Page 37 of Maleen

A horn blasts through camp, the sign that the attack is over, and relief sweeps through me, but I can’t seem to shake an icy feeling: those last few moments are replaying in my mind, over and over again.

“Are you okay?” she asks, stepping closer to me.

At least that’s what I think she says. She sounds distant, like hearing her voice through a windy valley.

Suddenly, cool, soft hands cup my face and I jerk back to the present. My skin prickles at the contact and my breath hitches. Pain flares across my body and just as I go to react, I hear her.

“Kill, it’s me. It’s Ravina.”

My breath comes faster, but it’s as if I’m paralyzed. I know her. I know that voice. The soothing cadence eventually brings me back.

“Maeven?” I croak, my mind still a blend of past and present.

She smiles sadly, but not pity. No, there isn’t an ounce of pity in her stunning blue eyes. Just concern. “Can you stand? Unfortunately, you’re far too large for me to carry. I might need to ask for the assistance of Voissor if that’s the case.”

At the mention of my dragon’s name, he pops into my head. “On your feet, rider. If I have to pick you up in front of my mate, the others will never let me live it down.”

I take a second until the feeling moves back into my legs and I rise to my feet. Ravina never lets me go, even though I could have killed her if my mind didn’t clue in to who she was. “Don’t ever do that again. Get one of the others if I fall into that kind of state again. I will not put you in harm’s way.”

Her hands snap to her waist and annoyance is written as clear as day. Good. I deserve that.

“Killian, when are you going to figure out that you will never hurt me? We were made for each other.” Her voice is made of pure iron and it cuts deep, but I relish in the burn.

I shake my head. “You don’t understand. You are the most precious thing to me in this realm. Harming you… I would never recover. Harming you would damage me in a way that would be so irreparable that I know I would lose my sense of self. Protecting you is the only thing I can do, but only if you aren’t bonded to me. Please listen to me, Ravina. I’m not good for you.”

She grabs my hand and a sick part of me revels in the feeling of her touch. I should pull away. Drop her off with one of her mates. But I can’t. I’m trapped under her spell. This is a curse and not a blessing.

“You. Won’t. Hurt. Me.” She squeezes my hands. “Not the way you think. But this hot and cold? That’s what’s hurting me. I need you, Killian. You’ve always had my heart, I just need you to take it.”

“I can’t,” I croak, tearing my hands from her. I notice Roz, Ember and Jesper lingering nearby. Jesp shakes his head in disappointment as I storm past. I should do a perimeter check. Help with the dead… anything…

But all I want to do is turn back and take her into my arms. Tell her that everything will be alright. Tell her that she’s always had my heart, but I’m too broken to keep it truly safe.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

THE CONVERSATION WITH KILLIAN AFTER the battle today plays on repeat in my mind well into the night. I tried to show him using my Szellemi magick what I learn, but I’m not sure he fully believes me—that in his state of panic, he couldn’t hurt me. I could see his muscles bunching like they wanted to strike out, to pulverize me into the ground, but he couldn’t.

His fear is understandable. I just wish I could help more.

“Maybe you should have one of us try to hit you,” Jesper mutters half asleep. “Show him your theory.”

“Is it even right, though, when I’ve trained with you all and you’ve managed to land hits on me? What about when Talyn would take his frustration out on me at Phixmery?”

Jesper sighs, sitting up in his cot. “But we weren’t trying to kill you or cause serious harm. We never would. It’s just training.”

I tilt my head in consideration. “You really think the bond can tell our intent? I mean… I threw a knife at Aemon and it left its mark.”

He moves onto my cot. “But were you trying to kill him?” His arms wrap around me and he cuddles his head into my hip and mumbles something that sounds like “Mmm delicious thighs, perfect pillows.”

Was I trying to kill him? I think back to that day in the field. I was scared of what was happening. My secret was out but he felt familiar, even if my mind was warped from the Soul Stone necklace. No, I don’t think I wanted to kill him.

I don’t want to kill any of them, so how would I even go about testing this?

Nero’s feathers rustle from atop his perch. “You could always try to stab Jesper. He would probably enjoy it.”

“My mates do enjoy it when I try to maim them,” Vasari adds. “Nothing like a little bloodshed to get the heart pumping. That battle did wonders for us today.” Her love and adoration for her males overwhelm the bond and I have to shut her out. I love her, but I don’t need to know when all our dragons are getting their freak on.

“See, even the giant flying lizard agrees,” he chips.