Page 87 of Depraved

I shook my head. “I don’t want anything. Thanks.”

“I think you should eat,” he pressed, but I ignored him and got underneath the sheets.

“I’ll bring you something.”

“Please don’t.”

“Alyx, don’t be stubborn.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Believe me, I’m a lot of things right now. Stubborn ain’t one of them.”

I heard him sigh. “I want to help.”

“Why? Because your brother told you to?

“Nope. Me being here has nothing to do with him.”

I closed my eyes. “Wish I could say the same.”

“Alyx—”

“Please leave.”

“Listen. You need to eat and drink something. You’re weak.”

“I don’t want anything.” I clutched the white blanket tighter then pulled it over my head. “Please leave, Onyx.”

“Don’t do this to yourself, Alyx. It’s not worth it.”

Tears burned the back of my eyes, the reason I preferred to be catatonic, to not feel anything. Feeling nothing was better than feeling something that had the power to crack your soul wide open.

“Leave, Onyx.” I closed my eyes, willing the tears and pain away. Then I heard the door close as Onyx left. But then it opened again, and footsteps followed. I peeked from underneath the sheet.

Onyx placed a bottle of water on the bedside table then sat on the floor with his back against the wall. “I’ll sit my ass right here until you decide to drink that water and eat those crackers. If you’re hellbent on being malnourished and dehydrated, I’ll join you.”

I bit my lip. The last thing I needed was a man trying to be a hero by wanting to help me. “I know what you’re doing, Onyx. It won’t work.”

“What am I doing?”

I turned halfway and glanced at him over my shoulder. “You’re trying to make me feel guilty by torturing yourself. It won’t work.” I lay back down. “Not when I no longer feel anything.”

“That’s a lie.”

I closed my eyes, trying to shut him out.

“You still feel. As long as you have a heart, you still feel.”

This time I let out a soft laugh. “I’m good, then, since your brother tore my heart out of my chest and let it bleed out with her while she hung from that goddamn ceiling with a—” I choked on a painful sob as my words painted the picture I had managed to forget…until now.

“Stop, Alyx. Okay? Don’t do this to yourself. There’s nothing you could have done.”

“But there was something your brother could have done. He could have saved her, but he chose not to.” The words left a bitter taste in my mouth.

“It’s not that simple.”

Through the tears of guilt, I laughed. “Oh, my God. It seems that’s the only thing anyone can say around here. ‘It’s not that simple.’”

“Well, it isn’t. For you, everything is black and white. Right or wrong. But you need to open your eyes. Nothing in this entire goddamn world is black and white, and we’re the lucky sons of bitches living in that thick, fucked-up gray area.”