Page 69 of A Lady in Name

CHAPTER ELEVEN

For the first time, doubt smote Stefan. The whole discovery was so new it had not occurred to him until this instant to question whether his sentiments were reciprocated. His mind ran like quicksilver over his dealings with this vivid creature, and there was no hint to guide him. Deep need drove him into speech, urgent but unthinking.

“You return my desire, I know that much, Lucy. And you are not wanton. Can it be you do not care for me? There is no impossibility but for that. Tell me.”

Lucy waved agitated hands. She dare not answer him. Could she have wished for anything closer to her secret dreams? She had not supposed herself so foolish as to imagine this moment. But it had come. And in its advent Lucy knew how little she had seen into her own mind. Stefan was speaking words she had longed to hear. But just because she loved him, there was barren triumph in the hearing.

She forced herself to meet his searching eyes, hoping her truth did not show in her own. “I do not —” Lord, how hard it was to speak against her heart! “I do not care for you in that way.”

She looked for disillusion or a drop in spirits, but neither came. Stefan’s brows drew together, but his eyes remained riveted on hers, dark and burning, as if he sought to read behind her gaze.

“I don’t believe you.”

It was flat and unemotional, Stefan at his blandest, if only his very being had not been redolent with the force of his feelings.

Lucy tried again. “It is of — of no use to try to overbear me. This is not a matter one can command.”

He shook his head slightly. “Do you accuse me of being autocratic in this? I would be, if I thought it might serve me.”

For a moment, he eyed her — bodingly, Lucy thought. And then he moved. Caught in his arms, Lucy had time only for gasping surprise before his mouth claimed hers and the world exploded.

The essence of his character was in his lips, demanding and bold. Lucy’s mouth was crushed beneath his for several mind-numbing instants. And then his lips released a little, and began to move with hers, touching, pressing, shifting, sending flittering hot flames chasing one after the other through her body. Her heart expanding in her chest, Lucy answered his kiss. Instantly it deepened, filtering a stray memory into Lucy’s mind. Last night, when just this madness had overtaken her. On the thought, she struggled to be free and the bands loosened from about her until Stefan was looking down into her face. His eyes were cloudy, his breath ragged.

“Now tell me you do not care for me.”

Lucy was utterly unable to do any such thing. She was barely able to speak with any coherence.

“You must not, Stefan. We cannot. My heart is yours, yes, but it changes nothing.”

His eyes flooded with light, and he drew her close against him. Gently this time, holding her head into his shoulder.

“It makes all the difference in the world, my darling. Oh, but you gave me a bad few moments there.”

Lucy’s emotions flooded in and she tugged herself free, putting her hands to his chest as it she would hold him off. “Stefan, think. For the love of heaven, stop and think! You cannot marry me.”

She had his attention now. His brows snapped together, and his eyes darkened. “Because of your illegitimacy? I don’t care for that.”

“But I do!”

“So much so you would let it stand in the way of your happiness?”

Lucy blinked away the threatening wetness and spoke over the thickness at her throat as she shifted out of his hold.

“How could I be happy, knowing such a match must be detrimental to your standing? You are an earl. You owe a duty to your name. I will not be the means of tarnishing it.”

Stefan felt as if the world was crumbling about his ears. He foresaw the futility of argument, but he wanted to argue nevertheless, to overbear her scruples. He did not share them. But so deeply did he care for her, it was at once clear to him that the sacrifice was not all on one side.

“It would be hard for you, would it not? We should have to fight prejudice, in my acquaintance and the world at large.”

He felt the hurt in her as she shrugged this away. “I would not care for that, if there was no right in such prejudice.”

“Your half-sister would make it her business to ensure your downfall.”

A faint smile lightened her features briefly. “Are you determined to fight my cause or your own?”

Stefan laughed, but it felt hollow. “Both.” He moved close enough to reach out, stroking her hair. “Lucy, I think the prejudice is in your own mind. I wish I might remove the hurt my uncle inflicted.”

She had no answer to this. She looked up at him and Stefan saw her closed against him.