Page 25 of Watched

“No,” I argue. “I’m not your fucking comfort teddy, Blade. You went after Rome when I asked you not to.” Pulling out another, I hear the faint rubbing of flesh, so I peer around him, and, sure enough, his thumb and forefinger are rubbing together, his knee bouncing. “Calm down,” I whisper.

“You make me calm. She makes me calm, and I have neither of you right now.”

“I’m right here.”

“I can’t fucking touch you unless I pin you down, and I’m getting very close to doing that.”

“We aren’t fucking, Blade.”

“I didn’t say I want to fuck you, did I? I just need to…feel you.” Each time I’d woken to Blade in my bed, his hand was on my chest, over my heart, like the rhythm somehow soothed him. “I need you, Rain.”

Telling me he ‘needs me’ is the only time he ever displays any vulnerability. I know the turmoil he experiences before expressing those words.

“Fine,” I sigh in agreement. “But your hand stays on my chest. If I feel it wandering, I’ll put a hole in your palm.”

His back bounces beneath my hand. “Yeah, whatever.”

After all the stitches are removed and I’ve cleaned Blade’s back, he pulls back the comforter and slides in beside me. It takes almost an hour before he’s asleep. In the meantime, I flick through Rome’s Instagram, just as I do every night.

I’d deleted my profile a week ago, erasing all my photos with Alexa along with it. Removing them is something I should have done years ago, but until now, I couldn’t bring myself to let go of that part of my life.

I will forever appreciate the memories Alexa and I made. Without all we survived together, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. The breakup was one-sided, and it ravaged my heart to see her shattered in the doorway when I turned to walk away. I was a fucking mess as I drove away, and I might be the worst prick of all in thinking what I had the few months prior…what about me?

Loving an addict is hard. I did love her. I poured everything into helping her, but you can’t help someone not willing to help themselves. I was screaming into a void day after day, begging her to open up to me, to stop taking what she was. I know she was hurting. I fucking know that, but so was I.

Blade succeeded in carving himself into her mind. I could see it in her eyes—when she looked at me, she saw a reminder of him.

I sigh and place my phone on my nightstand, staring at the trashcan beneath my desk containing the prematurely removed stitches. Then Blade’s hand weighted on my heart.

I glare at his parted lips, the black strands falling across his forehead. “You manipulative prick.”

Chapter thirteen

ROME

Ihate this.

Any time I’m summoned by my parents, I have a shameful knot in the pit of my stomach from the moment I get the phone call until it’s over and I’m walking away.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and blow it into the white scarf I’ve tucked my face into to shield myself from the chilling rain whilst pulling my vibrating phone from my pocket.

Unknown: I’m hoping you will bless me with a response today.

Unknown: How was practise?

Unknown: I made something. Like it?

A second later, a picture attachment comes through. I tap on the image, inspecting the black circle in the centre, detailed green lines expanding to the edge of the circular canvas. It’s detailed, so incredibly lifelike, and there’s no mistaking what it is.

Me: You painted my eye?

Unknown: Left, to be specific. I’m working on the right as we speak.

Suddenly too aware of it, my left eye begins to buzz.

There must be something wrong with him. He held his dick in his hand while thinking about a goddamn eyeball. I’ve heard of a foot fetish and many others, but…an eyeball? That’s not normal.

I’ve debated calling the police about him again, but he told me to call them, that they’ll never find him, and I, for some reason, believe that.