Page 128 of The Dearly Departed

Oh my God …

"Tell me more about him," I found myself saying, though my voice sounded far away, like I wasn’t speaking at all.

Her face lit up with the widest, most brilliant smile I'd ever seen in my life, her eyes sparkling like the diamonds at the ocean’s surface, and all I could think was, That's exactly how a woman should look on the day of her wedding.

Blissful.

Happy.

God, she looked so happy, talking and thinking about a boy from her past.

A boy just like … I closed my eyes to the unfinished thought. Scared for it to be true, while knowing what I should’ve allowed myself to know all along.

"Oh God, he was terrible," she said, her voice giddy and bright.

"Terrible, huh?" I asked as an ache so terrific swelled deep inside my chest.

She nodded. "I was the only girl in the foster home, and all the other boys kinda … I don't know … they didn't care much about me. But he and I … we had this bond, I guess. And he looked out for me, and he was my friend, even though I had this insane crush on him. I don’t even know if he knew about that, but …"

She laughed, beside herself, and I closed my eyes, wondering how I allowed myself to be so blind when, for years, all I had ever wanted was just to find her.

"He was a lot older than me though. I was seven or eight, and he was about twelve, I think. And, anyway, he would pick me up after school so I wouldn't have to walk home alone, and sometimes, we'd stop by the gas station on the way back, and he'd steal us candy and sodas," she said, still laughing. "He'd put all this stuff in his backpack, and we'd run for blocks before finally eating anything. And we'd do this so often that the guy who owned the store probably knew that was what we were up to, but we never put it together, and he never stopped us. He probably just felt bad for us, these two dumb kids with dirty clothes and …"

She stopped herself as her emotion threatened to steal her composure away, and she covered her hand with her mouth as I moved my palm around to the back of her neck, anchoring my soul to hers and wishing I could tell her.

Wishing she could know.

Wishing the truth wouldn’t damn us both.

"A lot of people probably wouldn't think he was a good kid to be hanging around with, but the thing was, awful things were happening to all of us, and he still managed to put me before himself. He was my safe place," she whispered. "And I never forgot about him. It was so long ago, but I never ever forgot about him, and sometimes, when horrible things happen to me now, I still think about him. I think about the way he made me feel, and then I realize that he's still my safe place, even if he only exists in my mind. And I think … I think that's why I'm so drawn to you. You're like him in that way. You make me feel safe, and when I need you, you always come. No questions asked … just like him. And sometimes …" Her voice trailed off as she slowly shook her head.

“What?” I asked a little too anxiously for my tastes.

“No, it’s …” She swallowed before gasping with a sharp inhale of trembling breath. “It’s stupid.”

Desperation clawed at my throat as I said, “Please. Tell me.”

She released a forlorn sigh and licked her lips before saying, “Sometimes … I wonder if you could be him, and I wish … oh God, I wish that … you—"

"What was his name?" I asked, my voice barely audible above the call of seagulls overhead.

The air left her lungs as the smile fell from her face, paving the way for something forlorn as she swallowed and whispered, "Abraham. His name was Abraham."

The sun was still shining, and the ground was still beneath our feet, as if the atmosphere itself hadn’t just blown apart at the sound of my name leaving her lips. Hearing her say it, as clear as the sky above, felt like a piece of a puzzle falling into place. And just like that, something that'd been left to die within my soul was suddenly revived, reborn, and as I filled my lungs, it was as if I were taking my first breath.

Anna, I thought, longing to say her name out loud.

Oh God, Anna, it is me. I'm here. I’m right here.

But I couldn't tell her that. I couldn’t confirm what she herself had admitted to wondering. She couldn't know. She couldn’t ever know. Knowing would put her in more danger than she already was. And if Gerald ever found out who she was to me, if Virginia ever knew …

I couldn’t begin to imagine what they’d do.

But that didn't mean I couldn't protect her, and, fuck, that was exactly what I was going to do.

I had to.

"I need you to listen to me, Princess," I said, tightening my hold on the back of her neck and drawing her attention to me.