Page 88 of Melt His Heart

So I did.

I wished that I would meet him in every lifetime.

Chapter 29

My suitcase lies open as I’m getting ready to head to the airport to meet my parents. I stuff my shoes and toiletries in the bag. The world championships are quickly approaching; a few days out to be exact. Both my programs have been nearly perfected, and I’ve been mostly focused on just some minor tweaks. Besides that, everything has been going amazingly. Me and Carson have been spending time together, as much as our careers will allow, and I’m ok with that.

I think counseling is definitely helping, but I’m still very much nervous about how I cope with negative thoughts affecting my performance on the ice. I think I’ve been managing my emotions well. Then again, nothing has really been going wrong to challenge that.

I mean, I wasn’t the happiest when Carson told me he couldn’t attend my competition, and I had a bit of a meltdown deep inside because I really wanted him to be there. But I also understand how it is.

Hopefully, he can see me skate soon.

My parents will be flying in to Boston, where this year’s World Championships are being held. While I’m very excited to have them here in America with me, for some reason, it’s also messing with my nerves a bit. I feel like their being there in the flesh reminds me of the pressure to win. The pressure, like a wound you don’t realize is there until the adrenaline wears off.

Hopefully, I’ll feel fine by the start of the competition. Carson has been the sweetest, of course, sending me messages of encouragement as we’re leading up to the championships.

I really wish he could be there.

* * *

I don’t know what I thought Boston weather would be like, but it’s incredibly cold, the air was biting at my skin on my way into the arena early this morning. I come from a pretty cold place, so that’s saying a lot. I’ve already gone through hair, makeup, and any last-minute costume checks. I feel pretty grounded, but I know how quickly that can change for me, so I’m holding on to this mindset like my life depends on it.

I flex my legs and get into my stretches as my coach enters the room, “How you feeling?” He asks.

“Pretty good, I think.” I nod.

“Good. You got this, Julian. You couldn’t be any more prepared. So don’t worry and just give it your all.” Coach Peters says, patting me on the back.

“Thanks, Coach.” We exchange warm smiles before he heads back out, and I continue my warm-up routine.

My phone pings with a message. I fish it out from my jacket pocket, and there’s a text from Carson. I know he’s going to be on the ice tonight too.

How ironic, on the ice on the same night at the same time. This will probably be the last message I see before the competition begins, and I’m glad it’s his.

Carson: good luck baby, remember you’re amazing! you got this! *kisses*

Me: Thank you. And you too.

Me: *kisses*

Carson: ;) aww you’re learning…

Me: Shut up and get to work!

Carson: i’m going i’m going, the boys said good luck!

Me: Thank you guys! :)

I put my phone away, my face flushed with heat. I’m still stretching when my parents come in, my mom pulling me in for a brief hug before fiddling with my hair a bit as I smile down at her. Definitely got the hair thing from her.

“Thanks, Mom,” I say.

“You’re going to be amazing.” She assures me with a small nod.

“You’ve been focusing on your training, right?” My dad says, his tone making my body freeze up.

“Yes, Dad. I have.” I say, trying not to sound defensive, I know he means well, but it’s too much sometimes. And maybe it’s because I know the entire time I’ve been here, I haven’t solely been focusing on my training. He’s triggering that guilt in me, and he has no idea. I want him to stop. But fighting with my dad would make things even worse, especially right before I hit the ice, so I just take it.