her shiny eyes, that little quiver to her lips, as they said their goodbyes.

“Take care of yourself, Melon-head…”

“I’m expecting a psp-psp-psp from you someday…”

And heaven help him, Maureen immediately leaned forward, whispering that very phrase into his ear, before kissing him softly on the cheek. “Be safe for me – and I promise to go check on your parents.”

He didn’t care about that.

Eli cared about her, about what was going through her head right now. He wanted to scream out how unfair this was, how crazy about her he felt, that he wanted to take her out for Mexican food again just so they could talk over queso and guacamole once more. Instead, he said the only thing he could.

“You just want me naked and on your table,” he choked out, holding back tears as he managed to utter those same words she’d once spoken to him as loudly as possible. He knew he was blushing, but the cackle of tearful laughter that exploded from Maureen was worth every second of it.

Hugging her tightly, they’d whispered their goodbyes – and he admitted that he was going to miss her.

“I’m a blithering fool…”

“Beggin’ your finest pardon, sir,” Banshee’s voice split the air nearby. “I don’t think you want anyone commenting on that – do you?”

Eli sagged as he sighed loudly.

Yup – that was my ride. The biggest loudmouth in the universe – besides his brother. It would be all over the base before ‘lights out’ on how he was talking to himself – in public. Greaaaat…

“If’n you don’t mind me saying so…”

“You’re going to anyway…” Eli muttered, opening the Jeep door and climbing inside to hide from the sweltering heat.

“You look really weird in blue jeans. Where’s your uniform, Lieutenant Colonel?”

Eli stared straight ahead and felt his eye twitch.

“I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a T-shirt before, just a flight suit or your uniform, so this is really odd to me. I mean, you kinda look almost normal… except for that,” Banshee announced and went quiet, causing Eli to look toward the man to see what happened or what he was pointing at – and did a double-take.