Page 113 of Watched

He shrugs, gaze sliding back to mine. “Same old shit.”

I can’t say I’ve been a good friend the past three years. After I was drafted, my career took up most of my time, but Xan has always been…Xan. If I ever needed him, he was there. He’s always understood my discomfort toward his family’s activities and has kept it far away from me. Whenever he saw me, he would drive his mother’s car, never his own. He wouldn’t talk about what he does, rather choosing to re-watch a football match and help me evaluate the opponent’s weaknesses. We may have gone down different paths in life, but he’s been my best friend since I was four and he was six.

“Do you want me to kill him?” Xan asks, and I hesitate before picking up my sweat towel.

“Blade? Sure.”

He laughs, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Guess you just told me everything I need to know.”

I wipe my face and neck, matching his position. “I told you nothing.”

“So you don’t care about him?”

“I…” I trail off and drop my head. I shouldn’t.

“Don’t think about it. Just answer,” Xan says. “If you never heard his voice again, how would you feel?”

“Like I’d lost my favourite sound,” I answer immediately and then sigh, fisting the towel as I look across to his victorious smile. “Bloody hell,” I mutter.

“I just wanted to make sure this relationship isn’t one sided.”

“It is,” I groan and then rephrase. “It was, then it wasn’t, and now, I’m just…I don’t know.”

“Pissed off.”

I nod and wrap the towel around my neck, tugging at my sweaty hair. I want to punch the wanker and choke him to death, but as quickly as that violent thought enters my mind, it vanishes and all I’m left with is a constant image of his smiling face.

“The media surrounding that video has quietened down a bit,” he sighs.

I lift my eyes to Xander’s. “The world discovering I’m gay could still potentially derail my career.”

His brows draw together. “That’s why you never came out to anyone but me and your family? I know it was because of your parents but…mate,” he sighs. “Being gay isn’t going to pull the pin on your career.”

“It could.”

He smiles. “Fuck anyone who thinks of your sexuality as a bad thing. If they don’t respect that about you, then they aren’t worth a second of your time. Being gay doesn’t change the fact that you’re a generational talent.” He raises a finger, and I smile, shaking my head. “As quoted by David Zane in his speech the night you were drafted.” His smile softens. “Sometimes, I think you forget you’re allowed to make mistakes too.”

My mouth parts, and I stare at him for a few beats, my father’s opposing words from when I was fifteen and just made it into Champions League thumping in my head. You’re better than this, Rome. If you keep making mistakes, you’ll be nothing but a washed up has been before you even start.

I’d missed two goals in a row because I’d overcrowded my mind with self-doubt. We lost that game and my father refused to speak to me for a month afterward. I mean, he didn’t talk to me much anyway, but it killed me to know how much I disappointed everyone. From that day on, I trained harder. More often. I didn’t allow myself to rest unless I was making twenty goals in a row from different positions.

“You’re living your dream,” Xander says, pulling me from my thoughts. “You’re twenty and one of the best players in the top football league. Yes, you have a lot of other shit going on, but…don’t forget that.”

A genuine smile curls my lips. “Thanks.”

He stands and nods. “And as much as I want to sneak you out of here and take you home like I know you want, this house is the safest place for you right now. Besides, I think those two pricks would shoot me in the leg if I tried, just to prove a point.”

“Mmm,” I hum. “That’s also something I’m having a hard time coming to terms with. Rain hunts people and sends his brother to kill them.”

“Your best friend does the same,” Xan points out.

“I’m not dating you.” Fuck, did I really just use the word dating in such a blasé manner? And fuck, he’s right. I’m a hypocrite.

His head tips back with a laugh. “Although I have no interest in dick whatsoever, you couldn’t handle me.”

I nod between my legs, a wide grin tugging my lips. “You couldn’t handle me.”

“I can’t even argue that point, because no, I couldn’t.”