Page 86 of Jetmir

I sat on the bed and put my head between my hands, my elbows resting on my knees and my fingers clutching at my strands.

Fuck, why did it hurt? Why did I fuck up so badly? Why… why… why… so many whys and somehow I’d caused them all.

Maybe that was the reason it was so hard to love me.

My mind drifted to the past, to the memory from my childhood I hated to remember. I was only six, but it fucking hit hard.

The swings squeaked as they rose and fell in the spring breeze, while children’s laughter echoed across the schoolyard.

I sat beneath the old oak tree with my knees pulled against my chest, staring at all the carefree children waiting for their parents to pick them up. My sister and I wouldn’t be picked up by a parent. Kian, or one of his men, would come and pick us up.

“Do you think we’ll ever meet our mother?” I asked Elira.

She sat next to me, mirroring my position, but her attention was on the clouds, not the children around us.

“Who cares,” she mumbled.

“I do.”

She finally looked away from the clouds. “Why do you always ask about her?”

I glanced around, another parent welcoming their child with open arms. One of the boys from our class ran into his mother’s arms and laughed, kissing him everywhere.

I swallowed. “I don’t know.”

“Kian takes care of us,” she said in a flat tone. “That’s all we need.”

“But he isn’t our mom.”

He told us the story of our mom and explained we’d meet her when it was safe. But he didn’t say when that would be. He didn’t say whether she was looking for us. He didn’t say whether she asked for us.

It must mean that she didn’t want us.

A set of footsteps approached, and a group of boys came up to us. They always watched us suspiciously and refused to play with us. Then why were they here now?

“Hey, freaks,” one of the boys called. “Where’s your mommy?”

Another child laughed. “He doesn’t have one.”

“What about his daddy?”

More laughter followed. “They don’t have one of those either.”

“You better stop, or Kian will kill you,” Elira growled.

My fingers curled, nails digging into my palms.

“Your parents didn’t want you,” another boy said. “Because you two are freaks.”

Elira winced. She didn’t care to learn more about our parents, but those words hurt her.

My heart started beating faster and red filled my vision.

Another round of laughter broke through the schoolyard and I shot to my feet, my ears buzzing. One minute I was next to my sister, and the next, I was smashing my hand into all of them. The noise was growing with each punch I took.

Then I heard Elira.

“Jetmir, stop it.”