Page 39 of Melt His Heart

“Great. So I’ll see you, and I’ll send over your ticketing information tonight.”

“Ok. See you soon.”

“See ya, thanks again!” He says before we hang up. Teaching children to skate definitely doesn’t sound too bad, and honestly, I really miss the ice. I think I even miss the New Jersey air, I laugh.

My mom comes into my room and tilts her head in wonder, “Was that your coach?” She asks, glancing around at all the vases. There’s some on the floor at this point because I don’t have enough surface to store them all. I love it, though.

“Yeah,” I say softly.

“You’re going back?”

“I think so. They need me to help out and teach children to skate for an event.”

“That’s good, it will be good for you too.” I look over at her, “and it just seems like someone back there might miss you, too.” She adds, my cheeks growing a little hot.

“Mom, please…”

“Juyeon-ah…Is it a boy?” She whispers, coming over to sit next to me.

“Mom!”

“It’s ok if it is…I know you’re…” She stammers, grabbing my hands, and I bite my lip nervously. Why do we have to talk about this right now? My chest tightens.

“It is.”

“Ah, I see. Is he…Korean?”

“Mom…” I roll my eyes, but she just looks at me expectantly, “he is.”

“Ah, ok…That’s nice. I’m glad someone is taking care of you over there.” She says with a smile, and I try everything to stop, but I lay my head on her shoulder, crying anyway, as my mom gently pats my head.

* * *

I decided to take my parents out for a good dinner on my last night in Korea, and it was really nice. I forgot how long it’s been since we’ve been able to do something like that together, probably sometime before my first national competition if I’m being honest.

That makes me extremely sad as I sit for the last bit of my flight back to America. Which has given me a lot of time to think about everything, especially the one thing I still don’t think I’m ready to address: Carson.

I think I still need a little more time, even after returning to talk to him. Just until I at least know what I want to say. Though the longer I drag this out, the more embarrassed I feel to have to explain myself.

We land, and I make it through all the returning procedures. I head to the car park where the car is waiting to pick me up to take me back to my flat.

“Hello,” I say as I take a seat in the back

“Hello, sir.” He replies.

I scroll through my phone before the sudden urge hits me. I’ve tried to limit myself when it came to looking at Carson’s page towards the end of my trip.

But I just really miss him, even more so, probably because we’re in the same country again. I click on his page, and he’s not uploaded to his feed in a while, but there’s a photo of the first plushie he had given me, the bunny, and the caption reads,

“Has anyone seen my rabbit?” And I can’t help but laugh at that.

I make it back to my flat and thank the driver before heading up. A sigh escapes me upon returning to my space. Being home in Korea feels so different than being here. I love them both. But it’s nice to be back, oddly. I guess I’ve made a home here for myself too.

Hanging my bag and jacket away, I pad into the bathroom for a shower. I need to rid myself of this yucky airplane air before I climb into bed. That flight is always rough on the body.

I know I’m going to think of Carson all night, especially now that I’m here and so many things here remind me of him. I finish showering and snuggle next to the bunny that still oddly smells like him, same as the bear.

Is he spraying them with his cologne or something? I laugh to myself. I’m sure he wouldn’t spray his fragrance on gifts for his guy friend. But this one smells just like him too, or my mind is just wishing it did.